To ask when you're treated differently

[buddylicious]

Another post has made me think about this ...

Do you still encounter situations when men and women are treated differently? A couple of examples are:

1. I went to buy a new car and my husband came with me. I told the salesman it was for me yet he literally just spoke to my husband about the car. (This was a few years ago. I should have said something. I would now).

1. The man is automatically given the restaurant bill. (My brother has told me that years ago, when eating in good restaurants, they would give the men and women two different menus, ie the man's had prices on and the women's didn't)!!!

Unfortunately they do. I find it pretty normal in the UK for men to only shake hands with men.

It's a hangover from when it was considered rude to shake hands with women unless a woman offered their hand to shaken.

@Gwenhwyfar

"I didn't think anyone was shaking hands nowadays?"

Unfortunately they do. I find it pretty normal in the UK for men to only shake hands with men. Women tend not to shake hands in social contexts and only do it at work. I realise the builder example was a work one and he should have shaken the woman's hands.
What do you do if confronted by a muslim who won't shake a woman's hand because they don't believe in touching anyone of the opposite sex? It would happen from a woman to a man too so not strictly speaking sexist?

I meant because of Covid, not because of sexism.

@Gwenhwyfar

"I didn't think anyone was shaking hands nowadays?"

Unfortunately they do. I find it pretty normal in the UK for men to only shake hands with men. Women tend not to shake hands in social contexts and only do it at work. I realise the builder example was a work one and he should have shaken the woman's hands.
What do you do if confronted by a muslim who won't shake a woman's hand because they don't believe in touching anyone of the opposite sex? It would happen from a woman to a man too so not strictly speaking sexist?

He offered his hand to my husband but not me. I am conscious that there are occasions where for cultural reasons a person will not want to touch a person of the opposite sex - when I meet my team we all hug and kiss on the cheek but myself and my male Muslim colleague nod and put our hand on our heart This was not due to anything cultural, just casual sexism.

To be fair, they were right (if you were Miss Smith and married Mr Jones, it would make no sense for your name to then be changed to Mrs Smith)

Am I the only person wondering what would happen if you were a Miss Smith and married someone who also was called Smith so becoming Mrs Smith? No change of surname but change of marital status!

I honestly don't find this very much these days - when I was younger it happened for sure.

Recently I've bought two brand new cars from a showroom and have had all sorts of trades in the house...I've been almost waiting for them to try and talk to DH before me and it didn't happen.

Perhaps I have a steely glint in my eye that suggests they think twice?

I used to experience this a lot when I lived in the north (both sides of the Pennines) and went on holiday in more remote parts of Scotland.

I still remember the conversation with an objectionable twat at the car hire place on Lewis about the fact they'd hired us, two women, a car with a knackered back windscreen wiper and his snarky comments about, well, we'd only be needing it for shopping anyway [on LEWIS, I mean, it's not exactly the Metrocentre up there, shopping wise...]. I had to go full on stroppy short Geordie lass complete with my original accent to get him to stop being a twat, and he then went and got his wife, who DID actually run the place, to sort it out...

I encounter it less frequently in the West Country where I've lived for a while, with one exception - building tradesmen.

I HATE dealing with building tradesmen - the huffing, the puffing, the reluctance to quote for jobs, the crap "jokes" when they do deign to take the work, the looking at me as if I'm an eejit, when I'm almost always the one actually paying. It's times like that I really miss having my strapping Geordie male relatives on hand to intercede, preferably in full Newcastle kit...

"Am I the only person wondering what would happen if you were a Miss Smith and married someone who also was called Smith so becoming Mrs Smith? No change of surname but change of marital status!'

A Ha... my mum & dad had the same surname before marrying..!
My Mum constantly had to explain, that Yes, she had understood the form, her maiden name was indeed the same identical name as the man she married, over & over, & usually adding , & no we are not consanguines.

Love this clip where the male presenter patronisingly asks if she can actually do calculus in real life and gets this response…

www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=ttZmGU3_n2I

MIL wanted a new laptop. She had a good idea of the kind of thing she needed so DP and I took her into PC World or somewhere similar to have a look at the options. The sales assistant spoke to my DP the whole time and ignored me and MIL, despite DP saying several times “It’s my mum who’s actually buying this for herself” and “My girlfriend’s the one who knows about this stuff, not me”.

