To ask for advice on this...

[VenusFairy]

Name change for obvious reasons:

I fancy my DHs best friend. We have 3DC together but in the last 3 months I've found myself really attracted to his best friend and can't get him out of my head.

I know I am likely to be grilled but how do I deal with this and get him out of my mind - especially when we see him a lot (our DC play with his DC!!!!!!). I feel terrible.

Imagine him farting and picking his nose.

Work on your own relationship too.

Would you like to leave your DH and be with his friend?

how do you visualise that working? Can you visualise leaving the family home, going through the cost and pain of the split, having your DH visit to see the children, etc..? Is your relationship dead enough that this seems an attractive option?

I am guessing “no” as you haven’t mentioned any abuse, conflict or lack of feeling between you and DH .

therefore to “get this out of your head” maybe see it for what it is - a flight of fantasy and pure fancy. Something which is possible in your mind because DH’s mate is the perfect cipher for a fanciable man who doesn’t come with any of the reality of your life with multiple children

I think a harmless crush is fine but edging towards inappropriate, but acting on it would be the issue!

Also if you did leave your DH, somehow get together etc - you'd have to be a stepmum to his DC, and have them round half the time. It's a package deal, imagine those (exhausting, messy, loud) play dates being 50/50 of your life.

Just imagine him doing horrible things - picking nose, farting, leaving skid marks in boxers he expects you to wash etc.

Plus OP, bet he's terrible in bed and misses the toilet when he has a wee in the night.