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Original poster

Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

242 replies

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:16

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit Hmm but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months? Confused

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

OP posts:
ButWhyMama · 03/07/2021 10:59

My cousin is a middle child (3 girls) and seems to have the same desire for limelight as you do. She spent 18 months planning her wedding. The lowest point for the family was my aunts 60th birthday. She had a party, as you do, and we were all there, had a great time. Until cousin left early, in tears. Turns out we were all awful because we were focusing on the birthday and not her final wedding dress fitting which had taken place that morning (who knew?!). Apparently we should have known and asked lots of questions about that and the wedding scheduled for a month later.

The wedding was really quite awkward as a result of her tantrum and isn't voluntarily mentioned by anyone but the bride and groom. At the time she was late 30s.

OP, you sound equally limelight-focused. Please change the date and moderate your behaviour unless you want your wedding to never be mentioned from that day forth.

KarenofSparta · 03/07/2021 11:03

Situations like this make me glad to be an only.

Ohhyeahright · 03/07/2021 11:30

Op you have one life. Stop engaging with the nonsense and focus on what matters.

Gladiolys · 03/07/2021 11:34

I’m dying to know what the ‘one off’ venue is that’s the same budget as a pub but can’t be utilised at any other time and would be outing if revealed.

Circus that’s only in town for one night? Authentic tea clipper about to put to sea? Soon-to-be destroyed bandstand in a local park? Vintage pier that has been sold to an American millionaire for their Florida McMansion?

VodselForDinner · 03/07/2021 11:44

@Gladiolys

I’m dying to know what the ‘one off’ venue is that’s the same budget as a pub but can’t be utilised at any other time and would be outing if revealed.

Circus that’s only in town for one night? Authentic tea clipper about to put to sea? Soon-to-be destroyed bandstand in a local park? Vintage pier that has been sold to an American millionaire for their Florida McMansion?

I had assumed main stage at Glastonbury.
BackforGood · 03/07/2021 12:22

Situations like this make me glad to be an only.

No, this isn't normal adult behaviour. This is specific to the OP.

I have siblings and dh has siblings and we've all managed to live for decade without any of this drama.

Mrstamborineman · 03/07/2021 12:25

I get it. You are upset that your sister has scored points over you. Again.
Unless you have experienced this dynamic it is very difficult to understand the pain. However, it is not your sisters fault that she has never been told that it is rude and unkind to not be considerate for your feelings.
Your parents perhaps should have made by up both feel wonderful about your news.

KarenofSparta · 03/07/2021 12:27

Er...that's why I said situations like this - you know, the OP's one ...

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2021 12:30

I don't get the impression that it's easy being your sister either.

It really wouldn't have occurred to me to be upset over getting engaged on the day of a scan.

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2021 12:33

I mean, you're saying a lot of "oh my wedding will be smaller and I don't even know if I'll have a dress" as if that makes it superior, but you clearly do have a lot of investment in it, way beyond simply marrying the man you love.

Brefugee · 03/07/2021 12:34

you're being a bit mean. She has her wedding after the cousin and you have put yours before hers, so not the same thing at all.

Also getting engaged on the day of your first scan put your nose out of joint? If i were you're sister i'd be going extremely LC

Guavafish · 03/07/2021 12:36

I would move my wedding for my brother if he was that upset! Especially if a small affair at a register office.

That’s because I love my family

SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2021 12:42

You both sound exhausting.

Yes wattsapping her string 5 minutes after you announce to wider family you're pregnant is childish but given they're different things I'm sure people are still excited for your wedding.

my family don’t have to pay out anything if that’s what you mean. they’re paying toward my sisters but i’m not asking for them to pay toward mine. also will be putting on my invites no gifts expected because i don’t want people to feel they have to buy me things.

Don't be ridiculous. Thousands of people probably have the same venue!
no they really don’t it’s a one off thing
So the venue is a place that has vowed to only hold one wedding ever?? Or it was at an event that ran on a specific date?

Tbh the "I'll just invite hardly anybody and have a registry office do and go to the pub afterwards whilst you have my dream wedding in a cool venue with lots of people and a big dress when I won't even be wearing a dress because you stole all my attention forever" is all a bit heavy on the martyrdom

And if you're not having a dress and just popping to the local registry office then a bar with close family, or course you can do that any time you want Inc now or what you're studying.

