For feeling sad that an ex has cancer?

[milcal]

I dated a guy for a few months about 5 years ago. We kept in contact since but only through FB messenger and even then it wasn't regular.

Earlier this year he told me that he had cancer. I feel so sad for him and his family as it will likely turn out to be terminal.

Should I offer to visit? Help out? I haven't seen him for 4 years.

I really don't know what to do for the best. I have a partner and so does he but not in this country.

What would you do with any other old but only intermittent friend?

I'd definitely send a sympathetic message, and do the running to stay in touch - so they know they can lean my way if so inclined, but with full realisation that they may not wish to do that.

Do you know enough about his current/recent life to know what he might need help with, and which you are a well placed person to do? If yes, then make that specific offer (But add, because everyone does that if there's anything else, just ask. That's more a statement of goodwill and a wish to ease things for than a practical offer, IYSWIM)

No you are at all unreasonable for feeling sad.

That's normal, surely?

The offering to help however, when you dated for only a few months, seems a little OTT to me.

A lot depends on what's going on in his life now (if he has a partner) and why you broke up.

He may find your approach unhelpful or brings back bad memories.

Offer to help him if he needs anything, but I think you need to know who else is in his life now and how they may feel about an old flame reappearing.

That's really sad. No wonder you feel as you do. But I don't think the dynamic is one where you can offer to visit or help.

It's shit. You can't change that. Just send you genuine sympathy.

How do you know it's likely to turn out to be terminal?

Normal to be sad but I wouldn’t offer to help.