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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Having my wedding 3 weeks before my sisters?

242 replies

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:16

NC obviously very outing.

got engaged last summer, a month later my sister got engaged too (to her partner she’d been split up from a couple of months before so hers came a bit out of nowhere). I found out I was pregnant a few days after my engagement and my sister knew, at the time felt a bit awkward as she literally got engaged the day of my first baby scan which was a bit but I didn’t say anything because if she’s happy then fine. I’m not big on being the center of attention anyway.

My cousin had a wedding planned for June 22, sister wanted the same date but changed hers to a month after. So has done exactly the same to someone else that she’s mad at me for. Cousin has cancelled her wedding anyway but point is how can she think it’s okay for her to do this but if i do i’m awful?

I mentioned to her yesterday I was going to book my wedding soon and was aiming for end of may/june 22 as then my baby will ideally be weaned and not breastfeeding 24/7. it’s important to me that i get married then because it was always my aim and she knew that. i’ve said for ages i wanted to get married as soon as i finished my degree (may 2022). this isn’t a surprise.

she didn’t say much yesterday and just sent a gif from the movie bride wars so i thought she was being a bit sarcastic but she didn’t say anything else. then today sent her a message with the date and she’s kicking off as if i haven’t made her aware already of when i wanted my wedding? saying i stole her limelight when she literally took over my own engagement/baby news with her engagement to a partner of like 3 months?

our weddings will be completely different. mine is low-key with 40/50 people. hers is a big do with 150. i’m not looking to outdo her, i couldn’t care less about anything fancy. i’m not even sure that i’m going to be getting a dress. all i want is to be married, i’m still happy to be her bridesmaid and plan her hen do etc etc literally all i’m having is a registry office and hiring a nice bar for the evening.

i’d understand if i hadn’t told her but i had, it’s not really my fault that she can’t tell me how she feels until i’ve paid and booked my ceremony.

OP posts:

RaspberryRoyale88 · 02/07/2021 20:55

So prior to the scan picture announcement, no one in your family knew of your pregnancy?

getmetothebeachplease · 02/07/2021 20:55

Please ignore the spelling mistakes, it's been a long day!

Honeyroar · 02/07/2021 20:55

I can understand why you’re upset. But if she’s so like that I don’t understand why you share your plans/dreams with her?? If she’s rushing into all this with a new relationship they might not even last until the wedding!

If I were you I’d have a small ceremony now with a meal afterwards, then a celebration reception/christening next year. Then there’s a long time between the weddings and it can’t be copied or compared.

FlaminEckVera · 02/07/2021 20:55

You both sound childish and petty and pathetic.

@username2479 I agree with a previous poster; I feel sorry for your parents.

I also agree with a previous poster that you keep changing your story to suit.

I won't waste any more time on this thread than this one post, coz the thread will be deleted before long.

MouldyPotato · 02/07/2021 20:56

i posted my baby scan as my announcement to family. she then sends a pic with a bit of STRING around her finger and says she’s engaged. please don’t try to say that’s not limelight thieving in itself

You don't have a baby to get limelight.

I feel sorry for your family, 3 weddings so close to each other.

RaspberryRoyale88 · 02/07/2021 20:56

Bold fail. Oops.

Biancadelrioisback · 02/07/2021 20:56

But if you wanted a registry office followed by a bar and hers is a great big affair, is she also having hers in a bar?
Or is yours now your plan B wedding?

TentTalk · 02/07/2021 20:56

I agree that it comes across as petty. Do you really want that to be what people talk about at your wedding?

PeridotPenelope · 02/07/2021 20:56

Bloody hell…!

Finishing your degree, having a baby, getting married all at once.

Sorry but I really would be thinking twice about all that. Space it out!

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:57

no not my dream venue but i can’t have the same venue can i

OP posts:

Thewinterofdiscontent · 02/07/2021 20:57

I agree you are as bad as each other. Competitive posting of scans and rings ffs.

It might have been your preferred date and venue but her getting in first means …it’s hers.
Go with something else. Like a grown up. No one else wants to be dragged into this.
If everyone is so local surely dates don’t really matter. It’s effectively just a nice day and evening out?

