Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

@Blossomtoes wow u sound like a barrel of laughs

From now on I'm going to take a drink at each of those suggestions, plus one for insinuating she's a bad parent 🍺

If for example I sent them to a school friend’s for 3 whole days they’d both hate it after the first few hours, and would hate being there for so long without seeing immediate family. My son especially would be horrendous. I would t do that to them or someone else who’d have to navigate the home sickness

I didn’t think that was so unusual for 2 young kids but there you go

Forcing your kids to do a 10+ hour car journey with nowhere to stay for 2 nights doesn't exactly make you look good.

Maybe the OP actually cares about her children and their comfort/safety.

Can't see why is SO important his sister is there but not his niece/nephew.

OP you made all the right arrangements as you've said, it's not your fault or the childcares fault that this has happened. Your brother will have to get over it, as it was his choice to exclude members of your family. This is unfortunately a risk that he has chosen to take IMO.

Your own DH can't mind his own dcs while you're at a wedding? I hope you don't have any serious challenges in life - I'd absolutely do this for my DH for their own sibling's wedding. He could so easily drop you off at the wedding, go somewhere nice within driving distance and have a nice day with his kids.

WTF should the children be subjected to a 10 hour round trip for an event they are not invited to?

The OP has already explained that there is FA do do locally to entertain the children - but hey let's shove them in the car for an additional 3/4 hours to find somewhere nice to go to visit whilst she's at the wedding.

That doesn't exactly make you parent of the year does it? No way I'd expect this of children (or my DH) because frankly in a stand off between their welfare and a brothers inability to compromise my children win hands down.

It's exceptional circumstances and the obvious solution is to allow the children to attend if he wants his sister there that desperately.

Upshot is the B&G don't want to facilitate a solution here. Fine. But that's on them and not a burden to be passed onto two young children.

There are options (albeit not many and they may be slightly inconvenient) but she won't go because she doesn't really wan't to go in the first place because after all its her DB's 2nd wedding (so It's not important at all, he should have made it worked the first time) and he was a massive bully to her favorite brother whom she is extremely close to, so any "reason" not to go, she'll find one, or two, or fifty.....That's the gist I'm getting here.

What’s my option then? Go on seeing as you obviously know?

Even if I could find someone to have a five year old at a few hours notice, no way would I do that to a young child.

Would anyone here say to their five year old "right, we're heading to (random acquaintance's) house where you're going to sleep over for two nights. Yes I know you don't know them and that your sister is going somewhere else, but you'll be fine. Right let's pack and go" ?

I’m insincere because I would take a flight to Dublin, stay overnight, take a flight to Inverness, travel in a taxi, then do it all in reverse the next day?

This thread really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Except for organising childcare and paying £300 for a hotel room which she isn't going to be able to use.

Your brother has made the classic child-free wedding blunder. He planned a child-free wedding when there is a must-attend guest who could potentially face real obstacles to finding child care. Even the best planning sometimes falls through.

Just read all your responses, OP, & I think you are being completely reasonable. I'd have done the same in your position.

Just a heads-up: the Endlesslypatient poster has been 'genuinely curious' quite prolifically in the last few days on MN, and is obviously on the wind-up.

As someone who actually had a (mostly) child free wedding... it is ridiculous that your brother doesn't just say bring the kids!

We ended up with some babies and a handful of children for various reasons which was absolutely fine. We couldn't invite everyone's children as the numbers would literally have doubled, but we did check in with friends about it and also made sure our wedding was very close to the vast majority of the guests so hardly anyone in hotels etc.

This

I think we've gone full circle 🤣

How about you read OP's posts and see why neither of these options are possible?

Read the OP's posts?

There's been several circles.

This thread really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Absolutely.

I'm waiting for the suggestion that you should hire a private plane/helicopter to fly you over the venue to allow you to parachute in with flares (in the wedding parties colours) attached to your ankles and another poster to respond it would be bad form to "steal the show".

You'd have been hospitalised by now if you'd started at page 1! 😂

I couldn't actually imagine my wedding without my nieces and nephews. I adore them and find it a bit odd that your DB who by the sounds of it really doesn't get much chance to see your DC isn't jumping at the chance to see them. TBH I think I would've been more likely to ban my siblings/siblings-in-law than their kids ... 🤣

I've no idea why your brother and so many people on this thread expect you to bend over backwards, take days out of your life, incur insane costs and even expose your children to Covid, all because the bridal couple feel entitled to ban children from their wedding!!

I simply wouldn't go. If your brother genuinely wanted you there, as opposed to caring about appearances, he'd have included your children in the original invitation, and made it clear to everyone that his sister and her family travelling hundreds of miles to attend are obviously an exception.

(Speaking as someone who lives in the arse end in question, and who also didn't attend my supposed brother's wedding.)

I don’t!

but there seemingly never was an option. Not a single one. So why did you need to ask and then come to a decision .

you don’t think there a decision to make, but you don’t think there’s a single option. So there was never a decision to make.