Toddler breastfeeds through the night. Feels like torture sometimes. AIBU to night wean?

[Peridotty]

15 month old likes to breastfeed in the night. She will wake up crying 4 times in the night. It takes me a few seconds to breastfeed her back to sleep so that’s what I have been doing to get some peace. But she sometimes comfort sucks for an hour and it’s just torture because I can’t sleep when she is sucking. When I unlatch her she wakes up and cries. My husband and I are both exhausted!! We haven’t slept more than 3 hours in a stretch since she was born.
AIBU to night wean? Her dad will be in the room with her holding her for comfort if she wakes up if required and I’ll sleep on the sofa. I feel cruel but things are unsustainable right now!!! Any experience of night weaning a toddler?

No advice but yanbu. If its negatively impacting your sleep so much it doesnt sound like it's the right thing for any of you.

Do it!
That sounds like torture and you really shouldn't let her use your nipple as a comforter any more.
Night weaning is not that hard (depending on how stubborn your baby is!)
Is she still sleeping in your room? I night weaned and moved DD into her own room at the same time. I expected resistance but actually she adapted very quickly - 2 nights! Then started sleeping through without complaint.
You do need to remove yourself completely from the picture overnight and do not go to her. If you do she will just get very upset as she can't understand why you aren't feeding her. They really don't need the nourishment at night any more and this is comfort driven, it's time to help her learn to self soothe.

I had weaned completely by 14 months, I couldn't deal with the sleepless nights and then having to deal with older children and work.

I genuinely don't know why you would feel unreasonable or cruel, both you and your husband are allowed to have a life outside of doing anything and everything to make sure your baby is completely happy all the time. You are allowed to put yourself first!

I took a week off work, got baby settled in their own room and stopped breastfeeding. I did rapid return or controlled crying. He's 9 now, I don't think anyone but me has a memory of those days! I am SO glad I did it though.

Good luck!

Of course YANBU!

@Beamur mine managed to get the hang of it in two nights too. Was SO nice to be able to go to bed and know I could sleep!

Absolutely! She was better rested too.
It shouldn't affect you continuing to bf during the day if you want to either.

Cruel? She's 15 months old, you've done a fantastic job, give yourself a break. There are no medals for being miserable

I night weaned at a similar age and it was surprisingly fine.

All I did was replace breastfeeding with cuddles. I'd still bring DS into our bed when he woke up, but I would cover up my breasts with clothing and/or my arm, and tell him No, no milk now but you can have some in the morning. It took him probably five days or a week to stop asking and he never got particularly upset.

I weaned completely a couple of months after that and it was the right time for us. Again, I followed the approach of replacing feeds with either cuddles or distraction, not with other foods.

DS is 21 months now and sleeps through the night. As for me, my periods only came back when I completely stopped BFing and now I'm pregnant with no.2.

I found that on the breastfeeding groups I was on, there seemed to be some kind of expectation that if you BF'd past 12 months you were in it for the very long haul. In "real life" though, most of my mum friends weaned between about 15 and 21 months. Every mum and baby is different but breastfeeding is a relationship and your needs and wants and health are important too.

15 months is old to still be feeding 4 times a night. They don't need milk at night at that age so she's basically using you as a dummy to get back to sleep. Give her water and a cuddle.

YANBU! They don’t need to feed at night anyway after six months! They certainly don’t need it at 15 months when they’re eating solids!

Night wean. Immediately. And move her in to her own room if she’s not in it already. How you’re functioning with four wake up’s a night I have no idea!

Just offer water, she’ll soon figure out it’s not worth waking up for.

I think I'm quite the Earth Mama... I night weaned at 12m. It was just my limit, I needed more sleep!!

How are you managing teeth cleaning? Do not be me! I breast fed to sleep a bit longer than 15 months and my son ended up with cavities in his baby teeth and I feel like it was all my fault. When I weaned I just said he was a big boy now and milk was for babies and after a while of trying (basically I couldn’t sit down anywhere for a week or he’d be over like a shot!) he accepted it.

Thank you for all the replies!!

@89redballoons DD is pretty strong and can push my hands off my boobs if I’m tightly clasping on to them saying no! :-(
@Bobsyer it’s tough isn’t it!! yeah I have been back at work and need to get up at 6.45am three days a week. My husband has been a superstar and will take her if she wakes up at 6am just to give me a small lie in.

@Bambooshoot i brush them before she goes to bed. I thought that breastmilk wasn’t very decay inducing if they aren’t sucking on it all night? Sorry to hear you little one had cavities. Did the dentist say it was due to BFing?

Absolutely do it. I night weaned at 8 and 9 months respectively and carried on feeding in the day till 14 months. I'd have been totally wrecked and frustrated being used for comfort feeding in the night.

OP, I would recommend you join the Facebook group Breastfeeding Older Babies And Beyond, they have some gentle weaning guidelines pinned at the top of the page.

Hark at babies not needing to breastfeed at night past six months Given the small size of their stomachs and the fact that breastnilk provides their fluid as well as calorie intake I'd be amazed if this was true for more than a minority.

There is no evidence that breastfeeding at night causes tooth decay (it wouldn't be very sensible evolutionarily if it did!). It's not the same as bottled milk, which tends to pool in the mouth and can cause decay.

Eldest (18mo) night weaned in own room with dad comforting, slept next to them in bed all night offering cuddles or water. While my heart broke in another room. She cried inconsolably for a week. But was done.
Second (also about 18mo) I did the night weaning. Slept in bed with them in their room. No tears. Offered cuddles. Or water. Also done in a week.
Depends on your child. Try doing it yourself if you're sure you won't "give in" , if that don't work call in some help. Either way hopefully will only take a few days.
Then you get some precious sleep (hopefully!) X

None of my 3 were sleeping through the night consistently by 12 months, although I don’t remember how many times they woke. I returned to work 2 nights a week after a year’s maternity leave with each of them. I’d breastfeed them to sleep before leaving and when I got in from work in the morning. DH would offer a sippy cup of water and a cuddle when they woke, they didn’t bother waking for that after 2 nights and continued to sleep through.

I breastfed morning, nap time and bed time still and gradually stopped the morning feed, then the nap time feed so the last couple of months of breastfeeding was just at bedtime, before stopping altogether between 20-24 months. None of it was particularly planned but it worked well, no upset for them or me and no engorgement issues.

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/tooth-decay/

Link for anyone who'd like to read up on the evidence.

Extended BF multiple times at night caused dental decay for my toddler. I wish I had known about breastfeeding tooth decay, I would have night weaned earlier.

If she comfort sucks, have you tried offering her a dummy?

Of course you aren't BU. She doesn't need to either have breastmilk or comfort suck multiple times a night, she just wants to. Other forms of nourishment and comfort are available. Her preferences don't outweigh yours.

@Outfoxedbyrabbits thanks! Didn’t know this existed. Will check it out. Yes that’s what I thought about the tooth decay. I read an article somewhere that it actually prevents tooth decay.
@8times @sleepylittlebunnies Good to know. that’s probably what I will do. I have already dropped the number of times I breastfeed in the day since going back to work at 13 months. No engorgement issues yet.
@Soubriquet yes she hates dummies since she was born. We tried many types. But at her age I think she shouldn’t have a dummy as it’s bad for her teeth.