To ask when you're treated differently

[buddylicious]

Another post has made me think about this ...

Do you still encounter situations when men and women are treated differently? A couple of examples are:

1. I went to buy a new car and my husband came with me. I told the salesman it was for me yet he literally just spoke to my husband about the car. (This was a few years ago. I should have said something. I would now).

1. The man is automatically given the restaurant bill. (My brother has told me that years ago, when eating in good restaurants, they would give the men and women two different menus, ie the man's had prices on and the women's didn't)!!!

@Hoppinggreen

We had a builder come around yesterday He introduced himself then held out his hand to DH. I told him my name and stuck my hand out and he looked a bit non plussed for a second then shook mine too. If I feel I am being treated differently due to my sex I will deliberately make things awkward and if that doesn’t work I will point it out

I didn't think anyone was shaking hands nowadays?

I opened the account. I applied for the mortgage. I sent off all the paperwork and I made all the decisions, carefully explained them to my husband and showed him where to sign. I'm the higher earner and decision maker. Yet bullshit convention means his name goes first on the application and he is the only one contacted to make decisions hence forth.

This is my bugbear too. I even completed the mortgage application with me as applicant 1, and DH is still named first on the documentation.

Quite a few.

Getting a new car, the salesman speak directly to my dad even though dad tells him its for me and my know what I want. Car salesman tells me the cars too big for me and to get a girls car. Every question I asked, he answered to dad eve when dad walked away.

I get asked what I do for a job, I say I’m in engineering and it’s assumed I’m admin support, and thats from women as well.

In a meeting last week with my manger (male) and the rest of the team (all male) from other companies. Going through the work I had done, my names all over the report and drawings, and all questions are directed to my manager. My manager says numerous times alwaysconfuddled is best to answer as she’s done the work and has more an idea. I answer questions confidently no problem, manager leaves for another meeting and I continue to answer questions. End of meeting comes and I’m asked if I will have a piece of work ready before the next meeting and cannot be issued before the meeting. This had been confirmed by my manger already. I confirmed they would receive the work prior to the next meeting, next I was asked if i was ok to pass on m a message to my manger, one person checked numerous times and thought I was not capable of passing a message on to my manger even when I had repeated it back. every time a question was asked to me, I would answer and then another person would address me and try to simplify the answer 😒, the attitude of this person completely changed once my manger left and they became very patronising. My manger checking in on ems after the meeting, I told him what had happened and that I’m expecting an email to be sent, soon enough an email was sent with the message I was meant to pass on 😡

I have several medical conditions and i went to an appointment at the last one with my mum. The doctor was nicey nicey to me and speaking like a child to my mum as he assumed it was her with them. Then when I spoke up and said it was actually me he started speaking to me like a child asking did I understand the conditions etc. Really really angered me. Do not speak to me with pity or in a baby voice because I’m ill. 🤬🤬

Went out for tea the other night. Ordered on the app. A pint of bud light and a pint of pespi. Waiter immediately without asking put the beer in front of my husband and pepsi in front of me. We switched (I wanted the beer). Second round, a 0% Heineken and a pint of pepsi. Same waiter, collected the glasses onto his tray before putting our drinks down and even though he could see it was me who'd had the beer - he did the same thing again. I actually laughed and even my husband got onto it (and he never normally pays any attention to minor things like this)

@hookiewookie29

I opened a bank account several years ago just in my name. Decided to add hubby to it a couple of years later . The statements are now only addressed to him......

This happened to my Mum thirty years ago! I think it was Halifax. She had put in money from her inheritance from her father but then decided to add my father to it. They then addressed all correspondence to him and she phoned and played pop with them - but they wouldn't change it. Said they did it "out of courtesy" - courtesy to who ffs, not to her evidently? She told them all this but nothing changed and it always rankled with her - she often mentioned it.

My male line manager thinks swearing is unladylike. I haven't been swearing at work, it just came up in casual conversation.

At the bank with my husband for a financial review. The credit card is in my name - the shock and horror from the female financial advisor was surprising. She was younger than me and she couldn’t seem to comprehend how I could have control of the credit card. It was fairly recent too,

[quote SilverOtter]@iwantmyownicecreamvan that's ridiculous! What would they have done if your parents only had female children?![/quote]
Well exactly! A (male) relative who was at the interment soothingly told me it would be because he had the same surname - what a load of patronising bollocks. I told him that when mum and interred her brother's remains there was no problem with the surname being different. No, I am convinced it was rooted in sexism and I just happened to be the first to draw their attention to it.

