To ask when you're treated differently

[buddylicious]

Another post has made me think about this ...

Do you still encounter situations when men and women are treated differently? A couple of examples are:

1. I went to buy a new car and my husband came with me. I told the salesman it was for me yet he literally just spoke to my husband about the car. (This was a few years ago. I should have said something. I would now).

1. The man is automatically given the restaurant bill. (My brother has told me that years ago, when eating in good restaurants, they would give the men and women two different menus, ie the man's had prices on and the women's didn't)!!!

I kept getting calls on my mobile from our bank but asking to speak to my husband. They refused to tell me why so I said I would not pass the message on. Every 2 weeks for about 10 weeks it went on.

It was always the same guy calling and then he said to me, is this even your husbands phone number? I told him no. My husband has so little interest in the family banking that he asked for my mobile and email address to be his contact details. If you want to discuss anything, it has to be with me. He then proceeded to tell me our joint mortgage was coming to the end of its fixed term and would I like to discuss a renewal.

I made a formal complaint. I opened the account. I applied for the mortgage. I sent off all the paperwork and I made all the decisions, carefully explained them to my husband and showed him where to sign. I'm the higher earner and decision maker. Yet bullshit convention means his name goes first on the application and he is the only one contacted to make decisions hence forth.

I went to buy a motorbike and was directed to the mopeds

When looking at TV's and other electronic items my husband was spoken to not me.

30years ago (really not that long!) husband automatically named first on the mortgage. When the building society became a bank the payment they sent out was to the first named on the mortgage!

Not recent but a while ago an external company came to our office to present their wares to my team. My manager is a man and his senior director is a woman. You know what happens next... suffice to say we didn't buy from them.

We had a carpenter come to give a quote for a lot of woodwork we need doing. He asked about door furniture, and did we want a locking handle or a latch. We both said "latch" and then he started demonstrating to me the difference between a handle with a lock and a latch.

We went into the bank for me to pay a cheque in. I was about 2 steps ahead of DH. The greeter actually stepped around me to ask DH what he wanted, I replied "I'm paying a cheque in" and I was told (by the female greeter) that "I asked this gentleman, not you" and glared at me.

I just shook my head at her and joined the queue.

The only positive that has arisen from being widowed, is the excruciating awkwardness the other person experiences when they ask if my husband will be making the decision/can speak to them about a job.

I tend to just stare at them as they flush bright red and stutter, which makes them worse.

The garage I used for my MOT always sends the reminders to my dad, and not to me. I've called them to tell them -

1. it's my car - not his (paid for by me, not him)
2. I don't live at the same address any more

They still do it (I've not lived at home for 11 years and not had that car for about 8!) so I just refuse to use them.

Male employee who thinks that I should be doing his tasks for him.
Customers ask me at least once a week for the ‘manager’ when I don’t do what they want. I am the manager, I dress, look and act like one. It is also on my name badge. None of
my male employee’s are asked if they can speak to the manager.

When I used to work on client sites I would, without fail, be ignored or questioned or spoken over whilst my male juniors were deferred to and obeyed. Many times the staff on site would check my instructions/decisions with my juniors. I used to not push back at it. I bloody would now.

Men will open doors for me, dh doesn't get that.

@MrsMoastyToasty

It was before a general election. I answered the door to a canvasser for the Conservative party. He asked to speak to my husband, who could be seen further down the hall. I reminded him that women have had the vote for a hundred years and that I was on the voters roll. FWIW he was canvassing on behalf of Jacob Rees Mogg.

This works both ways, although less so nowadays I would hope. When I used to canvass (not for JRM or his party I hasten to add), I would ask the woman who'd answered the door "can we count on your vote?" to which the reply would sometimes be "I don't know, I'll have to ask my husband".

Clothes shops!

1. My local m&s has mens socks and womens socks. The mens are thick good quality cotton in a range of nice colours. The womens are thinner and tend to have uncomfy sparkly thread running through. The mens socks are cheaper. Obviously I’d like to just buy the mens but my feet are too small! So I bought a bunch and am trying to shrink them down in the tumble dryer.

1. Buying clothes for a boy who likes bright colours is a nightmare. Vast majority of the tshirts pants etc in our local store have sharks on. (Wtf is up with the sharks it isn’t even a local animal 🤣 ) Anyway at kid level

the girls clothes are softer and nicer colours and more varied designs. The boys clothes are made of rougher more itchy fabric, boring grey-blue colours, often only a 1/4 of the stock compared the girls dept.

