To ask when you're treated differently

[buddylicious]

Another post has made me think about this ...

Do you still encounter situations when men and women are treated differently? A couple of examples are:

1. I went to buy a new car and my husband came with me. I told the salesman it was for me yet he literally just spoke to my husband about the car. (This was a few years ago. I should have said something. I would now).

1. The man is automatically given the restaurant bill. (My brother has told me that years ago, when eating in good restaurants, they would give the men and women two different menus, ie the man's had prices on and the women's didn't)!!!

Recently a man came to my house to measure up rooms to quote me for fixing and levelling the floor and putting in new wooden floors. At the end I gave him my email address to send the quote by email. A few days later he texts my husband to ask him for his email address so he had send him the quote … I myself never received anything.

I opened a bank account several years ago just in my name. Decided to add hubby to it a couple of years later . The statements are now only addressed to him......

DH and I had public service roles. I was invited to a Royal Garden Party for services rendered and allowed to take DH as a guest. Everyone who heard about it assumed he was the invitee and I was the accompaniment.

I had the opposite experience a few months ago when buying new carpet. Sales assistant (young, male) kept directing all questions to me, despite me batting them to my husband each time. Then handed me the card reader when it was time to pay. It was such an odd experience and has really stuck in my mind.

@StorminaBcup

Two female bank cashiers would not / could not change my status from Miss to Mrs without changing my surname on the account to my husband’s (whose surname I haven’t taken).

To be fair, they were right (if you were Miss Smith and married Mr Jones, it would make no sense for your name to then be changed to Mrs Smith).

Lots of the others PPs are pretty shocking in how sexist they are though.

I'm very senior in my profession.

Over the years when I go anywhere with a male subordinates colleague people assume he is the boss and speak to him.

When I go to corporate dinners with my husband people assume he is the guest and I am the +1.

Happens all the time.

I'd been a National Trust member for years and added DP to my membership. The subscriptions continued to be paid from my personal bank account as they'd always been.

A few years later I rang up to cancel and was told that as DP was the first name on the account, only he could cancel the membership.

I just cancelled the direct debit. DP got all the failed collection letters for a bank account that wasn't his. Funnily enough I've never been tempted to rejoin.

That menu without prices thing sounds actually terrifying. You don't know if you'll leave having spent £30 or £300. I would honestly have to leave. It would genuinely give me too much anxiety to enjoy the food.

@hookiewookie29

Is that first direct???

I've noticed the same thing! Very irritating but haven't got round to phoning to.complain..

Recently at work we had a memo to say if it was unclear if correspondence was from a male or female to address reply to Mr.
I make a point of addressing it to Ms. Small act of rebellion

Oh another one. I am co -director of a limited company with a male friend. My name comes first in the alphabet and I'm listed first on Companies House. Both our entries just say "director" so there is no indication of who has what responsibilities and we are both founding directors and equal shareholders.

All the junk mail ( and I do mean ALL) offering credit, internet services etc etc goes to him. I have yet to receive one single piece. My black list of companies which we will never deal with is quite long now!

To be fair, they were right (if you were Miss Smith and married Mr Jones, it would make no sense for your name to then be changed to Mrs Smith).

But they aren’t right, because she hasn’t changed her name, but she is Mrs because she’s married. It isn’t compulsory to change her name to his:

I went to buy a new car and my husband came with me. I told the salesman it was for me yet he literally just spoke to my husband about the car. (This was a few years ago. I should have said something. I would now).

But your husband should have said something immediately, so he was just as bad. Mine would have (and has) pulled up salesmen repeatedly for this.

*To be fair, they were right (if you were Miss Smith and married Mr Jones, it would make no sense for your name to then be changed to Mrs Smith).

*Don't be ridiculous! I was Miss Smith before I got married, I didn't take my husbands name so now I am Mrs Smith. My marital status changed, not my surname. Actually I often now stick to Miss, occasionally Mrs. I despise how my marital status is indicated by my title, as if it's in the public interest to know if women are married or not, yet men remain Mr their whole lives.

My DP was collecting our DD from school. Another child had been let down by the after school club. So DP said he'd ring the child's dad and take them too. He did so. He was named in the school newsletter for being such a hero. Never mind all the mum's who regularly took a child home if their parents got delayed etc! ( village school).

I hosted foreign students at my home years ago to make some money whilst I was a SAHP. The male administrator always asked to speak to my husband when he had a new booking, despite my husband not being involved, never having spoken to him and never at home because he worked away. Made no difference what I said to this man, always asked for my husband. Next time he rang, I said nothing and put the phone down. He never called again.