Biancadelrioisback · 02/07/2021 20:57

Also, June 22 is going to be crazy for weddings with very limited dates due to covid. She probably just got one of the few summer dates they had left?

ineedsun · 02/07/2021 20:58

Rejoined purely to say you sound like you have big issues and perhaps could do with some sort of therapy or a friend who gives you very honest feedback.

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 20:58

@Biancadelrioisback

But if you wanted a registry office followed by a bar and hers is a great big affair, is she also having hers in a bar? Or is yours now your plan B wedding?

my plan b wedding. it’s a one off venue. can’t really describe it without really outing myself but now that she’s took it that’s that out the window

OP posts:

MsHedgehog · 02/07/2021 20:59

@username2479

no not my dream venue but i can’t have the same venue can i

So because you can’t have the same venue, it has to be a bar? There are no other venues you can choose? It just doesn’t make sense.

Crowtooyo · 02/07/2021 21:00

Have you already booked it? If not, please consider doing it a few months later.
I absolutely LOVED my brother's wedding, the build up, the whole day , week, weekend leading up to it was amazing. We talked about it for weeks afterwards. I would not be wanting to do my wedding at the same time..its nice for them to be separate so you can both enjoy each other's weddings. It's a lot to expect people to take time off, spend money etc... so close together too!

MouldyPotato · 02/07/2021 21:00

PeridotPenelope I agree. Spread it out a bit OP! Also by squeezing yours in first everyone will be discussing your sisters upcoming wedding at yours and forget all about yours when hers comes along. So I'm afraid you'll not get the limelight you want this way.

Dogoodfeelgood · 02/07/2021 21:00

Yes thought she stole your venue, but you’re planning a registry office wedding so how has she stolen your venue? The general rule is you book AFTER the wedding that’s already booked, if you must be close to it. But as your only time stipulation is to wait until after your baby is weaned then you can push it out and have a beautiful autumn wedding. If you feel miserable at how competitive your relationship is, why would you even want a wedding so close to hers? Do your own thing in a different season and make it a special unique day x

Biancadelrioisback · 02/07/2021 21:01

So you wanted a big wedding for 100+ guests but are now settling for a registry office and bar? That's one hell of a compromise....surely there are other venues for August/September?

Original poster

username2479 · 02/07/2021 21:01

@RaspberryRoyale88

So prior to the scan picture announcement, no one in your family knew of your pregnancy?

my parents and sister did. i mean i told everyone else then off she goes waving her engagement right after like she can’t handle 5 minutes of people just being happy for me

OP posts:

nanbread · 02/07/2021 21:01

Honestly you sound as bad as each other and ridiculous. Trying to out do each other etc. Why would you tell her your plans if you know she's the sort who would try to outdo you or ruin things?

Ignoring the pettiness and history between you, yes it's bad form to book a wedding so close to a sibling's. It's asking a lot of family and friends attending both. They'll feel like they need different outfits etc, will maybe need to travel and so on.

I think 6 months distance would be best.

SecretSpAD · 02/07/2021 21:01

maybe i haven’t explained properly - i posted my baby scan as my announcement to family. she then sends a pic with a bit of STRING around her finger and says she’s engaged. please don’t try to say that’s not limelight thieving in itself
nope. Still not getting what's so evil about her. An engagement js different to a pregnancy announcement and a reason to be excited and want to tell the world - just as you did.

Another for team sister.

Biancadelrioisback · 02/07/2021 21:02

Thought it was a piece of string?

Lucked · 02/07/2021 21:02

If you were so set on summer 2022 why hadn’t you booked it already? What were your plans for a date when both your cousin and sister had dates set for 2022?

When I got engaged my future sister in law tried to make me promise we wouldn’t get married before her yet didn’t have a date (or a year planned and had been engaged for a year). We booked a date within 8 months of our engagement and she got married a couple of years later.

Like it or not she got her date in the books first so it was on you to accommodate it.

Ultimately family know she booked her wedding first and you, after being engaged for a year, have now booked it 3 weeks before her so you are going to come off looking really petty as every response on this thread shows.

Fullofglee · 02/07/2021 21:02

So you only told wider family? Close family knew I see don't get the childish behaviour on your part.

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