Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

[username2479]

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months?

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

Dick move op

Ok so even if your sister was an attention grabbing dick at your pregnancy announcement, don't stoop to her level. Do you want to be the same as her?

If she's already announced her wedding date you'll be the one who will look v unreasonable and petty.

No matter what's gone before.

I also don't really understand why you can't get married when studying. Especially when you're planning a low key wedding. You could plan and do all the prep over the summer and just do the actual wedding later. And then honeymoon at another time. Our honeymoon was a year after our wedding because we wanted to attend a particular event.

I thought this would be a reverse when I read it first...

@LittleNibbler the baby is already here I think as the OP found out she was pregnant last summer

I don't think OP will be back, too many holes in the story

"trust me she had control. i don’t believe for a second she didn’t press at her boyfriend to propose because she’s the competitive type."

Really? You sound like the competitive one tbh. I can't believe you're complaining she got engaged on the day of your scan

[quote myrtleWilson]@LittleNibbler the baby is already here I think as the OP found out she was pregnant last summer[/quote]
But baby will only be weaned by June 22?

How old are you both?
You've been trying for a baby for some time yet studying for a degree. Are you quite young?

You sound awful. I’m surprised you’ve managed to find anyone who wants to join legally into your petty family drama!

Honestly…please rebook your wedding.

She’s your sister. This means a lot to her as well, even if she’s known the guy for less time ( I don’t understand why that bothers you?)

You have a lifetime to make beautiful memories, don’t ruin it over who marries first, has a baby first etc etc.

It’s not a competition. I wish I had a sister to giggle with and be joyous that we have both found our partners.

The others are right, this is so petty.

can’t do that as i’m going straight into a different course after uni so it’s either summer 22 or summer 23 unless i want to get married in the middle of studying which is a definite no

Oh come on. It’s effectively a job. A job which other people manage to get married in. If people living in different sides of the world, high pressured jobs or conflicting families can…so can you. Esoecually if everyone lives on your doorstep.

None of the things you mention; pregnancy , study, wanting a fab wedding are really really ordinary. Pretty much everyone has done at least some of them . Just get married , gave a fuck off partysonewhere lovely, job done.
Honestly the 22 fashions will date her wedding photos terribly.

My son and daughter were married 3 months apart. No bad feelings on either side. You sound like you and your sister are very competitive.

OP you’ve been given a bit of a hard time here eh! So you told your sister which wedding venue you were about to book and she didn’t say anything then ran off and booked it?! Wow what a bitch.

Having a wedding a few weeks apart wouldn’t have to be a problem - I did it for various reasons and it wasn’t a drama at all - but obviously there is a lot of history and competition here :(

@Skysblue

OP you’ve been given a bit of a hard time here eh! So you told your sister which wedding venue you were about to book and she didn’t say anything then ran off and booked it?! Wow what a bitch.

Having a wedding a few weeks apart wouldn’t have to be a problem - I did it for various reasons and it wasn’t a drama at all - but obviously there is a lot of history and competition here :(

I wonder if there is only one venue where OP and her sister live, hence why OP has now gone for a bar. Just seems odd it has to be that venue, or a bar!

Reading your posts is exhausting. You know it’s a dick move… you sister sounds like a pita but your coming off as being just as bad.
I’d be bemused if I was a family member…

So with your cousin, there will be 3 family weddings in the space of 2-3 months? That’s going to be tough on your family members. There will be suffering from wedding fatigue. And no, unless they are men, they won’t be able to recycle the wedding outfits because of wedding photos and social media.

I get the difficult relationship with an unreasonable sister. Unless you have a sibling like that, most people won’t understand. I think she could have delayed the announcement of her engagement by a few days because you had made a big announcement (I would have done that in her shoes).

My mum has a rule for weddings for her kids, no 2 weddings in the same year. Saves a lot of grief.

It’s a shame your OH wants a June wedding. Is there anyway you can persuade him to get married at a different time? By the sounds of it, your wedding isn’t dependent on weather. You could stress the discounts you could get by getting married out of seasons. Most people get married in summer and it’s boring. I would love to go to a winter wedding and be served mulled wine and hot chocolate instead of pimms, wear a beautiful faux fur cape.

Knowing your sister like you do, I would stop sharing things with her. I’ve made a mental note not to share anything personal with my sister because she finds a way to use it a stick to beat me with.

I get why you feel miffed but to most outsiders, you are going to look like the unreasonable one if you book your wedding 3 weeks before hers. There’s no getting away from that.

@VodselForDinner

Look OP, no matter the history and the ins and outs, the fact of the matter is that you’ll end up looking like an attention-seeking lunatic if you arrange your wedding for three weeks before your sister’s.

Like, people will laugh at you.

This.

Sorry but YABU OP. You can’t book your wedding three weeks before your sister’s.

My sister and I got married within 2 months, and then had our babies 4 days apart!
Some people would say that's full on (especially our poor parents) but the relationship we have can handle that, we are very close, and open with how we feel, but ultimately just want the best for each other.
To be honest my worry would be if I was you, can your relationship with your sister handle this stress? Will you end up falling out and ruining the friendship (if any) you have? If the answer is yes, then you should move your wedding. If the answer is no, then just get on with it and stop getting worked up and enjoy each others special day.

I think it is pretty poor of you to book your wedding three weeks before your sisters.

And it is absolutely bizarre that you have an issue with her announcing her engagement the day of your baby scan, I can’t even work out what you mean.

Both of these.
I hope you have accepted by now YABU and this is a rubbish thing to do. You have even admitted you are being petty, before you started trying to add bits in in an effort to make your sister look petty.
It is clear from 7 pages of answers that it is unanimous that everyone thinks swooping in and setting up your wedding 3 weeks before your sister is getting married is just nasty. Everyone in your family will also think this even if they don't say it outloud.

So you had your first scan last summer - baby must have been born somewhere between Nov - Feb and by May/June 22 would then be 18-20 months .... and should then “was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7.”

I would give your health visitor a call if you believe that your baby will only be weaned and not BF 24/7 by next summer.

Doesn’t add up.

Aw man! This is going to get deleted isn't it?

@Sssloou

Congratulations on your pregnancy and engagement - and good luck with your degree and wedding planning.

You have a lot of amazing life experiences happening at once - you can choose to focus on enjoying those precious times and cherishing the moments or miss it all by becoming preoccupied with negativity and locking horns with a toxic dynamic that I assume has been throughout your life and will continue to pollute your future if you let it.

You can’t be in two emotional places at once - choose wisely.

Choose to stop, disengage, detach become distant and dignified - so that you can focus on the good people and things in your life. Fade this nonsense out. Get your head out of this game.

100% this. Life is way too short for this bullshit.

YABU. My brother did exactly the same to our older brother and it just made him look shitty and jealous. There is however a massive backstory to this but I still think it looks bad.
Why can't you have your wedding a few weeks after her? It does sound like you want to steal her thunder tbh.

You both sound incredibly immature tbh. Unless you’re making life difficult for people (travel, weird requests) no-one will give a shiny shit.

I got engaged a few months before my sister. They set the date for around when we thought we might have got married, so we deliberately got married the following year so as not to 'steal the limelight' and avoid this sort of carry on.
I think you both need to grow up a bit and stop trying to get one up on eachother, it's petty and ridiculous.