All my male relatives think I am just being silly, but I know my Mum would have agreed with me! She was a woman ahead of her time and didn't take any prisoners. How I miss her.

And my Dad too of course.

I once had dinner with my mother (Mrs Smith), an aunt (Mrs Jones) and her son (Mr Jones). My mother had booked the table in her name, Mrs Smith. When the bill came, it was headed 'Mr Smith' and given to my cousin, Mr Jones. We all found this very very amusing and I suggested to my cousin that he pay the whole bill, but he wasn't having it.

This is depressing I'm getting on a bit and thought this crap was not so common nowadays. I've certainly not noticed it. Many years ago I went to a posh do with a female friend, as we entered the doormen looked behind us and said where are your men

@Inspectorslack

And I correct use of “the girls” every. Single. Time.

Yep, me too. Hate, hate, hate this - " the team" works so much better.

Opened a joint current account with DH (back when he was still DP). Came back with only his surname on it. The bank couldn't see what my problem was. Now he is DH but I don't have his surname or use the title 'Mrs' and yet the assumption is made ALL THE TIME.

Last year I got someone in to quote
Form some new blinds.

They had the quote ready but wouldn't dislcose it until the decision maker was present.

I didn't know what they meant at first and I said I am the decision maker it's me buying and paying and the salesman said "no we need to speak to your husband"

I fell about laughing and he left. Decision maker. Pmsl.

All the time! And I'm single so it's not even as if there's a man about to defer to!

Wow that’s utterly shocking!!

Really? When they're a rep of JRM? Nah!

Mainly of course diy, practical, car and mechanical stuff - but not only.

What I don't understand is in these times of review sites and sm (inc local Facebook pages!) WHY - they must lose SO much business as a result!

I'm 50 this year, disabled and unemployed I have a LOT of time on my hands so woe betide any business that pulls this shite on me cos if a complaint direct to the company is useless I'm straight onto the review sites, sm and word of mouth! I may not be employed but I know plenty who are including people who are the ones that decide whether their company uses a certain business!

I recently alerted one friend in such a role as to the very sexist online ad campaign being run by a company she was considering for a HUGE contract - once she'd seen the ad links I sent her - they didn't get the contract!

Fitter was promptly sacked abs another one found.

See job lost! AND it will have already cost him to do the work he'd done so far providing quote etc

suffice to say we didn't buy from them.

MAJOR job loss - these companies are really shooting themselves in the foot repeatedly!

All these partners, husband's, dad's, brothers that don't say anything. Aren't they just as bad?

Yep!

My ex - totally clueless on cars - has his faults (obviously) but whenever we were dealing with car stuff he'd be like "don't ask me I've no idea! Graphista is the one knows about cars"

Can’t believe this shit is still happening. My parents run a shop jointly but when people come in and ask my mum “can I speak to the boss?” my dad makes a point of calling over “you’re speaking to her!” Love him.

I haven’t had too much of this stuff at work, except for a couple of male interns who clearly thought that I should have to do the menial boring stuff (opening post, making tea) rather than Wonderful Them. No female intern or trainee ever behaves that way.

Love the PP who told her colleagues where the cloths were so he could learn.

Oh, well you've me started now. One of my all-time favourites. In a previous job I took a phone call about a bespoke piece of software that I had designed, developed and documented. Ten minutes of explanation about the software and the specific problems it addresses then;

Caller: " Thanks love, very helpful. Now, can I speak to the bloke that wrote the software?"

Me: "You're speaking to him".

Twat twat twat twat twat

So sorry for your losses @iwantmyownicecreamvan

Soooo thankful for the receptionists discretion. I ignored the text btw

Depressing though that this NEEDED to happen isn't it?

Double glazing seems to be a particularly bad industry for this, on a similar thread a poster came on trying to DEFEND this as their dh was a dg salesman who complained customers would back out citing "dh doesn't agree with price" never seemed to occur to her they were SAYING dh BECAUSE the salesman was obviously a sexist twat!

Try flying Emirates airline on your own.

Hopefully your response to that is to never fly emirates again! My dd looked into an airline job, WHICH airline was not mentioned until she reached a certain point in the process at which point she swiftly withdrew her application. But then given this was how they proceeded it seems they're aware people don't even want to work for them!

I just shook my head at her and joined the queue.

