to not tell H I'm taking DD on holiday

[hellothere2]

H moved to another region with OW. He has no interest in DD4 and has only seen her twice this year. His calls are also very inconsistent, sporadic and often doesn't call when he says he would. We've not divorced yet, as he is refusing to do so.

I'm going on a long-haul holiday with DD (will be celebrating her birthday abroad) and I am not planning on telling him. He's shown me on so many occasions, he doesn't care about her and will most likely not want to be with her on birthday.

AIBU?

I believe you need permission from everyone with PR to take a child abroad so technically you could be stopped from leaving the country without his agreement.

Whether or not this is likely is something I have no knowledge of.

If you think it's unlikely he will notice then go for it.

Beware though that you might need his permission to travel and that if he has her passport number he can report her passport as missing or her as an abduction risk and block her passport - you will only find out at the airport.

Be careful if he 'wont' divorce - as you are still financially linked. He can mess with your credit if you are not very careful. (Along with all the other crap!)

I always think it’s best to treat the other parent with the respect you’d want to be shown whether they return it or not.
He may at any point end up going to court for access that will be granted (I know this feels unlikely at the moment) and you wouldn’t want to be on the other end of this.

So yes, tell him. I don’t know if I’d be able to help myself giving as little notice as possible though!

I'd just go. It's not like he has set visitation rights.

If he phones on her birthday she can still speak to him if she wants to even from abroad.

He sounds like a pretty useless father and husband so why make your life more complicated by including him in your holiday plans.

Thank you for your posts and advice.

We went abroad just the 2 of us without informing him last year. He later saw photos and was aware that we went. He didn't cause any problems. Not sure, if it will be the same this time though..