Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

The voting in firmly in your favour. It’s hot and people are just enjoying giving you grief cos they’re grumpy.

You can’t go. Doesn’t sound like you’ll be missing much. He’s shown where his priorities lie, you’re fine to show him yours.

Hope your leg is better soon and Turkey is amazing.

Really excuse of ‘not wanting to sit alone’ for your brother’s wedding tbh. Unless you don’t like him because he’s done something horrible to you.
I’d leave the children with my husband and go.

How do you think the OP can go? She can't drive, she doesn't have childcare, she can't take the kids.

Where is your magic suggestion?

The train and taxi costs combined will be though.

No, things she can’t do.

Can you ring the place you are booked to stay and see if they have any babysitters available.
The kids travel with you, babysitter minds them for the wedding and reception and then they are with you for the second day.

I agree with childfree weddings - but not for immediate family. But that's my personal opinion.

Flummoxed on how 350 miles = 2 nights. That’s 1 night even taking wedding day/night into account.

She Cannot Go Anyway Because She Cannot Drive And There Are No Trains From Where She Lives.

350 miles is an absolute MINIMUM 5 hour drive, assuming all motorway and moving smoothly at pretty near top speed, and no stops for petrol/comfort break/food.

So some posters would require the OP to get up and leave (bearing in mind her leg injury means currently can't drive) at some very stupid o'clock time in the morning (say the wedding is 11am, that means leaving no later than 6am but realistically about 4am to be sure of getting there and allowing for a change of clothes - you're not going to drive 5 hours dressed in wedding finery).

Then do the wedding, catching up with everyone, have a few drinks, leave the party still in full swing to get some sleep (having been up since probably 3.30am) - so that you can get back in the car sometime the following morning and do the 5+ hours drive home again.

In this heat.

Even if it is a later start than 11am, you are still going very early and not going to be fit for socialising properly until late into the night and catching up with family/friends.

Having driven roughly 700 miles over the course of 3 days recently, I can tell you I was fit for nothing but my bed at the end of it, I couldn't even have dinner when I got home at the end - quite without the aspect of a late night and the joys and not so joyous parts of a family wedding thrown into the mix!

I'm with you OP, no way I'd go in your situation. Your childcare fell through for valid reasons, that's not your fault and you shouldn't have to bend over backwards and leave your kids with any tom dick or harry just so you can go. I wouldn't be going either

Aren't there train strikes this weekend?

Some of these suggestions are nuts. The solution was she had childcare. But it’s fallen through, so she can’t go. When you live rurally taxis can indeed be in the hundreds if they’re available at all.

She can.
She doesn’t want to.

She can leave her kids with childcare her brother has kindly sorted. She doesn’t want to.

She could get a taxi and a train. She doesn’t want to.

Her DH could look after the kids and she could go alone. She doesn’t want to.

I wouldn't be attending either now, I'm surprised at these responses tbh. Your brother is being a groomzilla.

The solution to the fact the children weren’t actually invited I mean

You still haven't actually said why your DH can't just stay home with the kids while you go, OP.

Surely its travel 350 miles > sleep > attend wedding > sleep > travel 350 miles home.

Just tell him you'll make it to his third wedding. 😆

So everyone moaning at Op for not going or saying they clearly don't want to and not reading why , what about the brother ? He chose a childfree wedding so that comes with consequences , they are his niece / nephew too so surely if he wants his sister there that much he should of considered this too ?

No it isn't. Unless the wedding was about 5pm and even then you'd be pushing it. Have you actually driven in the Highlands?

I can only think that most MNers drive at about 100mph on the motorways and never get any disruption. But anyway, roads in Scotland are not that good, you can't go that fast. Especially on the A9 with the lorries doing 50mph and nowhere to overtake them!

And as I said above, I don't think it's remotely safe to do that sort of mileage over two days, especially if you're drinking alcohol. You WILL be tired and you WILL make mistakes. Just don't take others with you when you do!

I think leg injury on her part

@SleeplessInEngland except she has multiple times
Leg injury can't drive , very rural no transport and no other family members nearby going so no lift
Which is mentioned a couple of times

He’s entitled to a child free wedding and the OP is entitled not to go

Yep. Having a child-free wedding in the arse-end of nowhere and expecting guests to move heaven and earth and spend a fortune to attend is the absolute bloody epitome of entitled.

Stunned at all these people insisting that you travel alone with a broken leg/ make your family do a 700 mile round trip for something they are not invited to.

If you were important to your brother, he’d have found a way to accommodate your children.

Your brother is being utterly unreasonable to have a child free wedding and then get pissy when those with children don’t attend.

You can’t attend as you don’t have childcare. Of course you’re not happy to leave your children with randomers you don’t know- who the hell does that?

If your brother wants you to come, he invites your children.

Yes she has. She can’t drive due to her injury and there isn’t any suitable public transport.

Maybe she could put herself in a big box and get a courier to deliver her?