Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

[username2479]

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months?

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

If she has a big spring wedding and you have a more intimate late summer/autumn wedding they can both be their own unique days and no guests will be over it, and you won’t have the wedding feud hanging over the rest of your lives. Once you’re past wedding planning in the next few years you’ll be glad you chose the most sensible path and didn’t cause unneeded drama. Take the high road!

She booked her wedding after your cousin originally not before like you have done with her so it’s not the same. I think it’s bad form to book a date before hers and hardly fair on relatives who will have to think about two outfits and gifts in a short space of time.

That being said it does sound like she is jealous of you and trying to steal your thunder. If that is the case I expect she will be announcing she’s pregnant soon.

my parents and sister did. i mean i told everyone else then off she goes waving her engagement right after like she can’t handle 5 minutes of people just being happy for me

Who else apart from that parents and immediate family really gives that much of a shit about a pregnancy announcement OR an engagement. The wedding and the baby are the good bits!

I find it hard to believe you’re old enough to marry tbh. It sounds like you’re both inclined to be competitive to a degree, but your sister certainly sounds like the lesser of two evils…

Even reading this is exhausting. I feel like yelling at the two of you like I do with my children when they start fighting over one breathing the other one’s air or looking out their car window.

Get over it. Move your wedding to September and get on with living your own life.

@Biancadelrioisback

So you wanted a big wedding for 100+ guests but are now settling for a registry office and bar? That's one hell of a compromise....surely there are other venues for August/September?

i can’t really explain the venue without totally outing myself (as if i haven’t already mind) but yes it was one off nice budget venue and bars are now the only other option with my budget

You sound petty and everyone will be thinking it too

You should have really included all the extra details re your sister's actions then I think posters might be a bit more sympathetic.
Yes she sounds like a pain.
Have your wedding when you want.
Though I'd be tempted to pretend & tell her I'm thinking of a December wedding as it will be really magical with all the carols, candles, holly, Ivy & mistletoe & that I'm going to have it in a church with a white faux fur cape.
Bet she changes the date then.

no not my dream venue but i can’t have the same venue can i

Don't be ridiculous. Thousands of people probably have the same venue!

Why don’t you have a double wedding?

@WhoDidAndWhy

Even reading this is exhausting. I feel like yelling at the two of you like I do with my children when they start fighting over one breathing the other one’s air or looking out their car window.

Get over it. Move your wedding to September and get on with living your own life.

i can’t do that as i’m going straight into a different course after uni so it’s either summer 22 or summer 23 unless i want to get married in the middle of studying which is a definite no

Well since it is clear to you that your over riding motivations for your wedding are a billion times more sincere and genuine than hers then I suggest that you pip her at the post, get married one Saturday morning with a couple of witnesses then proudly flaunt your shiny new husband, your shiny new wedding ring, your shiny new baby and your shiny new degree certificate at her.

[If you time it right you could then turn up at her wedding with a second pregnancy , and announce it just before they do the speeches........]

@SecretSpAD

no not my dream venue but i can’t have the same venue can i

Don't be ridiculous. Thousands of people probably have the same venue!

no they really don’t it’s a one off thing

So why not August?.

So they already knew you were pregnant! I know a scan is a big deal to the parents, but it’s not to anyone else.

No matter how hard you try to make her look bad, you are the one consistently looking worse throughout. Your parents must spend their lives rolling their eyes at your antics and wondering where they went wrong.

@nanbread

my parents and sister did. i mean i told everyone else then off she goes waving her engagement right after like she can’t handle 5 minutes of people just being happy for me

Who else apart from that parents and immediate family really gives that much of a shit about a pregnancy announcement OR an engagement. The wedding and the baby are the good bits!

i don’t care if they give a shit or not but i tried for a while for my baby and had a loss a couple of years prior and just wanted to be excited even if people just said congratulations and secretly didn’t give a shit. is it so bad to just want to feel like people are excited for my nice news

@Biancadelrioisback

So why not August?.

no weekends left at my city’s registry office and majority of people we know work weekdays so more likely to have everyone we want there if they don’t have to take time off

But why can’t they be excited for your good news as well as your sister’s good news? Why does it have to be one or the other in your head? People don’t have a set amount of joy in their body to give when told of happy things.

But they're different things! So people can be excited over a pregnancy announcement and a wedding.

is it so bad to just want to feel like people are excited for my nice news

No one was less excited because she then shared that she had gotten engaged ffs. Honestly both a occasions of joy and people are able to be happy about 2 things simultaneously.

@username2479 But it’s not like your sister could control the day when she got engaged unless she demanded a proposal on your scan date?

She probably viewed it as everyone in the family knew already, it wasn’t news to her. Perhaps she didn’t know you were going to announce then pregnancy then? If you don’t like being the centre of attention, why does it bother you she announced it?

I mean I can to a slight degree understand being upset if she purposefully announced her engagement the same day as your pregnancy announcement if it was done out of spite. But booking your wedding three weeks before hers just looks like petty retaliation.

I agree with the people that have said you both sound as bad as each other. If the cousin hadn't cancelled her wedding, when would you have got married?

I love how you’re trying to paint your sister as the weird, competitive one when you are clearly the pain in the arse! I’m sure she pressured her fiancé to propose on the same day as your baby scan 😂. Grow up and get a life Op! You seriously sound pathetic.

@BlueSurfer

But why can’t they be excited for your good news as well as your sister’s good news? Why does it have to be one or the other in your head? People don’t have a set amount of joy in their body to give when told of happy things.

but why is it okay for me to announce a pregnancy i have desperately wanted for years and her to then stick a bit of string on her finger and try to take over it. it hurts to have her always try to one up me

You get a day. Not a week, not a month, not a year. I don't think it's a problem. My brother got married 4 weeks before us.

but why is it okay for me to announce a pregnancy i have desperately wanted for years and her to then stick a bit of string on her finger and try to take over it. it hurts to have her always try to one up me because it’s not an announcement when you’ve already told people!