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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think one adult should be able to support a family with a full time job?

265 replies

Kendodd · 07/08/2021 22:04

Talking about a normal size family, two/three children. Not talking about riches either, just an ordinary place to live and everyone well fed and clothed, all needs covered without state benefits. Any full time job as well, not just some fancy high paid thing.
I know for lots of people working really hard in full time jobs supporting their family just isn't possible on the money.

YANBU - they should be able to support a family.
YABU - they shouldn't be able to have a home and children on an unskilled job.

OP posts:
icklekid · 07/08/2021 22:06

It’s a lovely ideal but price of housing and rate of pay across the country makes it impossible in many many areas…

54321nought · 07/08/2021 22:06

I'm not sure about one adult supporting a spouse and 3 children.... but one adult should be able to support themselves, and maybe one other at least, and two adults should be able to support themselves and 3 children between them.

Neveranynamesleft · 07/08/2021 22:08

I dont understand your ' they shouldn't be able to have a home and children on an unskilled job ' ??

Why not ???

Howshouldibehave · 07/08/2021 22:08

In the 1970s maybe but not any more!

It’s pointless saying that ‘should’ happen when for the majority it doesn’t and won’t ever.

MotionActivatedDog · 07/08/2021 22:09

I’ve seen this discussed quite a lot over the years and while it’s a lovely idea it’s a pointless question because it’s just not going to be possible anymore. Our culture doesn’t want it, so doesn’t support it.

SapphosRock · 07/08/2021 22:10

YANBU but unfortunately YANB realistic.

If the family lives in the south rent for a 3 bed house will be at least £1,500 per month + bills. Food, clothes etc for a family of four at least another £500. Then there are holidays, school trips, birthday presents, petrol, MOTs, fixing broken washing machines etc etc.

The single adult would have to earn at least £40k for the family to scrape by, more like £60k+ for the family to live comfortably.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 07/08/2021 22:10

DH was a decorator, self-employed, but we couldn't afford the rent. He ended up having to give up his business and is now part-time gardener.

Shelddd · 07/08/2021 22:11

It really depends what you want in society. You won't have gender equality and the ability to sustain a household on a single income. Gender equality comes with 2 income households as the norm. It's just how it is, unfortunately. Waits for 100 angry MNs to tell me we don't have gender equality... (Yes I know but so much better than it was 50+ years ago. )

MauveMagnolia · 07/08/2021 22:11

My house cost £6000 in 1970. It was bought by a male teacher and his housewife, wife. A male teacher earned about £1600 (women earned less)

It was sold in 2006 for £570,000. A teacher earned £29,500

Today it is a million. A teacher earns £35,000

One of the by products of most families having 2 working adults is house price inflation.

Original poster
Kendodd · 07/08/2021 22:11

Actually I think if the political will was there it would be possible again. I think the biggest thing the government could do to reduce poverty in the country is massive social housing investment to reduce people's housing costs.

OP posts:
Muckles · 07/08/2021 22:13

I don't think it's possible anymore.

House and utility prices have inflated enormously but salaries haven't.

Original poster
Kendodd · 07/08/2021 22:18

I don't think it's possible anymore.

I know it's not possible.
The question is whether it should be possible or whether we are ok with it not being possible.

OP posts:
sayanythingelse · 07/08/2021 22:19

It SHOULD be but it isn't.

My mum never worked after having children and we lived comfortably on my dad's salary working in a factory. We had a nice house, holidays abroad and never wanted for anything.

DH works 60 hours a week and I've just cut down to 20 to make childcare easier. We lived in a rented house because even though we have a deposit, we don't earn enough between us to get a big enough mortgage for a 3 bed semi.
We live comfortably but we don't have money for extras now I'm part time. We could never live a life on one salary like my parents did.

Shelddd · 07/08/2021 22:21

@Kendodd

Actually I think if the political will was there it would be possible again. I think the biggest thing the government could do to reduce poverty in the country is massive social housing investment to reduce people's housing costs.
Nah, social housing has done nothing to lower house prices.

You need to increase housing supply through private market, reduce costs to build, make more land available to builders, increase competition among builders, complete overhaul of planning permissions, you need to restrict foreign investment in real estate.

