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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Second hand goods

20 replies

SaturdaySummer · 04/11/2021 17:33

Please help..

My MIL has bought only one toy for my son (5 months) which is second hand. I have a nephew who is 12 who has his own room at my mil and is constantly (weekly) being bought things or given money to go out with friends etc. I appreciate my child isn't old enough to have many toys/ need pocket money etc but AIBU to find it annoying that my sons toy is second hand when my nephews stuff is all brand new?

OP posts:
Pumpkinsonparade · 04/11/2021 17:38

When I was pregnant mil bought me a second hand moses basket for ds. I was really grateful..
It did sting when a year later sil got a £500 pram though..
Yanbu to be miffed off ime..

DeepaBeesKit · 04/11/2021 17:39

What did your mil buy the 12 year old when they were a baby?

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 04/11/2021 17:53

@Pumpkinsonparade

When I was pregnant mil bought me a second hand moses basket for ds. I was really grateful.. It did sting when a year later sil got a £500 pram though.. Yanbu to be miffed off ime..
My god. I would be livid. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I'm happy to bring toys with me when we visit if she doesn't want to spend money on buying my son something new
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Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 04/11/2021 17:54

@DeepaBeesKit

What did your mil buy the 12 year old when they were a baby?
She bought him everything as his mum doesn't work. She bought all the nursery furniture, pram etc.
OP posts:
DeepaBeesKit · 04/11/2021 20:44

Saturday summer

New though or second hand?

I know what you mean though, its irritating to treat two grandchildren inconsistently.

Popopopo · 04/11/2021 20:48

Maybe she thinks you dont need the help as much as sil and can afford to buy things that she couldn't? It does seem a bit extreme though...

Pumpkinsonparade · 04/11/2021 20:50

Sil had another dc the next year and got the double version and all the extras...
When I had another he got nowt..

AwesomeMixTapeVol1 · 04/11/2021 20:55

People (MIL's) seem to do this - look after their Daughter's children better than their Son's children. Maybe they think the might be stepping on the maternal Grandmother's toes? Hmm Can't think of a better explanation tbh, my MIL was the same.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 05/11/2021 09:36

@DeepaBeesKit

Saturday summer

New though or second hand?

I know what you mean though, its irritating to treat two grandchildren inconsistently.

It was all brand new out of shops for the first grand child. I understand it's different as myself and my partner work full time but still think the children should have been treated the same
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Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 05/11/2021 09:37

@Pumpkinsonparade

Sil had another dc the next year and got the double version and all the extras... When I had another he got nowt..
This would drive me nuts. If someone is going to be like that, I'd rather they didn't bother. I personally wouldn't use second hand things, but that's my own choice. I would rather she bought nothing than that
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 05/11/2021 09:38

@AwesomeMixTapeVol1

People (MIL's) seem to do this - look after their Daughter's children better than their Son's children. Maybe they think the might be stepping on the maternal Grandmother's toes? Hmm Can't think of a better explanation tbh, my MIL was the same.
I think you've hit the nail on the head there
OP posts:
Avarua · 05/11/2021 09:43

Try not to compare. Different kids, different stages, different needs. It's just stuff.

CatsArePeople · 05/11/2021 09:51

Is SIL her own daughter?

PlanDeRaccordement · 05/11/2021 09:54

Maybe MIL has had a change in values compared to 12yrs ago and cares about the planet so is buying second hand instead of all new. It doesn’t have to be taken personally.

CatsArePeople · 05/11/2021 09:55

Is MIL maybe reading MN boards and got very passionate about environment?

Verfremdungseffekt · 05/11/2021 09:56

@Avarua

Try not to compare. Different kids, different stages, different needs. It's just stuff.
This. Five month olds don’t need toys, they’re still getting used to their own fingers and toes!
Tigger85 · 05/11/2021 10:04

It's not just mils who do it, my parents buy my nepthew everything new and have done since he was a baby, my D's gets nepthew's hand me downs and second hand toys from the charity shop or my nepthew's old toys which usually have bits broken and haven't even been cleaned before being handed over. The last thing was an old bike with two punctured flat tyres, completely rusted chain, brake pads worn away to nothing and multiple parts completely seized because it had never been maintained with moving parts lubricated, it had been sat in my sister's garden for 7 years basically rotting away. It was supposed to be his birthday present from his grandparents, attempting to fix it would cost more than it was worth so it got scrapped and we bought our own. Some people just make no attempt to hide their favouritism and if there's a golden child then their offspring will likely be the favoured grandchildren.

HappyDays40 · 05/11/2021 10:31

My son is adopted and the first year he was with us one of my relatives literally just bought him a baby rattle for 2.00 and gave the other similarly ages children nice clothes and toys. When I asked why this was the relative said that its because he wasn't of us! Needless to say I am no longer one of "us" if us means that he is always going ro feel on the outside of the family.

Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 05/11/2021 13:02

@CatsArePeople

Is SIL her own daughter?
Yes
OP posts:
Original poster
SaturdaySummer · 05/11/2021 13:04

@HappyDays40

My son is adopted and the first year he was with us one of my relatives literally just bought him a baby rattle for 2.00 and gave the other similarly ages children nice clothes and toys. When I asked why this was the relative said that its because he wasn't of us! Needless to say I am no longer one of "us" if us means that he is always going ro feel on the outside of the family.
Oh my goodness im so sorry this happened to you, it's awful. I think your child is very lucky to have you as a parent, no matter how it came about
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