I used to work for a very old fashioned uni department where they would have afternoon tea each day for all staff they even sounded a gong to summon everyone. It was expected that the female admin staff prepare the drinks and food (all the academics but one were male). I pointed out that this was a bit regressive and perhaps we could have a rota instead. They reluctantly agreed I bet as soon as I left, it went back to the old ways!

I sometimes meet up with my vegan brother at a restaurant. Virtually every time they bring the food over I get given the vegan meal and my brother is give the meat or fish that I ordered. I suppose that women are more likely to be vegan than men on average?

I was buying new doors. Had a company come round for the quote and another company booked for the afternoon. I was buying them with my money, my partner had told me he wasn’t bothered what style or anything. The salesman aimed all of the safety stuff at him but asked me what colour and glass I would like. When it came to cost I asked the price difference between two types and he turned to my partner and asked how much I was allowed to spend. He said you are best asking isthisprivate because it’s her money. He wrote a number down, showed my partner and said what about that? Will you agree to her spending that? My partner said it doesn’t matter if I agree or not, it’s up to her how much she spends, the salesman said she needs your nod of approval though. I was sat there still clueless to how much was being suggested! At this point I said I was getting a quote from another company later on so I thought he should leave because I wasn’t going to sign a blank cheque, still not getting it he said to my partner he should get the dotted line signed because this price wouldn’t be sticking around. My partner said she’s much better than I am with money, that’s why She gets paid £10,000 more for the exact same job and can afford new doors, if he wasn’t going to speak to isthisprivate directly then He was just throwing away business and he stood up and showed him out. After he left my partner wouldn’t tell me the amount he showed him because he didn’t want to “confuse my little brain with a big number”
The next day the company called me and gave me one last chance to buy the doors, I again said I’ve not been given a quote so wouldn’t be buying anything…. He hung up on me!

Referring to us as girls… everytime I respond with you mean women

@MrsMoastyToasty

It was before a general election. I answered the door to a canvasser for the Conservative party. He asked to speak to my husband, who could be seen further down the hall. I reminded him that women have had the vote for a hundred years and that I was on the voters roll. FWIW he was canvassing on behalf of Jacob Rees Mogg.

That made me laugh out loud!

I order the wine and then it's brought to my male partner to approve and taste. So fucked off with it. He always says to the waiter - she ordered the wine.

@Crimeismymiddlename

I have to wear steel capped boots for work. The only ones in my size from the supplier are for women, due to bright pink trim, however this is the only concession the manufacturer has made to women as although the length of the food is correct the shoes are far too wide to be made for women.

Sounds great - my feet are too wide for ‘ladies’ shoes and too small for mens

@YellowMonday

*Ah, especially when I'm quite senior on the corporate side of the airline.

Last time I flew there were two female pilots. It shouldn't even be something I notice, should it?

As for tradespeople saying "I need to speak to both of you", MNers always rationalise/excuse this by saying they want to make sure you can't cancel after talking to your partner. That does not make it ok, and you can still cancel anyway. It hasn't happened to me though.

The last time I bought a car I went, bought it and went to collect it all without DH. I did take DS who was 16 at the time, but nobody tried to patronise me.

I have had the "your husband's name is on the account so we can't talk to you" so I said the money comes out of our joint account so you either talk to me or I will cancel the direct debit. Funnily enough they then suggested a password option.

I booked visits to see properties over the Atlantic, chose & bought one.
My H is the first on the bank account, statement & deeds.

I went to buy a Toyota truck, the salesmen in the empty showroom ignored me. I left & went to Mercedes.

When I married my DH,(in France) I didn't change my name, the bank sent new a check book & bank card in Mrs "H's name" I rang & said they would have to re-issue, they told me I was married & it was the law to change my name, it wasn't, I had previously checked on-line... & they said to make do until they ran out... but here you often have to show ID when you pay by cheque, so they wouldn't match.. They had to back track.

This works both ways, although less so nowadays I would hope. When I used to canvass (not for JRM or his party I hasten to add), I would ask the woman who'd answered the door "can we count on your vote?" to which the reply would sometimes be "I don't know, I'll have to ask my husband

When I was about 11 it was the time of a general election and we put on a mock election at school. Teacher who lacked discretion then asked us who our parents would be voting for. I said Tory and labour (dad Tory, mum Labour) and she and the other kids said "but how?) in a shocked way. Er - my dad votes Tory and my mum votes Labour! I've always remembered that. My dad was quite controlling, but he didn't get himself a compliant little wifey who voted the way he did!