But there is no incentive to do all that because it will drive down value of existing property which is all owned by the same people (and their friends) who would need to make these changes.

Social housing is the wrong answer... it will just create further wealth gaps and keep poor people poor and keep rich landowners rich.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/08/2021 22:24

YANBU It should be.

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/08/2021 22:26

I think it depends on how you define needs too. When we got married (nearly 30 years ago) we were both on average salaries, we bought a one bedroom flat in an ok area, nearly all our furniture was second hand from family and friends, we didn’t run a car, didn’t go abroad on holiday and really cut our cloth to suit our purse. New clothes were bought as birthday and Christmas gifts, I wasn’t getting hair, nails, brows done etc and didn’t have expensive tech etc.

You just need to look at some of the threads here to see what people consider “needs” can stretch to include two cars, expensive tech, subscriptions to streaming services, foreign holidays, meals out, nails done, brows waxed, baby classes of all types, extra curricular stuff for kids etc etc. With the best will in the world one salary would need to be pretty good to cover all of that.

Housing is a huge issue but so is the standard of living people want for their money.

BluebellsGreenbells · 07/08/2021 22:29

I agree I it should be possible.

When I was younger it was possible to buy single on one wage - and live a reasonable social life and pay bills.

At 26 I was paid £12,000 on that I brought a 3 bed terrace house, paid bills, ran a car and had a social life at the weekends.

Most single people couldn’t afford a flat for that now a days and it’s wrong!!

BarbaraofSeville · 07/08/2021 22:29

Nice idea, but as well as house prices making this difficult or impossible, you're comparing with a time where lifestyles were very basic compared with today.

Few children had their own bedroom, most families had no car or possibly one old car, eating out was very rare, far fewer treats and expensive days out like theme parks, no technology, almost no-one went abroad on holiday, far fewer clothes etc etc.

In areas of the country where housing would be covered, of which there are many, a lot of people wouldn't want to stick to the basic 1970s style lifestyle that would allow them to live on one salary anyway.

Macncheeseballs · 07/08/2021 22:30

Yes it's possible

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/08/2021 22:30

Housing is a huge issue but so is the standard of living people want for their money

I agree, what some people class as necessities is astounding at times.

Many also don’t want to work full time yet expect a high standard of living.

A basic wage salary should cover one person to have a roof over their heads, even if that’s in shared accommodation, food, heat, clothes. There’s no way it should cover 4 people. Skilled work would just command a much much higher salary then,

BarbaraofSeville · 07/08/2021 22:30

Cross posted with Jelly

nosyupnorth · 07/08/2021 22:31

No. It doesn't make sense. One person should be able to support themselves well or themselves plus a dependant moderately, but one person supporting a dependant adult partner plus two or three children at what is currently an 'average' lifestyle just isn't feasible considering the amount of work that lifestyle involves.

The only way what you're suggesting could be remotely possible is with a serious drop in standards of living - if all the kids shared a room and the family only had two or three sets of clothes each and ate in season local foods, instead of full wardrobes and imported fruit and veg all year around -- but people could do that now and they don't want to.

NailsNeedDoing · 07/08/2021 22:34

You think ANY full time job should be enough to fully support two adults and up to three children? No, that’s ridiculous.

A full time minimum wage job should be enough to support one adult.

Shelddd · 07/08/2021 22:36

@BarbaraofSeville

Nice idea, but as well as house prices making this difficult or impossible, you're comparing with a time where lifestyles were very basic compared with today.

Few children had their own bedroom, most families had no car or possibly one old car, eating out was very rare, far fewer treats and expensive days out like theme parks, no technology, almost no-one went abroad on holiday, far fewer clothes etc etc.

In areas of the country where housing would be covered, of which there are many, a lot of people wouldn't want to stick to the basic 1970s style lifestyle that would allow them to live on one salary anyway.

I get all that but if you look at house price to income multiple it has clearly increased drastically.. so you can't just say it's all lifestyle.

Right now its around but for most of this century its been closer to 4x.

AIBU to think one adult should be able to support a family with a full time job?
Shelddd · 07/08/2021 22:37

Right now its around 8x **