Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

Can you leave your partner behind and just you go?

its a tricky one - surely SiL could come to your place and babysit?

it’s your brothers wedding, a one off thing

I don't understand why 350 miles means staying two nights?

Your brother has no right to be pissed off with you. He shouldn’t have agreed to a child free wedding if it were important to him to have his sister who has children there.

Cant their dad look after the children and you go?

Either SIL babysits at your house, or you need to go on your own and your DP an stay home with the kids, its your brothers wedding!

Leave your partner behind and go or why can’t your SIL still have them?
He’s right, isolation rules no longer apply.

can you split the kids up and ask for friends to watch them?

It’s your brother. It’s a one off.

This is the problem with child free wedding's. You have done your best arranging childcare and it's not your fault that it's all broken down.

I’d be trying to go alone if you have a partner or husband. Leave the children with them and just make the journey.

She doesn’t want to leave BIL when he’s ill (he is CEV) which I have to respect.

I can’t drive at the moment due to a leg injury, so can’t go on my own! And would be weird for DH to go, he’s met my brother twice and brother is a bit of a recluse, and also because of the distance.

And yes the logical thing is you go on your own , it's a non issue really.

Really? So you would leave super early for the actual wedding and arrive all hot and sweaty and then just drive back the next day? 350 miles will probably take 5-6 hours minimum. That mileage is a 2 night stay.

Just do the one night too…

You don’t NEED 2 nights, you are just doing 2 nights/3days as it’s easier and nicer.

Maybe the sil would rather look after her sick husband instead of having someone else’s children on her own.

Leave partner behind and go yourself.

When you don’t have the childcare and when it’s your brothers wedding yes.

Why would you be hot and sweaty in a car… don’t cars have air con 😂

Honestly anyone who has a child free wedding has no right to get annoyed if people cannot come due to childcare issues.

Train? Lift with someone?

Could you all go and husband takes the kids out while you are at the wedding? Then you can leave early to go and meet them. However I am a stubborn, petty cow and if my brother got really shitty I wouldn't go out of principle. If it is that important that you be there he should have invited your kids.

I really wouldn’t send them any way, or ask SIL (who may have caught it, but also probably doesn’t need this hassle) to babysit alone. BIL is quite poorly for one thing, but I also wouldn’t risk my kids catching what can be a serious illness unnecessarily- when you know your BIL has it, not just the risk inherent in all public places.

There is the option of you going alone surely and leaving your DH with the kids?

The kids would hate to be split up and I don’t have any friends who are available to take them both on. Everyone is on holiday! I’m not gonna fob them off randomly either. Bringing them to the wedding isn’t an option. DB has offered his friends who aren’t at the day do to have them. I’ve said no, I won’t put them with people I’ve never met.

Not that’s it’s relevant but actually it’s a twice-off (second marriage)

I see you don’t drive but is there a train you could catch?

I had a childfree wedding and in doing so you have to accept that some people won't be able to make it, that's the risk you take. I was lucky that I didn't have anyone decline because of it but my brother had a 2 year old at the time and I accepted that in my choice not to have kids at the wedding, there was a chance it would mean my brother wouldn't come too - and our wedding didn't need 3 days worth of childcare!

If you so desperately couldn't imagine getting married without a brother/sister/cousin/etc etc then surely you would make your wedding as accessible as possible, which knowing they have small children would be to invite kids or to arrange some kind of group childcare.

Given the situation and subsequent update I'd say YANBU to not go. He chose no kids so he has to accept that. That said, have you looked at trains/coaches to go alone or asked if there's someone else going from near you who could give you a lift?

Well because other wise we are leaving on the morning of the wedding, meaning we’d have to set off all dolled up at about 5.30am, or we are travelling back on the night of the wedding, which I wouldn’t ever want to do!