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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Works Xmas party Aibu to leave early

24 replies

Missmummy88 · 08/12/2021 05:03

I have my works Xmas party tonight / meal followed by drinks. I’ve been up since 3am with the baby and I’m so tired. I’ve a full day of work and really cba. I can’t tell anyone my hidden life of exhausted mum / as I can’t bare the discrimination so I turn up polished and enthusiastic every day. I want to leave after dinner but how do I do this without looking like a snub and not explaining my exhaustion?

OP posts:

littleblackno · 08/12/2021 05:05

You say you have to get back because of childcare or because you need to go to bed because you have work tomorrow. Or you just leave because you want to.
I Don't think you owe anyone an explanation when you are out on your own time.

atleastitswarm · 08/12/2021 05:06

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I was a colleague, I’d just assume you had to get back for the baby.Hope you enjoy the dinner part OP

AtlasPine · 08/12/2021 05:06

You just say you have a baby who will need a feed. You’re more than entitled to put your baby before your colleagues. Surely some of them are parents too?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 08/12/2021 05:08

Leave early but don't tell anyone your intention until you're ready to leave. This means if you're enjoying yourself and get a second wind you can stay longer and also stops people pestering you all day to stay.

littleblackno · 08/12/2021 05:09

Wait do your colleges even know you have a baby? Why would you not tell them that?

Original poster

Missmummy88 · 08/12/2021 05:11

Yeah they know I have a baby, but I’ve worked so hard to prove myself after I was basically written off on maternity leave that I basically do that work like you don’t have kids thing

OP posts:

Willthewashingeverend · 08/12/2021 05:13

Could you say that you have another Christmas event to go to of you don't want to say you are going home?

greatape · 08/12/2021 05:28

Go when you want/need to - don't need to explain. I get the need to 'show face' but you are doing that and it is a party not an actual part of your work.

You have a baby, you need to get back. People shouldn't judge that. If they do, dare I suggest new year look for new job? Only cocks would think less of someone with a young child not staying out!

LawnFever · 08/12/2021 05:31

Is it a big team do? Just go when you’re ready, no big deal you can leave whenever you like, don’t make a big deal of it just head off after dinner and say you’ve got to get going.

A580Hojas · 08/12/2021 05:40

I can't believe you made a thread about this. Just say to the people sitting near you "Right, I must get home. Enjoy the rest of your evening!".

Newestname002 · 08/12/2021 05:45

I'd do a "slow fade" OP. Gradually get quieter towards the end of dinner, though still smiling, then go to the loo, then get your coat and go. No announcement as, hopefully, everyone's having a good time with each other and won't notice. If someone does, do as a PP suggests and say you have to go because you need to do childcare relief but you've had a good time.

These people don't sound very nice if they tried to shaft you during your maternity leave... 🌹

SinoohXaenaHide · 08/12/2021 07:19

I get where you are coming from and I have been there.

You don't owe your colleagues your time out of working hours so you don't have to make any excuses when you want to leave, just leave.

However if you are genuinely doing the "work like you don't have kids" thing then another option would be to drink espresso martinis until you find your party mojo. (This is assuming you have a DP or other arrangements for childcare?)

liveforsummer · 08/12/2021 07:21

If you don't want to tell the truth just say you feel a bit unwell and excuse yourself

megletthesecond · 08/12/2021 07:22

I wouldn't go at all tbh.
It's winter and you're shattered with a baby, go home when you finish work and rest.

rrhuth · 08/12/2021 07:22

Wow, what are you putting on an act for? You need a new job where your real self is welcome!

NoSquirrels · 08/12/2021 07:27

You don't owe your colleagues your time out of working hours so you don't have to make any excuses when you want to leave, just leave.

This is it. Don’t confuse work with leisure, even if it’s a ‘work’ social occasion, it’s not ‘working’.

When the crowd moves on from dinner venue to drinks venue, or goes into the bar, just say it’s been great but you’re heading home now - see you all tomorrow! and confidently bugger off.

Monty27 · 08/12/2021 07:28

Don't say anything until it's time you need to go.
I'd hope they'd understand.
Think of your baby and your commitments. Do enjoy yourself though. Stop worrying about it 😉

gettingolderandgrumpy · 08/12/2021 07:30

Tbh a night out after a full day in work is a no no from me and I’ve not small children. Go to the meal then leave when you’ve had enough who cares what anyone thinks.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 08/12/2021 07:40

You are over thinking this massively. Our Christmas do was last week, and people began trickling off as soon as the food was eaten. Nobody batted an eyelid. I assume the hardcore stayed until later.

Nobody cares.

reluctantbrit · 08/12/2021 07:51

Don't worry. I am one of the people organising the parties in my company and we always have people leaving straight after dinner. Some need to relieve a babysitter or have bad transport links where they don't want to be commuting for 2 hours home. There is a hard core group who is kicked out when the event is finished but the majority is leaving at a decent time.

I left several times early because I had a cold (December seems to be the month DD presents me with germs on a regular basis) and nobody bat an eyelid.

Enjoy the food and have a nice time and go home.

Nothinbut · 08/12/2021 07:53

Any work thing I've been to people have left at different times, no one will be bothered. Also I don't think it's a secret that having a young child is tiring, I doubt you're the first one in your team to have one.

Firesidefox · 08/12/2021 07:54

If you have a baby everyone will get it.

RampantIvy · 08/12/2021 08:07

I don't understand why you need to make a big deal of it. Just say you have to get home, and don't give any reasons or excuses.

CloudyStorms · 08/12/2021 09:09

Just don't drink (will make you more tired) and then leave after the meal, say you've got to scoot off to someone (so they don't spent the whole night wondering where you are) and then leave

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