@jessieminto

I kept getting calls on my mobile from our bank but asking to speak to my husband. They refused to tell me why so I said I would not pass the message on. Every 2 weeks for about 10 weeks it went on.

It was always the same guy calling and then he said to me, is this even your husbands phone number? I told him no. My husband has so little interest in the family banking that he asked for my mobile and email address to be his contact details. If you want to discuss anything, it has to be with me. He then proceeded to tell me our joint mortgage was coming to the end of its fixed term and would I like to discuss a renewal.

I made a formal complaint. I opened the account. I applied for the mortgage. I sent off all the paperwork and I made all the decisions, carefully explained them to my husband and showed him where to sign. I'm the higher earner and decision maker. Yet bullshit convention means his name goes first on the application and he is the only one contacted to make decisions hence forth.

Why did his name go first? Can’t blame the bank for that. Some of these stories are sexist. Many are just people looking to be offended.

Some of these stories are sexist. Many are just people looking to be offended.

I was thinking the same thing.

[quote RainbowBriteUk]@Campervangirl Was that a Premier Inn? They've done that when I've stayed with them before. They're great and very safety conscious.[/quote]
Yeah I was going to say, I used to work there and those were the rules, single females got their key face down and you didn't say the room number out load. Lots of people didn't get it though and thought I was just being awkward. So they would just turn the key over and say "so room 18 then??"

NC for this as it is a bit unusual.

My parents both died in the first lockdown. We weren't able to inter their ashes until over a year later. I liaised with the crematorium about the purchase of the plot, the wording and choice of memorial stones, choice of little tree etc - I checked with my brother of course and he came with me to the crematorium to choose a place for the plot, but all the communications and payments were through me.

I arranged for a date for the ashes to be interred and was waiting for the person to bring them out while my brother was chatting to some relatives. The employee said she needed my brother's signature before she could proceed. I assumed she needed both our signatures, but no, it had to be my brother's - mine wasn't required at all. It actually felt a bit demeaning, that I was OK to do all the work, but my signature wasn't good enough.

I was so mad that the next week I emailed and asked her why. She rang back immediately with some story about it being my brother who had first contacted them via the undertaker - but he hadn't, the undertaker had liaised with them directly. She did apologise and said she was going to take it up with her line manager because although it was their procedure, she felt it wasn't right either.

Thing is - how often do we do these things to find out? I am never going to bury my parents again am I?

A (male) friend went into teaching at 45. Without fail parents assume he is the senior person compared to the 30 something female head of department with 15 years plus experience.

They always hand the pint over to my husband…

@OnceuponaRainbow18

They always hand the pint over to my husband…

Yes - often I'm on the pints and DH is on the J2Os because he's the only one of us who can drive - J2O comes my way every time.

So many occasions. I am the Director of department in my team. Last week a young man I did not recognise came into my business area and asked me where such and such a male person was. I said I am sorry I do not know. Ah okay could you check his diary for me- I said no I do not have time. He then went on to say I would normally expect an admin person to do this. He was only in his 20s, but to be so rude and assume I was an administrator was very irritating- that is the worst case I have had but there have been plenty of others. Turning up to a business meeting with more junior male staff and being told to get the coffee in has also happened a couple of times.

Too many clichés here to take it seriosuly.

Going off at a tangent:

I've a friend on FB who wrote what an amazing husband she has as she'd come home from work and he'd cleaned the house from top to bottom and put some washing on.

There were so many responses about what a lucky lady she is etc.

It REALLY annoyed me!

"It was before a general election. I answered the door to a canvasser for the Conservative party. He asked to speak to my husband, who could be seen further down the hall. I reminded him that women have had the vote for a hundred years and that I was on the voters roll.
FWIW he was canvassing on behalf of Jacob Rees Mogg.

Wow that’s utterly shocking!!"

OK, but try being a canvasser being told not exactly 'my husband tells me to vote x' but things like 'I always vote how my late husband voted' or 'I don't know what we're doing this year'. Someone told me a young man told me he didn't know how he voted because his father filled in the postal votes for the whole family (presumably just getting them to sign).

@iwantmyownicecreamvan that's ridiculous! What would they have done if your parents only had female children?!

@RainbowBriteUk
Yes, Premier Inn, glad it was just not me and that they take all women's safety seriously ❤️

I (female) took a friend out to dinner in a Michelin-starred restaurant and they gave her a menu with no prices on. I didn't realise. She was so terrified of bankrupting me, she didn't know what to order!