Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

242 replies

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:16

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months?

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 02/07/2021 20:29

There’s obviously a lot of history and it’s not obvious whether she’s the perpetrator or whether it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

I do think booking your wedding for 3 weeks before hers is worse behaviour than her booking hers for a month after your cousins.

CassandraTrotter · 02/07/2021 20:30

nobody has to travel. both weddings local

Are all overlapping guests also local?

Hankunamatata · 02/07/2021 20:30

Just read your updates. You sound so bitter and ridiculously competitive
She stole my dream wedding
She stole my venue
She announced her engagement when I had my scan

pigglepot · 02/07/2021 20:30

As all the other posters have said it's quite obvious you've booked your wedding to try and get in there first because you somehow feel it's your right to get married first and you're still pissed off that she got engaged in the day of your baby scan.

No idea why her getting engaged on the same day as your baby scan is an issue. She presumably had no control over that and probably was never as focused on the day as you were (if she even knew it at all).

As others have said again unclear why the length of her relationship is relevant.

And from your post unless I'm missing something it sounds like she acted as considerately as she could with your cousin as she wanted the same date but changed it to after to accommodate her.

IdblowJonSnow · 02/07/2021 20:31

I'd have more of a gap as it's the considerate thing to do for your family/parents.

Even if she is being a nob it's still the right thing to do.

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:31

@HeddaGarbled

There’s obviously a lot of history and it’s not obvious whether she’s the perpetrator or whether it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

I do think booking your wedding for 3 weeks before hers is worse behaviour than her booking hers for a month after your cousins.

tbh yes there’s a lot of history she has always tried to one up me and make me feel shit. last year was a bit last straw for me but when we were both engaged we discussed plans. i said i’d like summer after baby is born at x venue. she then booked hers for exactly that.

so yes maybe petty of me but she has stolen my exact plans and is now miffed at me for keeping my original date.

OP posts:

Fullofglee · 02/07/2021 20:32

You sound awful and hardwork id love to hear her side

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:32

@CassandraTrotter

nobody has to travel. both weddings local

Are all overlapping guests also local?

yes

OP posts:

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:33

@Fullofglee

You sound awful and hardwork id love to hear her side

her side would be ‘sister told me she planned xxx so i decided i’d book xxx’ :)

OP posts:

GreenCrayon · 02/07/2021 20:33

so yes maybe petty of me but she has stolen my exact plans and is now miffed at me for keeping my original date

So you admit you're doing it to be pretty. It's bloody stupid behaviour on your part and really crap to make your family potentially have to choose which wedding they will be able to attend. Leave is not always garunteed and 2 weddings so close would be almost impossible to book time for in many professions.

myrtleWilson · 02/07/2021 20:34

So you agree you're being petty so I guess thats the AIBU done and dusted then!

RosieGuacamosie · 02/07/2021 20:35

She hasn’t stolen your plans when she booked hers first! You hadn’t booked anything so perhaps she assumed you were still umming and ahhing.

I mean this kindly but your baby scan probably wasn’t on her radar. I certainly couldn’t tell you when any of my close friends/family’s were!

Whyo · 02/07/2021 20:35

You both sound awful, sorry.

I wouldn’t think twice about someone getting engaged on “my first baby scan day” that’s a day that only really matters to you, barely to her and will matter not a jot the man proposing to her.

“Always wanted to get married as soon as I finished my degree” I mean that’s also quite bizarre why do you have to get married exactly the day you have your last day in uni? “Always” so you’ve wanted this before you were even engaged?

You’ve booked a wedding 3 weeks before your sister that’s quite gross. From your OP I can’t see anything that points to her being the problem it’s all you, get married later on and stop being weird.

Fullofglee · 02/07/2021 20:35

You reply just makes you worse who cares when you have a baby scan the world doesn't stop for you.

notmethenwho · 02/07/2021 20:35

@Fullofglee

You sound awful and hardwork id love to hear her side

Same.

I feel for the sister actually.
Was she meant to keep the fact she had been proposed to a secret for a respectable amount of time after your (one of many) baby scans?
And how very dare she send you dresses and stuff she thinks you might like, what a b-i-t-c-h

RosieGuacamosie · 02/07/2021 20:37

her side would be ‘sister told me she planned xxx so i decided i’d book xxx

I’m pretty sure her side would be “sister got engaged and said she’d like to get married spring 22, she then got pregnant and hadn’t made firm plans to marry, I got engaged and decided I’d like to marry relatively soon so I booked my wedding summer 22”

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/07/2021 20:37

You both sound quite competitive tbh. I wouldn't have booked a wedding so close to my sister's. It's really not great for anyone and a bit of a pain for your mutual guests. Since she booked first might have been more reasonable to book yours after as it may have seemed that you were trying to get in there first.

Gazelda · 02/07/2021 20:38

I can see how you think she's point scoring OP. But you're doing your fair share of point scoring too. More so in fact. I suspect your family are pretty tired of the both of you.

Sssloou · 02/07/2021 20:38

Congratulations on your pregnancy and engagement - and good luck with your degree and wedding planning.

You have a lot of amazing life experiences happening at once - you can choose to focus on enjoying those precious times and cherishing the moments or miss it all by becoming preoccupied with negativity and locking horns with a toxic dynamic that I assume has been throughout your life and will continue to pollute your future if you let it.

You can’t be in two emotional places at once - choose wisely.

Choose to stop, disengage, detach become distant and dignified - so that you can focus on the good people and things in your life. Fade this nonsense out. Get your head out of this game.

Anythingelseintheboxpandora · 02/07/2021 20:39

Yikes. I hope my girls grow up to be closer and kinder than this competitive rubbish.

I have two sisters. They’re my best friends. I want only good things for them. I can’t imagine feeling this way about them.

I just think you’ve taken all the shine and excitement away from her wedding. People won’t be that fussed about hers once they’ve been to yours. They’ll have caught up with each other and had a good time and it’ll be a chore to have to do it all again three weeks later.

But then you know all that. That’s why you did it.

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:39

@RosieGuacamosie

her side would be ‘sister told me she planned xxx so i decided i’d book xxx

no i mean i literally told her my venue and date plans while at a meal with her and she messaged me days later saying she had booked the exact venue and summer 22. it wasn’t a vague conversation. don’t see how this wouldn’t also feel like a kick in the teeth to people commenting

OP posts:

Fullofglee · 02/07/2021 20:41

Well this thread didn't go the way op wanted. Loving the drip fed to steer her narrative her way.

caringcarer · 02/07/2021 20:42

I feel sorry for your parents. They will have the month from hell with 2 bridezillas to deal with. Can't you consider your parents and guests and put it back a couple of months or forward a couple of months? Be the bigger person. If I was invited to both weddings I might just decline both invites as would mean 2 new outfits for whole family.

GreenCrayon · 02/07/2021 20:43

Do you know the most ridiculous part of all this.

You think you are winning by upstaging her day by having yours first but in reality no matter how competitive and spiteful you believe she has been everyone will be firmly on your sister side if you have your wedding 3 weeks before hers.

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:44

@Fullofglee

Well this thread didn't go the way op wanted. Loving the drip fed to steer her narrative her way.

here’s another drip feed. she nearly asked my cousin to rearrange her already booked wedding because my sister wants a specific flower that’s more likely to be in season that date, until we told her that was out of order. she’s not perfect either

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10