To ask when you're treated differently

[buddylicious]

Another post has made me think about this ...

Do you still encounter situations when men and women are treated differently? A couple of examples are:

1. I went to buy a new car and my husband came with me. I told the salesman it was for me yet he literally just spoke to my husband about the car. (This was a few years ago. I should have said something. I would now).

1. The man is automatically given the restaurant bill. (My brother has told me that years ago, when eating in good restaurants, they would give the men and women two different menus, ie the man's had prices on and the women's didn't)!!!

My companies charity day is always a golf day. My suggestion of a spa day didn't go down well.
(Yes I KNOW lots of women play golf and lots of men love spa days....but still)

I go away with 3 old friends regularly: 1 woman, 2 men. My female friend & I sleep in one twin bedded room & our 2 male friends sleep in another. When we're in hotels, the receptionists always give the room keys to the 2 men. We have a laugh about it now as we're so used to it.

I had someone come to my door trying to sell double glazing. I said that I wasn't interested and he suggested I talk it over with my husband. I asked him why and he said that it was an important financial decision

This was the eighties. We were buying a house just before getting married. I worked in a bank and they had staff loans at preferential rates. I was "encouraged" to take mine out over 10 years instead of the usual 25 cos I was a woman.
As teenager I worked in a guest house and we plated meals and kept them hot. There were Male and female portions. I loved my food and could have eaten a Male portion at anytime.

Was out recently and DH and I both ordered the fish and chips. His fish was definitely much bigger than mine.
Just remembered in 2000 I bought a new car and loan was through work though both names were on it. One of those flexible ones where you had a limit and could borrow from it at any time up to your limit. They didn't know that as I wrote them a cheque and I signed it.. It wasn't till afterwards I discovered that they had put DH on the log book

I used to work as DOC of a professional sports team. When we went to away games, directors, the CEO and other members of staff travelled on the bus.

I had to follow in my car because "girls aren't allowed on the bus"

It was before a general election. I answered the door to a canvasser for the Conservative party. He asked to speak to my husband, who could be seen further down the hall. I reminded him that women have had the vote for a hundred years and that I was on the voters roll.
FWIW he was canvassing on behalf of Jacob Rees Mogg.

We had a builder come around yesterday
He introduced himself then held out his hand to DH. I told him my name and stuck my hand out and he looked a bit non plussed for a second then shook mine too.
If I feel I am being treated differently due to my sex I will deliberately make things awkward and if that doesn’t work I will point it out

@MrsMoastyToasty

It was before a general election. I answered the door to a canvasser for the Conservative party. He asked to speak to my husband, who could be seen further down the hall. I reminded him that women have had the vote for a hundred years and that I was on the voters roll. FWIW he was canvassing on behalf of Jacob Rees Mogg.

You should have asked if he would prefer to speak to Nanny

@MrsMoastyToasty

It was before a general election. I answered the door to a canvasser for the Conservative party. He asked to speak to my husband, who could be seen further down the hall. I reminded him that women have had the vote for a hundred years and that I was on the voters roll. FWIW he was canvassing on behalf of Jacob Rees Mogg.

Wow that’s utterly shocking!!

SoManyQuestionsHere
Loved, loved, loved my (male) employee - a mid-level manager in his own right - who loudly responded "no worries, boss, I'll do it!" despite our (female) junior associate also being present.

If more men were like your colleague that cleared up it would help. Unfortunately they are in the minority. My husband does the grocery shopping, ironing etc. He is constantly told at work how good he is by female colleagues. He finds it so patronising. He thinks just because they put up with being married to a useless eejit doesn't mean he is one.

A few similar, but most recent was when I went with my dad to collect some parts for my car. The parts advisor in the garage kept talking to my dad, even when I asked the questions, they answered to my dad. Who then parroted the reply back to me 🤣 and then when it came to paying he handed my dad the card reader, I had my card in my hand ready....

I eat out quite a bit and they usually give the bill to the person who aske for it or the person who booked the table.

We went for dinner and ordered drinks. A different server brought our drinks from who took our order. I was handed the cocktail and my husband the beer.

I had ordered the beer, my husband the cocktail.

When I was a waitress I found the easiest thing to do was ask who had ordered which drink. I still got faces and mutterings like 'do I look like the type of woman who drinks pints of lager'.

