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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want peace and quiet for a couple of hours?

27 replies

Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 13:27

The children woke at 6. I did breakfast, cleaned up after breakfast, got them washed and dressed and went out by 830. Spent the morning running round, chasing the toddler down slides, pushing on swings, in and out of play equipment, feeding ducks. Back by 12, made lunch, ate lunch, children down for nap, cleared up lunch, put clean washing away, another wash goes on, I sit down. And then DH appears.

AIBU in really just wanting an hours peace? He’s a lovely man but I do wish he’d go back to the office 😩😩😩

OP posts:
ChubbyCaterpillar · 09/08/2022 18:39

What happens when he appears?

MsChatterbox · 09/08/2022 18:42

Wfh can be hard in these times. I've explained to my husband that it's not him but I just need some time by myself to recoup and then I've disappeared to the bedroom! It can be hard to talk about as they can feel rejected and not wanted but so long as you are clear you still like them lol then it's fine. And no you're not unreasonable! As much as I love my husband the one time he had a meeting in office was bliss. Sat in silence and watched something and ate snacks 😂

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 18:55

The mistake was not making the most of the kids naps. Presumably they're up not long after DH appeared any way.

If DH has finished for the day, why can't you get out for an hour? Or after he does finish? Or on a weekend?

Original poster
Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 19:32

He hadn’t finished - was just appearing!

With the best will in the world, I can’t leave food all over the floor and smeared all over the highchair. I know ‘lower your standards’ is a MN refrain but I don’t think clean clothes and a kitchen not covered in food is a slippery slope to Monica’s apartment.

OP posts:
GoldenSpiral · 09/08/2022 19:36

I completely sympathise OP. My DH works from home and I'm always happy to have some alone time when my DS naps. My DH sometimes delays lunch to spend time with DS too, which provides a bit of balance. I really enjoy it when DH is out for the whole day!

LaPerduta · 09/08/2022 19:41

YANBU to want some peace, but you did presumably choose to have a life which included a husband and children. What you've described (taking your children to the park, feeding the ducks, DH popping back for lunch) sounds pretty idyllic to someone who would have loved to have a partner and kids.

And I agree with a PP that you should have taken the opportunity while your children were napping. Surely the washing at least could have waited for an hour?

Original poster
Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 19:51

DH didn’t pop back for lunch; he was in the house, waiting for an opportune moment 😩

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 09/08/2022 20:03

Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 19:51

DH didn’t pop back for lunch; he was in the house, waiting for an opportune moment 😩

Ha!

You need to take advantage of him WFH to have your own lunch hour. Tell him it would be so lovely if he’d join you all for lunch 12-12.45. Then lob some sandwich bits on the table and urgently need the toilet… where you stay for a long time.

Come back just in time to put the DC down for a nap and for him to head back to his desk.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 09/08/2022 21:14

Isn't playing with children at the park and feeding ducks being at peace?

I loved those times. Wish I still had them tbh.

Making lunch and clearing up is zen stuff. It's just pootling.

I'm not sure what to say if I'm honest.

Original poster
Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 21:20

Arrive at park.

Tantrum over sitting in pushchair.

Run round for two solid hours. No exaggeration. Mine does not stop. On the play equipment, through the play equipment, away from the big swings (tantrum) on the big slide yay well done you climb up the steps on the big slide yay well done you (x22.)

On the play equipment, through the play equipment, over to the big swings, away from the big swings (tantrum) push on the swings, loses interest, yelps to go down, run run run run on the play equipment, through the play equipment, over under backwards forwards up down. Big slide again.

no, no, it was not peaceful. It was anything but peaceful. It was hot sweaty and exhausting. Peaceful, no.

OP posts:
doilookremotelyinterested · 09/08/2022 21:24

Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 19:32

He hadn’t finished - was just appearing!

With the best will in the world, I can’t leave food all over the floor and smeared all over the highchair. I know ‘lower your standards’ is a MN refrain but I don’t think clean clothes and a kitchen not covered in food is a slippery slope to Monica’s apartment.

What was wrong with Monica's apartment?! Sometimes a cold drink on a hot day needs a coaster!
But what you should have done when DH appeared was say 'keep an eye on the kids, I just need to pop out briefly' and disappear off for an hour of peace and quiet. Easily explained on your return by 'bumped into x and she didn't stop...'

