To think parents are expected to be much involved in our kids education than our parents

[Notagoodtime]

Right from the get go when my kids started school, we have been heavily encouraged to take a big part in helping our kids read, times tables etc. I’m happy to do this but appreciate that not all parents have the time. When I first started school 40 years ago, I never brought a reading book home but I could always read well.

Now my kids are at secondary school, I feel that the demands are even more. We are required to log onto our child’s homework daily and I get regular updates if my child even forgets a bloody rubber! I’ve just got an email this Morning to say that my daughter has 3 days to finish her maths homework and try and encourage her to finish the 50% she had started. I feel all the responsibility is on us and I feel that kids are slowly loosing the ability to be responsible for their own work. My parents never knew what homework I had but we all survived!

I think some parents have always done a lot at home, and the current thinking is that it's better if you encourage all parents.

I don't know how much I like it TBH. It's tricky when there's a parent who doesn't have the skills or time to support their child and the child suffers through no fault of their own. Plus you can't force a parent to care so there will always be parents who don't think any of it matters and don't do it.

Our secondary school isn't like that, or if it is, I haven't engaged with it! I don't pay much attention to what homework they have been set. I ask them after dinner if they have any or if they've mentioned having some due, I may check in later if I feel they have forgotten or are busy, but I leave it to them. Usually it gets done, if it doesn't they get call backs (detention) so that's motivation enough.

DS1 (15) sometimes shows me his if he's done something difficult that he's proud of, DS2 (14) tends to do his at school so he can play video games at home. DD (11) is at a different school and gets a lot more homework, but is quite secretive about it! She tends to do it with her friends over Skype, so they are like a little homework club (doing different stuff, but together) which is actually quite sweet. I've never seen any of her work, but I get positive emails from teachers so it must be happening!

IMO, if you are providing space for them to work, appropriate equipment and protected/designated time where possible, then you're doing your job as a parent where homework is concerned.

Your school sounds a bit over the top, OP. I agree they need to learn responsibility and having parents manage it for them doesn't do that. Learning difficulties/challenges aside, obviously

Yes! Was thinking this the other day. My parents never knew what homework I had and when it needed to be in etc. I was just left to it. Whereas I know all the homework my secondary child has, when it needs to be in and am expected to help and encourage this to be done. I’m sure that by secondary age my parents literally fed me, bought me clothes and housed me where I feel like so much more is expected of me with my secondary child.

Schools do this because kids no longer take personal responsibility for their own success or failure and teachers are blamed for the latter.
Parents complain if they weren't told that Josephine hadn't done her assignment and so is failing her course and what have we, the teachers, done to ensure that this doesn't happen.
The world is a different place. Kids used to fail and get a job anyway. Now there aren't jobs to fall into at 16 so there is more pressure on schools to ensure that kids pass exams. All the evidence tells us that actually it's is families who have greatest impact on the academic success of a child. So we ask you to be involved.

Mine's only nine, so I know nothing about secondary, but yes, I think it's true, though I have nothing to compare it with -- my parents weren't literate when I was in primary school myself, so I never had any homework help, and always wished I had. It can be a real drag on school nights when we're all tired, but actually I do also like to keep an eye on what's being taught and what he's making of it.

YABU and extrapolating your own experiences.

I am 59 - my parents taught me to read when I was about 5 because I wasn't "getting" it at school. I can remember resenting them for it as I found it hard going and I wondered why they were torturing me.

DD didn't need the same level of help, but I have helped her.

I’ve had this discussion with DH. At 13 my parents had no idea what subjects I was doing, who my teachers were or what homework I was doing. DS is 13 and I know all of the above - as the school expects that I do. There is a huge amount of pressure on parents to be engaging with their child’s education way after it ever was for us.

I'm 52 and my parents only interacted with secondary school (80s) with parents evenings when they heard how well/badly I was doing and with choosing options. My mum was a SAHM and taught me and my younger siblings to read basic words before we started school (aged 5) and write our names - we were in a very small village school and this was the norm but I do realise it would be considered very privileged compared to others even in those days.

@Athrawes

Schools do this because kids no longer take personal responsibility for their own success or failure and teachers are blamed for the latter. Parents complain if they weren't told that Josephine hadn't done her assignment and so is failing her course and what have we, the teachers, done to ensure that this doesn't happen. The world is a different place. Kids used to fail and get a job anyway. Now there aren't jobs to fall into at 16 so there is more pressure on schools to ensure that kids pass exams. All the evidence tells us that actually it's is families who have greatest impact on the academic success of a child. So we ask you to be involved.

Absolutely spot on!! ⬆️

Schools can't do right for doing wrong these days. I'm sick to the back teeth of being blamed for this, that & the other by parents; especially considering the huge amounts of risk I've exposed myself & my family to, over the past 2yrs.

It amazes me how much we're expected to cram into a mere 6hr school day; with a max. of 4.5hrs of that being actual teaching time.

Increasingly, over recent years, we're having 4yr olds begin school who are not even properly toilet trained, can't use cutlery, never open a book at home, can't count in the slightest, can't hold a pencil, etc. & we're being faced with a parental attitude of, "But that's your job." Seriously??