My husband is priority contact for our child who is in primary school. Without fail the school call me, not him, despite me saying everytime I cannot answer the phone

OMG this. Every single bloody time.

Received a quote from an estate agent from Mr and Mrs [DH name], I liked them and had used them before so when they came back I mentioned it might be time to update their templates!

My husband and I use the same garage to get our cars MOT'd and repaired etc.

When I take MY car in, they ring my husband to tell them it's done and put the bill in his name, despite the fact that I pay it and collect my car.

I've had a word with them about it recently and fortunately it's stopped!

A weird one, but security guards in shops always acknowledge/nod hello to DP but completely ignore me whether I'm with him or go in alone.

Being married, using Miss, my birth surname and not wearing a wedding ring tends to bamboozle people. Actually I have very good reason not to be Mrs T Kid. Mainly because MIL and I share the same first name. Combined with the surname would mean we are called the same. Ain't happening. MIL is a fucking bag of the highest order and I don't want the same name as her.

The best one was with my mother carpet shopping. My mother's partner had died 5 years prior to this (this bit is relevant). When choosing said carpet the salesman told her to come back tomorrow when she had had chance to speak to her husband because it was a 'large quote'
Well you'll need a ouija board then because he's been dead for 5 years was my mum's answer.
The local carpet shop got the order instead and matched the quote.

@Runnerduck34 no, surprisingly it was Lloyds!! And hubby has no idea about our finances, I di all the budgeting and bill paying!

[quote RoseGoldEagle]Love this clip where the male presenter patronisingly asks if she can actually do calculus in real life and gets this response…

www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=ttZmGU3_n2I[/quote]
FGS, why was it “sexist” not to automatically know that an actress would have a science PhD? When he asked her about her background and she told him, he was extremely nice about it.

"FGS, why was it “sexist” not to automatically know that an actress would have a science PhD? When he asked her about her background and she told him, he was extremely nice about it."

Yes, that's not sexism. He thought she was an actress by training (which she is as well of course having been famous since her teens). Could have happened the same with a male actor.

@Zazdar

Unfortunately they do. I find it pretty normal in the UK for men to only shake hands with men.

It's a hangover from when it was considered rude to shake hands with women unless a woman offered their hand to shaken.

I didn't know that and I'm pretty sure many men don't know it either so if it's a hangover, it would be something they're not aware of. In my opinion it's because British women don't usually shake hands in social contexts. Where I live now, both men and women shake hands to say hello between friends so it looks really bad if a British man shakes hands with the men, but nothing to the women. You don't generally see a group of women in Britain arrive at the pub and start shaking hands with each other.

""Am I the only person wondering what would happen if you were a Miss Smith and married someone who also was called Smith so becoming Mrs Smith? No change of surname but change of marital status!'"

Lol. You wouldn't need to wonder about that if you were Welsh.

@buddylicious

Or when you have a meeting at work and they still expect the woman to make the drinks!

Really?! I've never had that happen anywhere I've worked.

"I meant because of Covid, not because of sexism."

Yes, I know you meant because of Covid. Lots of people don't give a * and insist on touching people now that we're all vaccinated :(

We have had both male and female dental nurses at work and it was always the males who got asked if they were here ‘temporarily before going to college to learn to be a dentist’ never the females oddly quite a few of our female nurses became dentists too

Mind you a few years back we had a patient refuse to see a lady dentist because ‘she can’t be a dentist!- she’s a woman. She must be the hygienist!’ Nope said dentist is a very competent lady dentist but patient wouldn’t have it
Sexism is alive and kicking

Very posh restaurant in Devon, treating mum and dad to lunch. I knew they would baulk at the prices so phoned ahead to ask them to give menus without prices to mum and dad. When we arrived the waiter duly handed the menu without prices to me and mum.

I work in an industry wear the uniform includes hats. Male and female hats are different but the company have updated the policy so one can choose which hat to wear.
So I ordered a male hat. Order form to the Contractor said male hat. They sent a female hat because I have a female name notwithstanding that wasn't what I ordered!

I spent many years working in very male dominated environments. I was always treated with respect and as an equal.

Except for one memorable occasion when I was invited to a meeting at a senior politician's office.

Again, I was the only woman in the room, but it was assumed by the politician that I was there as the assistant of one of the men in the room - I was shown where to hang the jackets of the men attending and it was assumed I would be taking notes. I did neither.

That politician was the mayor of London. Now our Prime Minister...