Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

Well if you are just going to come up with excuse after excuse yYou not go and out no effort in then just don’t go but your brother has a right to be annoyed specially as he’s offered you childcare.

Can’t your husband just take them out for the day near the wedding? You can then go and it’s a bit of a treat for the children too.

If BIL has it SIl will probably be a few days behind, I wouldn't have wanted to look after anyone last week when I had it
Only 0ption is you go and DH looks after the kids

If you really wanted to go and cared about your brother I do think you’d find a way to make it happen

has your BiL and Sil said they won’t do it? What have they said exactly?

Go on the train?

This!

YANBU I would offer to bring the kids (how old are they? would they be okay sharing a hotel room with you) or not go at all. His choice.

All go, DP takes the kids out while you attend the wedding.

So I’m either setting off at 5.30am tomorrow morning or I go tonight and leave when the night do is in full swing?

Not that I can set off, I’ve had a sports injury and my right leg is fucked at the moment!

Your brother may feel disappointed but he’ll just have to accept it. There doesn’t seem to be any other options, he’ll get over it.

It’s in the arse end of the Scottish highlands, there aren’t trains! And I’m the only local family member so sadly can’t get a lift!

When we have been to a children free wedding we all went and I actually attended while DH and the DC went off and did something else. We made a weekend of it and had a nice time

This is a good suggestion.

Look you either want to go and will make an effort to find a solution.

Or you will stick with your excuses as justification for not going.

TBH this is how it feeling t. Don’t see why I should sit through a wedding alone without my husband while he takes them to a park somewhere, it’s a long way to travel just so 75% of the party can do what they’d do at home. Also haven’t booked a family room and hotel is fully booked as it’s the wedding hotel so not even sure they’d have anywhere to sleep!

You all go and DH looks after kids in hotel/takes them on an adventure so you can attend the wedding.

We had a child free wedding back before we and most of our cohort had had children. We understood completely when those with children couldn't make it.

It is unfortunate that it's a last minute drop out, especially as he will have paid for your food, but either he is going to need to accept that it was his choice to not have children there or you all need to go and your DH can take the children out nearby for the day.

I think for a sibling’s wedding I’d want to make the effort. Even if it means an hour in a taxi.

There are trains covering great swathes of the highlands. You might need to stay an extra night.

So you would leave your children with a couple that you’d never ever met before?

If none of the solutions offered are practical (I don't think I'd leave kids with people I'd never met either) then I think your brother has to accept that if you have a child-free wedding, that sometimes means people really close to you can't attend, so YANBU.

I thought this, and If the kids went then it’s likely we’d be taking it into Turkey. Whilst it’s unlikely we’d be ‘caught’, it’s a shitty thing to do IMO

Op several posters have suggested your DH does something locally with the dc. Why are you ignoring that suggestion?

“Do anything you humanly can to make sure you’re at your brothers wedding, leave them with the window cleaner if you can, have to checked into local kennels?”

Nah, sorry, what about your brother. How about he does what he needs to do to make sure his sister is there…. Like…. For example, letting his niece and nephew come?!

Not sure how old your kids are or why your DH can’t look after them. But I think there’s a compromise to be found somewhere between you and your brother.

Im in the camp of if you choose a child free wedding then you have to accept there will be drop outs so he can't be all arsey with you.

I also wouldn't expect SIL to mind the kids then you potentially having your family holiday ruined.

I think it does make a difference when it’s a second wedding, obviously it’s no longer a once in a lifetime thing, so that would effect my thinking, in your case, I wouldn’t go anyway, I didn’t go to (either) of my brothers weddings and we’re still pretty close.

And if he's really so bothered about his sister attending his wedding then he can find a way to add your children to the day. If it's that important you are there.