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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

242 replies

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:16

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit Hmm but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months? Confused

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

OP posts:
Original poster
username2479 · 02/07/2021 21:13

@User135792468

I love how you’re trying to paint your sister as the weird, competitive one when you are clearly the pain in the arse! I’m sure she pressured her fiancé to propose on the same day as your baby scan 😂. Grow up and get a life Op! You seriously sound pathetic.
she phoned me and literally said ‘oh i asked xx if he wanted to get married and gave him the string to make a ring and he said yes then got down on one knee and asked’ so yes she literally initiated it never mind pressured him
OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 02/07/2021 21:14

I'm desperate to know what this venue is now.

It's a one off, very niche wedding venue that doesn't do weddings (do they have a licence? Expensive to have a licence but not do weddings) and can cater for groups of 40-150 in the same space?
I mean, a space for 150 is generally too big for 40. Unless it's outside? Which (if I remember correctly) is even more expensive to have an unused wedding licence?

BlueSurfer · 02/07/2021 21:14

she phoned me and literally said ‘oh i asked xx if he wanted to get married and gave him the string to make a ring and he said yes then got down on one knee and asked’ so yes she literally initiated it never mind pressured him how convenient and not quite how you described at the start of your post. It’s almost as if you aren’t telling the truth!

GreenCrayon · 02/07/2021 21:15

she phoned me and literally said ‘oh i asked xx if he wanted to get married and gave him the string to make a ring and he said yes then got down on one knee and asked’ so yes she literally initiated it never mind pressured him

It honestly sounds like you're now making shit up just to prove you're not unreasonable.

BlueSurfer · 02/07/2021 21:15

@Biancadelrioisback

I'm desperate to know what this venue is now.

It's a one off, very niche wedding venue that doesn't do weddings (do they have a licence? Expensive to have a licence but not do weddings) and can cater for groups of 40-150 in the same space?
I mean, a space for 150 is generally too big for 40. Unless it's outside? Which (if I remember correctly) is even more expensive to have an unused wedding licence?

And once it’s been able to do a wedding, it will be able to do more in the future. Seems odd to go from something so unique to something so mainstream and low-key…
ineedsun · 02/07/2021 21:15

You sound unhinged but I repeat my advice to have a double wedding and would like you to keep us all updated on the planning and the day.

Crowtooyo · 02/07/2021 21:16

Op I think you sound really bitter and unfortunately you're really coming across as unreasonable. There must be background to this as at the moment you're not coming off well.

Most people would be excited about a baby and an engagement. My family would be like 'wow what an amazing day, you're pregnant and sis is engaged'
What did you expect her to do? Wait a week before announcing? I'm not sure I'd be able to wait to announce my engagement. And then people will say when did they get engaged and when she says a week ago they will be like why didn't you tell us.

Biancadelrioisback · 02/07/2021 21:16

Oh and, its local to both sisters and their guests so presumably not in the middle of no where?

toocold54 · 02/07/2021 21:16

Honestly I’d just move it to the following year so there’s no stress or competition.

Gladiolys · 02/07/2021 21:17

Tbh you both sound like absolute brats. Booking your wedding 3 weeks before your sisters is a bitchy dick move though - not really any way around that.

Notsowise · 02/07/2021 21:17

I was in your sister position and posted a (now deleted) thread and it made the DM so watch out!

And yes YABU. Obviously.

Biancadelrioisback · 02/07/2021 21:18

I get being a bit annoyed at someone stealing your limelight, especially someone close, but it's the kind of issue id whinge to my OH about or my best mates over a bottle of wine, knowing I was being unreasonable but just wanting to vent.

Lucked · 02/07/2021 21:19

Considering you are having a low key wedding for which you might not buy a dress I can’t see that getting married whilst on a course would matter. You could plan it in a week!

Even if you had a big do all the planning is done in advance and could be booked in the next few weeks. Having to start a course would just be motivation to be organised.

StrongLegs · 02/07/2021 21:20

I'm really sorry to hear that you are having this trouble OP. Sibling relationships can be terribly difficult sometimes.

It might be best to accept that your relationship with your sister is just not very good. Perhaps you could find a way to rely on someone else as your support network, and to plan in advance for coping with your sister's unfortunate behaviours?

It's tempting to try to solve these problems, but I think sometimes it can be like pushing a bus uphill, and it might be easier just to walk quietly round the bus and keep right on going. Good luck!

YummyButter · 02/07/2021 21:22

Please don't do this to your sister, it's awful!

Just wait and get married a few months after.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/07/2021 21:22

I can't get passed the baby scan thing 😅 since when is that an event that can't be outshone?

Babyroobs · 02/07/2021 21:24

I would put yours back a while, honestly it isn't fair on her. You could have had yours first but chose to get pregnant and have your baby first. I don't understand why you can't delay yours for a few months.

lap90 · 02/07/2021 21:25

You both sound batshit tbh.

DotsandCo · 02/07/2021 21:25

You've got quite a lot of growing up to do! I honestly wouldn't have the energy to deal with your nonsense if you were my daughter!

VodselForDinner · 02/07/2021 21:26

Look OP, no matter the history and the ins and outs, the fact of the matter is that you’ll end up looking like an attention-seeking lunatic if you arrange your wedding for three weeks before your sister’s.

Like, people will laugh at you.

MouldyPotato · 02/07/2021 21:26

@ineedsun

Why don’t you have a double wedding?

Grin

Great idea! You'd save loads!
Gazelda · 02/07/2021 21:26

OP, I've been feeling increasingly incredulous at how the two of you are behaving. So I re-read your posts to make sure I'm not being unfair to you.

I'm not understanding the timings. You got engaged last summer. A few days later, you discovered you we're pregnant. Less than a month later she announced her engagement, on the same day as your first baby scan, which you'd already told close family about. Am I misunderstanding something?

And you've been trying for a long time for a baby. Which I sympathise with. But you were obviously mid degree course while pregnant and with a newborn. Hats off to you. But you couldn't possibly get married while studying for your next qualification. Surely such a low key ceremony can't interfere with studying as much as a newborn?

You aren't sure you'll even get a wedding dress, yet are fixated on a particular venue that is now out of your reach.

It's not adding up OP. I'm pretty certain that your family are rolling their eyes at the drama you two are throwing at each other. You're both point scoring just for the fun of it.

LittleNibbler · 02/07/2021 21:26

No offence, but why shouldn’t she get engaged when you have a scan? It’s a scan...yes it’s nice to see some weird bloggers on a screen (I could never make out my DC I only ‘enjoyed’ the scans to ensure all was well), it doesn’t deserve major fanfare to anyone except you and the father.

Don’t book your wedding three weeks before your sister. Let her enjoy her time and you enjoy yours. You’re going to be getting LOADS of focus and attention whilst you’re pregnant then when your baby comes and THEN when you get married. Let her have her time.

Why can’t you both just be pleased for each other and enjoy each other’s celebrations? Some of the beat moments in your life will be marred by petty bitterness between you and your sister.

Grow up and support each other instead of acting like 12 year olds.

RandomCatGenerator · 02/07/2021 21:27

@GreenCrayon

she phoned me and literally said ‘oh i asked xx if he wanted to get married and gave him the string to make a ring and he said yes then got down on one knee and asked’ so yes she literally initiated it never mind pressured him

It honestly sounds like you're now making shit up just to prove you're not unreasonable.

Yep, this.
minniebin · 02/07/2021 21:29

I'm just glad I have the sisters I have!