My DH will not tip in restaurants, so we play a fun game where the card gets put on top of the bill and if the server asks who's card it is (Ms Naemates on the front), I take the machine and they get a tip but if they hand it direct to DH they don't.

@buddylicious

Or when you have a meeting at work and they still expect the woman to make the drinks!

This reminds me of a work meeting dh had once with Chinese clients. Both the man and woman had similar roles within the company but the man kept sending her off to get him a drink, food, etc. Dh said he didn't even ask, just waved his cup around and off she went!

All these partners, husband's, dad's, brothers that don't say anything. Aren't they just as bad? WE NEED MORE MEN TO HIGHLIGHT THIS BULLSHIT. My husband doesn't let these type of men get away with a thing. I don't think assholes like that really change but at least it would be nice if other men that are not like this would call them out on it.

Although we live together, my house is mine. I then inherited some money and decided to do it up/buy new furniture.

All in my name and my money. My OH helped choose but had no part in paying for it. Except some people added "Mr and..." to their systems so instead of getting stuff addressed to Miss Myname it would be addressed to Mr and Mrs Myname. My parents live abroad and get post delivered to my house so they ended up getting junk mail from the furniture shop because I assumed it was for them.

The bathroom fitter wanting to wait for DH to get the final quote and design signed off. Good luck mate he was in Iraq on a 9 month tour. Fitter was promptly sacked abs another one found.

About 10 years ago I was a waitress in a chain restaurant and we were told that when giving the bill, if it was a couple, give the bill to the man and if it was a group, give it to the person that asked for it.

Two instances, one of which was good (not sure if the good one counts)
Double glazing salesman sat in my front room wouldn't let me sign up until my partner came home and signed, on a house that I owned, me, by myself, arsehole wouldn't budge so he left with a flee in his ear 🙄

The good one, booking into a hotel, away with work colleagues, I'm the only female, receptionist gives every male colleague their keys and states which room they're in, she slides mine across the desk face down so you can't see the room number, smiles and says that's your room key, doesn't say the number out loud. Sister had my back!
Later that night a colleague texts asking which room I'm in so we can get together for a nightcap 🙄
Soooo thankful for the receptionists discretion. I ignored the text btw

Female headteacher who had a temporary male admin for a few months.

Every new visitor to the school assumed he was the HT and I was the admin.

(Regular occurrence): Man walks up to me at the dispensary counter, where I am stood in my suit with a badge that identifies me and my job title. Man briefly makes eye contact with me and says “I want to speak to the pharmacist, can you get him for me?” then man cranes his neck to look behind me for a male pharmacist who is not there. I stand there serenely saying nothing until man looks at me again. At this point I say “How can I help?” with a cold smile.

I worked with a guy who was the same grade / level as me. He put paperwork on my desk with a note saying "File this". I would write "File it yourself" and put it back on his desk.

Bloody incompetent Child Tax Credit office utter screwed up our payment. I wrote to them for months trying to sort it out and they always wrote back to Mr Skiing. He had nothing to do with it and it drove me potty. Utterly sexist.

Same issue with PP re owning a house and getting double glazing quote. I said it was too much and the guy said I should wait to speak to my (nonexistent) husband because he would understand about quality of windows and cost. I nearly kicked him as I threw him out.

Too many instances to mention.

We went together to buy a very expensive large screen to. I was paying for it and knew more about it than DH. Not only did the guy talk only to DH, he said there was a split screen feature. ‘So you can watch sport while the missus is watching Coronation Street’.

It was a perfect, my DH said to him ‘Have you seen Pretty Woman.’ We did not stay to see his face as we walked out.

@Campervangirl Was that a Premier Inn? They've done that when I've stayed with them before. They're great and very safety conscious.

Try flying Emirates airline on your own. I was seated next to a random man (fine) and the the air crew assumed we were together and gave him all my drinks snacks etc. I was invisible to them because in Emirati culture the guy is the boss and you don’t speak to his woman directly 🙄 I had to chase the staff down the aisle to get my lunch because they offered him two meals but he only took one.

In the UK it’s workmen who drive round the bedn. They assume my time has no value and I’d love to spend all day listening to them chat. If I tell them what to do on my project they start advising me why my taste is wrong. If my husband is around and gives thm an instruction they just do it, none of this chatter or arguing.