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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

242 replies

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:16

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit Hmm but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months? Confused

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

OP posts:
Original poster
username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:16

sorry didn’t realise how long this would be

OP posts:
Fullofglee · 02/07/2021 20:20

Looks like you wanted to get in their before her tbh as pay back. Nightmare for your family's filming out for two lots of weddings. Common sense would have been to avoid a wedding close to your sister.

Original poster
username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:21

@Fullofglee

Looks like you wanted to get in their before her tbh as pay back. Nightmare for your family's filming out for two lots of weddings. Common sense would have been to avoid a wedding close to your sister.
my family don’t have to pay out anything if that’s what you mean. they’re paying toward my sisters but i’m not asking for them to pay toward mine. also will be putting on my invites no gifts expected because i don’t want people to feel they have to buy me things.

i know that may be common sense but it feels like i’ve told her my dream wedding and she’s stole it. she also stole the venue i told her i liked originally

OP posts:
BlueSurfer · 02/07/2021 20:23

I don’t see what control your sister had over when she got engaged or what difference the duration of her relationship has. It’s three weeks and your cousin will have had a whole load of different guests (and none of you will have been necessarily expected to attend). I think since you knew the day, to book in three weeks before doesn’t make you look good. If you don’t think it’s a big issue, then have your wedding second and go three weeks after her one.

GreenCrayon · 02/07/2021 20:23

Honestly it sounds like you're trying really hard to paint her as a terrible person and it makes it look like you are doing it to get back at her.

Your family will all have to find the expense that comes from a wedding twice in 4 weeks plus book the days off. It just seems very petty and like you're trying to upstage her to be honest.

CassandraTrotter · 02/07/2021 20:24

This is all very petty.

BlueSurfer · 02/07/2021 20:24

You sound very competitive. I think you’d both be happier in life if you weren’t trying to be one up on each other.

Aprilx · 02/07/2021 20:24

I think it is pretty poor of you to book your wedding three weeks before your sisters.

And it is absolutely bizarre that you have an issue with her announcing her engagement the day of your baby scan, I can’t even work out what you mean.

YABU.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 02/07/2021 20:24

That’s a bit shitty of you
Tbh.

Many guests from your side won’t have leave / money to attend two weddings with the same family guests.

Original poster
username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:25

@BlueSurfer

I don’t see what control your sister had over when she got engaged or what difference the duration of her relationship has. It’s three weeks and your cousin will have had a whole load of different guests (and none of you will have been necessarily expected to attend). I think since you knew the day, to book in three weeks before doesn’t make you look good. If you don’t think it’s a big issue, then have your wedding second and go three weeks after her one.
trust me she had control. i don’t believe for a second she didn’t press at her boyfriend to propose because she’s the competitive type.
OP posts:
Longestfewdaysupcoming · 02/07/2021 20:25

Are you 12?

Original poster
username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:25

@Aprilx

I think it is pretty poor of you to book your wedding three weeks before your sisters.

And it is absolutely bizarre that you have an issue with her announcing her engagement the day of your baby scan, I can’t even work out what you mean.

YABU.

i mean i announce my pregnancy. she suddenly gets engaged. she’s very competitive and acts like the victim over it
OP posts:
Caselgarcia · 02/07/2021 20:26

I think people would think it odd, 2 sisters getting married less than a month apart, especially all your family. I don't particularly enjoy weddings and would be miffed to have to go to the expense of 2 in such a short time frame.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 02/07/2021 20:26

Also. I don’t think I knew when my siblings baby scan day was (whatever that is. You normally have more than one) and it definitely wouldn’t stop me getting engaged.

GreenCrayon · 02/07/2021 20:26

trust me she had control. i don’t believe for a second she didn’t press at her boyfriend to propose because she’s the competitive type.

I really don't think she's the controlling one to be honest. You're sounding more and more competitive and spiteful with each post.

Original poster
username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:26

also when i told her yesterday my plans she literally sent me a bunch of wedding brochures and dresses she liked for me etc. what i’m baffled at is why she didn’t care yesterday and suddenly does now

OP posts:
TheUndoingProject · 02/07/2021 20:27

Yeah I think you’re a bit out of order. If you’re not a rush to get married before the baby comes then really what’s the hurry? You sound very competitive.

Fullofglee · 02/07/2021 20:27

Just last comment just shows your as bad as each other.

GrettaGreen · 02/07/2021 20:27

Getting engaged on the day of someone's pregnancy scan isn't a big deal. But most brides would be hacked off having someone book theirs 3 weeks ahead of theirs.

Hankunamatata · 02/07/2021 20:27

No way can you swoop in a do your wedding month before your sister. I'd be seriously annoyed if I was your sister.

Micemakingclothes · 02/07/2021 20:28

It is quite rude towards the overlapping guests, especially those who have to travel. Many of them will have to choose one wedding instead of attending both. You are basically forcing great aunt ida to declare who she loves more.

MareMare · 02/07/2021 20:29

Honestly this sounds like petty revenge for the perceived slight of getting engaged the day of your scan— I think it’s weird you think she should have kept schtum because you were having what is, after all, a medical procedure..,? I hadn’t even told anyone I was pregnant by the time I had my first scan.

Original poster
username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:29

@Micemakingclothes

It is quite rude towards the overlapping guests, especially those who have to travel. Many of them will have to choose one wedding instead of attending both. You are basically forcing great aunt ida to declare who she loves more.
nobody has to travel. both weddings local
OP posts:
RosieGuacamosie · 02/07/2021 20:29

she’s very competitive and acts like the victim over it

Someone in your OP is coming across like that and it isn’t your sister!

Fullofglee · 02/07/2021 20:29

People are paying for outfit, gifts drinks for the day travel not to mention annual leave you've done this to be spiteful

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