Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

[username2479]

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months?

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

Honestly I think it’s rude of the sister to book her wedding date in without checking with you first, particularly if you were engaged first.

I don’t really understand why you are getting so much hate here.

Is there an unwritten rule that if you get engaged first in a family, you should be the first to marry?

When people come to your wedding, do you want them to a. think kind thoughts about you and be focused on wishing you well; or b. be laughing behind your back at what a bridezilla you are and wonder what kind of nasty person gets married three weeks before her sister? The choice is yours.

If you just want to be married just go and do it without all the bridezilla drama from you both, why wait when you can have a small intimate ceremony?

AnotherDayAnotherCake
Are you older OP? Just asking because you sound desperate to do everything first.

Your reply:
no i’m younger and that’s part of the reason why i think she felt the need to hop in and get engaged

I knew it! I have seen this so many times with younger siblings. “It’s not fair older sister or brother gets to do such and such and I don’t get to because Mum Dad said I’m not old enough.” Followed by tantrum to force parents to change their mind. Then resentment, retaliation towards older sibling.

@username2479 You are not a child anymore. You are an adult and a parent. It’s time to let go of this competitive resentment towards your sister. Let it go.

OP you do whatever makes YOU happy for your Wedding Day.. 🎂

Enjoy being a Bride and Congratulations on your pregnancy 🌸💕

Look for what it’s worth if you told her you wanted to book your wedding on a particular day/month at this venue then it wasn’t nice of her to then book her wedding on that same day/month and venue.

The appropriate response is to communicate with her about that and tell her exactly how you feel about it.

Retaliating by booking your wedding 3 weeks before her wedding isn’t going to solve anything. It isn’t the mature way to handle things. It doesn’t look like it’s making you happy either. Also, it seems to be creating more stress than if you’d simply planned your wedding later on another day/month not too close to your sisters wedding.

I think it's quite clear YABU, no matter how much you insist you aren't.

This is what I would do.

1. Step out of the ring!!
2. Leg your sister get on with it.
3. Postpone your wedding until later this year/next year. If you want a dream wedding plan it properly, the day goes so fast.
4. Stop wasting precious time and your life trying to 'one-up'. All it causes is hatred, jealously and as Mnet knows, comparison is the thief of joy.

See it for what it is. You're BOTH trying to out-do eachother. What will this achieve? Certainly not happiness.

Weddings are not about who has it first.

What will you and your sister miss out on life trying for the next thing to out-do eachother with? Cars? Houses? Children? Headstones?

Take a step back and a deep breath. You dont have to rush this. It does not matter who gets married first. Will you be, if you're lucky enough, 90 looking back smugly thinking jeez that was great I won having my wedding first?!

You have the ability to stop this pattern now.

I think your dsis has behaves badly but two wrongs don’t make a right.

Dh and I had a similar situation. We got engaged before we went on holiday and only told two people. We came back from holiday intending to tell everyone else only to find that one of the people we told had also got engaged and booked their wedding for the next year when we planned to marry. It was a bit annoying but they had been together for longer, were older than us and we certainly weren’t going to drag our loved ones through two weddings in a short space of time so we booked our wedding for the year after. No harm done.

I think you need to consider the impact of this, not on your dsis, but on other friends and family members. Why would you want to inconvenience them with two events in close proximity when you could wait a year? Or even try and do it now if it’s a simple wedding. You already have a dc, your dsis may be in a rush to marry and start trying. Just try and look at this from a different point of view.

Your mistake was telling her your plans when you know she's like this.

My sister is exactly the same, older, and thus feels entitled to do everything before me. Thus I tell her, and consequently my mother (who feels obliged to tell her everything), nothing.

no they really don’t it’s a one off thing

Obviously not if your sister had booked it!

I don’t think the dates of the wedding are the main issue to be honest, and I’m surprised that others are saying it is because it’s usually the MN view that “no one owns a month” and you should plan your wedding when you want.

However, the whole sibling rivalry thing is ridiculous and I do feel for your parents stuck in the middle of this. If your sister is really the limelight stealing bitch you’re making her out to be you should have been more wary about telling her your wedding plans. She may have orchestrated the whole engagement to deliberately wind you up but you’re an adult and there’s nothing you can do other than to rise above it. Is there anything to get out of it by being constantly annoyed and upset by it? No, so just move on.

With regards to the wedding you have two choices, stick to your guns and possibly have it out with your sister and say she’s being ridiculous, no one is taking away any limelight from her day, the weddings are different so people won’t be comparing them and she either needs to accept it or not. Or you move the date to keep the peace and appease her. Prepare for fall out for option 1 though.

I’d also recommend some counselling as there seems to be massive unresolved issues between you and unpicking them with a professional may help you deal with them better.

You don’t really like your sister very much, do you?

I feel sorry for your family.

Some people just never grow out of sibling rivalry. Op you might now want to be the centre of attention, but you’re very big on competing with your sister. Time to grow up and stop that.

@username2479 I’m going to take your side here. I have a sister in law exactly like your sister.

Her and my brother had been engaged for a few years before us and no sign of a wedding, we got engaged and booked our wedding for only a few months later, low and behold they booked their wedding for months after us at the exact same venue!

We had our first baby and said we wanted a small gap between our children and after 5 years of saying they were having no more children as one was more than enough they announced they were having a baby who was born a few months before our second.

They then had the baby’s baptism the weekend after my due date to try and deflect from my new baby.

Some may say it’s coincidence but I know how her mind works, I’ve known her long enough and she hates anyone having centre of attention unless it’s her! And my brother is an eejit that goes alongside with it all to keep the peace.

Thankfully we have nothing to do with them all due to their dramas!

You said you could get married in 2023 so why don't you do that? Also who cares if you have the same venue as your sister, even if it is a one off place, especially if you do it a year later. I looked at getting married where my sister did.
In the end we decided not to but not because I thought oh I can't get married in the same place as my sister. What will people think?
I also got engaged before my sister but she got married first. I didn't act like a spoilt brat and throw a tantrum by booking my wedding 3 weeks before her's.

You and your sister sound childish and petty. I feel sorry for both grooms who are in the middle of all this and will have to put up with all the bitching. Great way to start a married life!

It's very clear that you don't like her and it seems like you did this just to spite her.

I think you both need to grow up tbh. Why can't there be two weddings within a few weeks? You should all just be pleased that you're both happy and getting married and share the joy instead of being so competitive. You both sound like children.

And as for her announcing her engagement when you had your baby scan - so what? The world doesn't stop because you're pregnant.... Or is there supposed to be a specific waiting period before anyone else can give good news? Drama about absolutely nothing.

Unnecessary one upmanship on mostly your part OP, so much petty behaviour souring what for most are happy events. Your poor family having to put up with this.

This is all so petty, I don’t even know what to say.

You wanted Payback OP why don't you just own it?

The thing to do now is sit down and really think this out. I'm sure you'll come to the glaringly obvious conclusion as to what is and isn't sensible, and what battles are actually worth having.

She literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan

As lovely as baby scan is, it's just not comparable is it? It's not even as if you were having a baby shower that she upstaged.

I get that you are annoyed with your Sister, perhaps you simply don't get on. These things happen.

But alas, what GreenCrayon says is true.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the weddings. It sounds like you’ll both be divorced soon enough. No mentions of marrying the man you love. All about who gets married first, when, where, what flowers, goal being to get married after degree. Sounds like both poor men are just facilitating both sisters.