TheGumption · 03/07/2021 12:45

I hope my daughters don't carry on like this at each other Sad

Fernando072020 · 03/07/2021 12:47

Posts like this make me want to keep my son an only child 🙄

WellLarDeDar · 03/07/2021 13:12

Such a douchebag thing to do to purposely book your wedding in three weeks before your sisters just to get at her. I'd never do that to my sister! You sounds awful!! I'm unclear if your sister is as bad as you or if you're twisting the truth to suit your agenda. Seriously grow up.

Whaleandsnail6 · 03/07/2021 14:49

I really think you're cutting your nose off to spite your face... she "stole" your venue and scan limelight so you're having a wedding that's miles apart from your "dream".

Getting married 3 weeks before a family wedding that's already booked is a pretty rubbish thing to do. Makes it awkward for guests (I couldn't go to 2 weddings within 3 weeks if each other due to work so I'd have to decline the one booked 2nd)

Why does it have to be June? And why can't you get married and study at the same time?

I'd honestly cancel, enjoy my pregnancy and enjoy planning the wedding that I actually want, to be arranged after my sisters wedding.

bumblingbovine49 · 03/07/2021 15:39

My sister and I got married 4 days apart. We had small weddings with only a small number of.pwople attending both. It was fine because we discussed it first and I ( who booked my date first) am not a bridezilla so I was nothing but happy that my sister was marrying for the first time at 50. I didn't give a monkeys and neither did she. It all worked out absolutely fine

DH and I went on a honeymoon a few days later and went to my sister's wedding 4 days after ours. I found it all rather lovely actually

Sssloou · 03/07/2021 15:43

I'd honestly cancel, enjoy my pregnancy and enjoy planning the wedding that I actually want, to be arranged after my sisters wedding.

The baby must be anywhere between 3 and 8 months old by now .... the OP hasn’t been back since her timings where pointed out to be “off” - ie not 24hr breastfeeding and weaned by June 2022 when the child could be 20 months old....

TheGoogleMum · 03/07/2021 16:03

OP you are both being childish. Get married a year later and have the venue you want (will it still be there a year later?), by then it's a good gap for guests and honestly they won't mind the same venue. Baby will be older too so tbatllal be easier. Sister will probably announce something else on the day but if you know to expect it it'll take the edge off!

Yennefer19 · 03/07/2021 16:03

This is probably outing but never mind, DH and I and SIL and BIL got married just over two weeks apart from each other, it wasn’t planned, we got engaged pretty close to each other and individually booked our weddings without talking to each other and then found out they were in the same month. It actually was quite a nice experience though, we exchanged information on different vendors and got to go through the experience together. To be honest there’s not a huge amount of overlapping guests unless you’re both marrying into the same family and have the same friends. It very much depends on your attitude, you can either turn it into a competition which will just make you both miserable or you can embrace it for what it is which is one day to celebrate with friends and family marrying the person you love.

Newmumatlast · 03/07/2021 16:41

@Sssloou

So you had your first scan last summer - baby must have been born somewhere between Nov - Feb and by May/June 22 would then be 18-20 months .... and should then “was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7.”

I would give your health visitor a call if you believe that your baby will only be weaned and not BF 24/7 by next summer.

Doesn’t add up.

This. So many holes in this story that either the whole thread is a troll thread, or you're purposefully making things up to try get people on side, or you're a compulsive liar, or you're both batshit, or a bit of all of that!

I truly think now you're a parent you need to learn to let petty things go, grow up and concentrate on making sure your child doesn't learn to be petty and has a more drama free life. Maybe if you both get on so badly you should go NC and have happy lives without eachother in them

HalzTangz · 03/07/2021 17:22

So you think she said hey my sister's scan is on X date, that's the day you need to propose.

I doubt that happened at all, an I bet anything he didn't know it was your scan day.

ittakes2 · 03/07/2021 17:23

I have three sisters and it would not even cross my mind to be upset if one of them announced an engagement on the day of my baby news. I would think its brilliant we both had good news. I think you are both competitive with each other. I get what you are saying with your dates but the reality is you unfort are going to look like the mean sister as everyone is going to think you set your dates 3 weeks before her to steal her thunder.

HalzTangz · 03/07/2021 17:36

@username2479

no not my dream venue but i can’t have the same venue can i
You actually could have the same venue, you are just cutting your nose off to spite your face. Same as you are with booking your wedding for 3 Weeks earlier.

The bigger person would have waited then had the dream wedding they wanted