AlisonDonut · 09/08/2022 21:26

Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 19:51

DH didn’t pop back for lunch; he was in the house, waiting for an opportune moment 😩

Opportune moment for what?

I'd tell him 'sorry petal, this is my hour's break. I'll have a coffee if you are making one. Ta'.

Wellthatgotbetter · 09/08/2022 21:35

YANBU. And meh to those who are all “that sounds idyllic” because it bloody isn’t. You need eyes in your backside and cannot switch off for a second.

mine are tweens and I’m knackered, they’ve all had friends over and seem to have eaten CONSTANTLY. And they can’t speak at a normal volume. I don’t have a husband thank God. So when the kids are finally quiet it’s bliss but it’s pushing 10pm and there is no sign yet.

Topgub · 09/08/2022 21:37

Did you tell him to go away you want peace?

Or go to your room?

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 09/08/2022 21:42

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 09/08/2022 21:14

Isn't playing with children at the park and feeding ducks being at peace?

I loved those times. Wish I still had them tbh.

Making lunch and clearing up is zen stuff. It's just pootling.

I'm not sure what to say if I'm honest.

Ffs. A slight overwhelmed at one moment Mum has a whinge to other Mums. A situation repeatedly daily up and down the country and all over the world
since the beginning of time. What you say is I understand we all have difficult moment or some other expression of empathy.

OP, the repeatedly cleaning the highchair stage is soul destroying. Wishing you a break tomorrow.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/08/2022 21:46

Not sure if I’m reading this the same way as everyone else?

Im reading it that the kids were still napping when he came down? That he COULD have taken his lunch break at a time when it would have helped you, ie when the kids were about and he could have been an extra pair of hands.

But instead he came down just as you were settling down for a bit of time to yourself, and what? Expected you to chat to him, get him lunch?

Could you have explained that you needed this time just to yourself?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 21:47

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 09/08/2022 21:14

Isn't playing with children at the park and feeding ducks being at peace?

I loved those times. Wish I still had them tbh.

Making lunch and clearing up is zen stuff. It's just pootling.

I'm not sure what to say if I'm honest.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Only appropriate response to "toddler's in a hot park is peaceful"

TimeForTeaAndG · 09/08/2022 21:48

If DH is working from home, can't he get up at 6 and do breakfast? Then you can come downstairs an hour or so later?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 21:49

Goawaydh · 09/08/2022 19:51

DH didn’t pop back for lunch; he was in the house, waiting for an opportune moment 😩

Oh god, was he hoping for a lunch time w
quickie??? Just flick it, that'll send it away.

doobydoobydooooo · 09/08/2022 21:51

God that's annoying. I love a quiet house. It's just not the same.

And I fucking hate the park.

RedPandaFluff · 09/08/2022 21:53

@wherearebeefandonioncrisps I think you might be wearing your rose-tinted glasses there Grin

I can't think of a single toddler park outing or meal with my DD that could be described as "zen" or "pootling"!

And yes, a bit of empathy with a knackered mum wouldn't go amiss, rather than making her feel inadequate with "what? but that's so easy, I miss it . . . "

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 09/08/2022 21:54

Wow the heat is making people so agitated! (Aimed at the posters preaching to enjoy every second etc)

Poor you OP- hot hectic mornings are tough and breaks are so important! Definitely would not be unreasonable for you to politely tell DH to piss off and let you enjoy your golden hour!!

Hope you get some time to yourself at some point!

TheWayTheLightFalls · 09/08/2022 22:02

Isn't playing with children at the park and feeding ducks being at peace?

Are you anywhere near south London, by any chance, and free tomorrow 8am - 1?

Habada · 09/08/2022 22:06

Seriously hope he wasn't angling for 1?! I'd have given him the pack of antibac wipes, muttered something along the lines of "glad your back, you're good at polishing things, toys need a clean, see you in a hour" and got me keys and left t'house for a brew Grin

cheninblanc · 09/08/2022 22:09

I'm with you and mine are older teens. I feel constantly talked at them, dh, work. I get zero time in the house alone ever and that's not going to change any time soon. Dh talks constantly

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