Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

[username2479]

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months?

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

It makes perfect sense. She wants to spoil her sisters day so made a rash booking, followed by booking a bar, when she could have been mature and booked slightly later at another equally perfect venue

You do know people are capable of being excited for your news and also be excited about your sisters news. Why do you think they wouldn't is the question?

But she hasn't had she, you already announced your pregnancy to those it mattered to before the scan. So basically moaning because you didn't get all the glory twice for being pregnant

I have read the entire thread and all your replies OP.

As others pointed out it's unlikely your child will be fully weaned by June 22.

You say your sister steals her thunder. But she hasn't really has she. Lots of siblings get engaged around the same time.

If anything you have one up on her, you will be providing the first grandchild (unless sister has kids you haven't mentioned).

Her engagement announcement doesn't take the shine or excitement off your pregnancy, you had that excitement when you first told people, the scan day was just you sharing a photo,not an announcement.
You will also get all the excitement and all the attention when baby comes along and your family spoil the child rotten.

You say you aren't having a dress, which I'm guessing you told your sister, so she shared dress ideas with you to help you. How evil of her to do that eh.

So got engaged before her but booked nothing. Your cousin by your admission booked the date your sister wanted, your sister did the right thing by having her wedding later. When your cousin cancelled she didn't move plans. From reading your post I 7ndeestood it to be your sister telling you she wanted June 22 before you decided you wanted it and swooped in to take it. All the excuses you give for only being able to get married in June are poor to say the very least. You could easily get married in August before starting your new course. I personally, if it was me would have married the following year when the baby was old enough to be page boy/bridesmaid/flower girl/mini best man.
I would also have welcomed the extra years savings that would contribute to the big wedding you wanted.

You opted for the date you did for no reason than spite, and are so focused on being spiteful you are prepared to give up the dream wedding in favour for registry office, pub do and no dress.

I also don't believe your sister purposefully got engaged to spite you, I'm surprised you haven't also claimed she's now pregnant and due on your wedding day.

Seriously OP get to a therapist, it's you with the issue, and the spiteful jealously at your age needs addressing

I think you are just both being childish. Nothing wrong with getting married close to her, neither of you should be thinking competitively about it.

You are being sooooo unreasonable and you bloody know it.

Pick another date and grow the fuck up too.

Think the comments are quite harsh tbh obviously we’ve all forgotten be kind. I doubt it’s great for anyone’s mental health to be told hundreds of times things like ‘you sound awful,’ and have everyone pick holes in your story.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this OP. I can see your point of view about announcing the engagement and the baby scan on the same day (particularly as you say it sounds like the engagement was coerced to be on that day), and despite lots of people saying no one cares about your news), lots of people do! It does sound like it’s 6 of one and half a dozen of the other to me. I also would be annoyed if my sister booked the wedding venue I said I liked (but I’d also be annoyed if she booked her wedding 3 weeks before mine)! Despite what other people have said I think it would be weird to have two sisters have their wedding at the same venue in the same year.

My advice), if you haven’t booked the venue already would be to change to august or September. If you’re starting a Uni course in September, usually courses start late September onwards, so if yours does then that gives you a few weeks in September as an option. I agree with others’ opinions about booking in 3 weeks before hers, it would be better to have a couple of months in between. You could even do October if you have a reading week?

Don't do it. My bff had her wedding 20 days before mine. She was my MOH, I was engaged and planned my wedding way in advanced then she complained she couldn't afford to be my MOH and didn't want the responsibility. Do it after her wedding or the following year. You don't want tension building up

@username2479

what did you decide to do 🌸

Why don’t you get married now if you don’t want a large wedding? Why do you have to wait?

You're as bad as each other

@username2479

also when i told her yesterday my plans she literally sent me a bunch of wedding brochures and dresses she liked for me etc. what i’m baffled at is why she didn’t care yesterday and suddenly does now

Come on OP we are all adults here.

Except you it seems

Genuinely surprised that anyone in their right mind would want to marry either of you.

You seem to live your lives like an episode of a soap opera.

is the venue the Queen Vic?

This entire relationship between you sounds exhausting...

Your family dynamic sounds exhausting and I'd back off a bit if I were you for the sake of your child.

It’s poor form to book yours 3 weeks before hers. She got in first - if you had a set date in mind then surely you’d book it when you got engaged. I think you’d have been better going for a different season entirely.

Everyone is going to ask who booked their wedding first. Whatever the reasons it's a dick move to book your wedding right before your sisters. It's a dick move to your sister and it's a dick move to your guests.

If you carry on then you will be tainting your wedding. I'd rebook if I were you.