And hopefully complained about her sexism, lack of professionalism AND rudeness?!

I would ask the woman who'd answered the door "can we count on your vote?" to which the reply would sometimes be "I don't know, I'll have to ask my husband".

2 examples of internalised misogyny there

Obviously I’d like to just buy the mens but my feet are too small!

Buy the boys socks!

See also mens/boys tee shirts, scarves, gloves, hats, jumpers, cardigans...

I've bought all of those to wear myself

Ditto the kids clothes. My dd also wears/wore "boys" clothes

I remember having a conversation at the school gates with a mum going "but that's a boys coat" and me going "yep and it's warm, dry and cosy and half what the girls one was priced at!" She had 2 girls she was trying to find coats for, this was a Friday come Monday her 2 had the same coats! This sparked a bit of a "trend" in that class at least and much discussion among the parents as to WHY the girls coat (exact same design same shop just pink rather than navy blue!) was TWICE the price! - actually iirc it was £5 MORE than double the price!!

Thing is - how often do we do these things to find out? I am never going to bury my parents again am I?

Sorry for your loss and appalling treatment you had there. You're right such occasions are hopefully rare in our lives but I would hope you would warn others off using this company?

Brainwave89 I hope you spoke to his line manager about his behaviour?

Too many clichés here to take it seriosuly.

Cliches exist BECAUSE the scenarios are so often true!

Someone told me a young man told me he didn't know how he voted because his father filled in the postal votes for the whole family (presumably just getting them to sign).

Good grief!

No wonder we have such a shit govt then!


If these men can get it right then they all can.

Exactly it's not hard and will stop them losing business!

This sort of problem is so common with tradesmen that I wonder what the home lives of a lot of them are like.

Absolutely!

PearlClutchersInc yes I have the added fun of when dealing with anyone who knows I have a (physical, invisible - at the moment) disability and/or have a mental illness I get ignored or spoken to as if I'm stupid!

V-e-r-y slowly, loudly and short words



It's bad enough when it's the energy company or other utility (I'm flagged as disabled for service reason)

But when it's supposedly highly trained hcps?!

Do not speak to me with pity or in a baby voice because I’m ill. 🤬🤬

Yep that is what I get too! I'm 49 ffs!

HashtagSexy good god are you still in contact with fil?

I experienced the menu thing in Italy a few years back. I thought it was charming.

why?!

allgreyeverything

again I hope you emailed from YOUR email address to tell him you'd be going elsewhere with your significant business and why

To be fair, they were right (if you were Miss Smith and married Mr Jones, it would make no sense for your name to then be changed to Mrs Smith).

Nonsense! No they weren't!

Plenty of women do this certainly these days. Plus they are supposed to SERVE the customer not insult them! There's no legal or practical reason for them to refuse to do this! It's a purely cultural and anachronistic nonsense

My black list of companies which we will never deal with is quite long now!

Excellent response!

Car salesman tells me the cars too big for me and to get a girls car.

Wtf!! Hope you told him he'd lost a sale too!

My friend has blonde hair and admittedly looks younger than she is (mid 30s).

She'd just started a new job and was being introduced to her colleagues and some bloke asked if she was the new "admin girl".

She was actually one level below partner and far more senior than him. At least he looked embarrassed when she told him.

I spoke to an estate agent last week regarding an investment property that I own solely.

I received an email addressed to Mr Dusty.
I have emailed back to Mr Geraldine.

I co-own a business with my DH. A few years ago we considered selling, and met a contact of a company interested in buying. DH and I have our own skills within the company. He does HR, I do finance. Every single question I asked this man he answered to my husband. I wouldn’t have sold to him if I was on my uppers. So irritating.

Recently we applied for a business grant. I filled all forms in with business name (which doesn’t have our name in) and my name as contact. All correspondence has come back addressed to DH.

Some of these are dreadful! I've done the dismissive workmen when buying my own house shit. The travelling with my male assistant (who they all assumed was my boss) shit. The manager (from a different department/role) asking if I can maybe order some sandwiches for a lunchtime meeting shit. It's incessant.

To be fair, they were right (if you were Miss Smith and married Mr Jones, it would make no sense for your name to then be changed to Mrs Smith).

Nope, I used to have an acquaintance who was Miss Smith, she married a Mr Jones and they became Mrs and Mr Smith.

I used to be a hospital porter. The amount of times I had a bleep/call for a job, and when they found out I was a woman.. they actually asked for a man.