This also then goes on to be their attitude towards EVERYTHING: homework, reading & their children's understanding of even the very basics about the world around them.

They're also the same parents who are SO quick to confront, blame & demand about every little thing (often loudly & inappropriately, in front of their children & others); always defending their children without being in possession of the ACTUAL facts; it's ALWAYS OUR fault.

We are seeing an increasing proportion of children who are disengaged from their learning, want everything to be spoon fed, are completely disorganised, don't take responsibility for anything & blatantly have the attitude that if we 'tell them off' they don't care because their parents will come in & deny that they could possibly be anything other than a little angel & will yell back at us!

The amount of times we hear, "My mum/dad said I don't need to be able to 'do maths' or spell because I can just use my phone to look stuff up!"

It's no wonder that teachers are leaving the profession in droves.

Goodness, I'd hate that.
Our secondary isn't like that at all.
I have no idea what homework dd has or does (apart from her annual report) and I much prefer it that way.
From year 7, I think it's as important that they actually learn to self discipline/be independent, as the quality of the homework itself.

Schools do this because kids no longer take personal responsibility for their own success or failure and teachers are blamed for the latter.

I am sorry but this is hilarious.

You could also say schools now are being required to care for/raise children to a much greater extent than previous generations

It does grind my gears to see both the sheer volume of "this should be on the curriculum" posts but also the "parents should be be engaged with x school stuff" posts.

Especially as you can bet your bottom dollar that the mental load falls on women.

The answer isn't straightforward as some kids really do need the pastoral support, but then I'd always see my job as to provide experiences/resources that complement and support education, not to get involved with the actual education.

I think parenting in general is much more intensive that it has been in the past.

Than*

It's a different world.
When I sat my GCSEs it was expected that we attended school, worked in lessons, did our homework, revised and sat our exams. Those who didn't were given sanctions and those who wanted extra help got extra help.

Now it's not uncommon for parents to get annoyed at teachers because their child hasn't done well in their mock exams, demanding teachers get their child a particular grade even if their child isn't working hard, outright lie to teachers in front of their children, defend their child and say 'my child wouldn't lie' even when there's a class of witnesses for a situation, complain to the Head of Department because their child 'didn't know' they had homework, and if all else fails blame the teacher for assorted issues.

By making parents aware, or at the very least making information available to parents should they want to look, it closes down a lot of the issues.

My parents never knew what homework we had. Just expected us to get on with it. I always did well at school and was a self-starter academically. So that was great for me and my parents.

DSis however as an adult says that she always had difficulties and could have done with some help.

I help one of the DC a lot and leave the other to it. The important thing is that if the child can’t do it on their own and the teacher has 30 children to look after, that someone is checking in with them. Too many parents expect this checking in to be done by “someone else” (not them).

I'm early 50s and my parents didn't get involved. I was very self motivated and the first in my family to go to university. The present crop of parents are part of a generation when 40% of people went to university. They are probably more able to help. My parents left school at 15. My Dad became a carpenter, my Mum was what would now probably be classed as a care assistant in a hospital. Unless you got into a grammar school, that is what working class people did.

I did three languages at O Level (last year before it changed to GCSE). No way in a million years my parents got a sniff at a language, so no help there. They weren't going to help me understand Romeo and Juliet. Today's pupils are not being brought up by people who left school at 15 and were largely encouraged to do practical subjects.

My parents were intelligent, loved documentaries and history, by the way.

Also, people weren't so angsty about education because it didn't matter so much. CSE typing and reasonable English, you could get a job as a junior secretary at 16, end up being promoted, end up as PA to the MD of a multinational company after a few job changes and promotions. No qualifications? Plenty of manual jobs where you could work your way to foreman or higher.

Also, if your parents left school at that age, you were responsible for yourself at the same age., so studying hard to get out of a rural backwater with few exciting career options, or not, was my decision. My parents didn't guide me in the same way as now.

I have mixed feelings about it

Personally I like being able to see what DS is up to because he still struggles with instructions/organisation, I am helping him improve with this but it will take a while longer.

But I get the sense some of his teachers are assuming all students have lots of parental help, some of the homework would be extremely difficult to do without it. That's not really fair, because not all students have that.

Try being the parent of a child with SEND. Many of our children only get an education because of what we do / have done to get it.

I agree OP.

My parents only interacted at school for parents' evening.

Both were focused on work. My mother worked days and evening shifts and I was left to get on with my work.

League tables! Parents are their own worst enemy sometimes.

I was thinking about this recently because I don’t think my parents were ever even aware what homework I had, when it was for etc.
Granted mine is only in primary (and Y1 at that) but it’s a lot - reading book every day, spelling test, weekly homework. I don’t mind doing it but I don’t recall my parents doing all that with me every day.

It must all start earlier than it did. I can’t imagine I would have done my homework of my own accord and practised independently for my spelling test at age 4 or 5..

My child’s school has purposely taken the approach that they take their own responsibility so it’s old fashioned homework diaries and no parent log in as a school policy. I’m very happy with this way and my child has done well so far….