Aibu to be upset I've been removed from work WhatsApp group

[WhatsUpppp]

I'm on maternity. Baby is due next week.

I had planned to stay in the group until baby was here and I would let them know via that method. After that I'd remove myself until I'm back as it's just mundane chat and I don't need it pinging all the time. This was agreed with the person who removed me (a supervisor).

I've just seen that they removed me at the beginning of the week. I'm not close enough to one person in particular to let them know when baby comes, not sure who I'd tell and I don't have SM, so they won't see it there.

I feel quite upset by it tbh. Aibu?

I understand why you feel upset but tbh your supervisor probably thought it best practice so you don’t get constant work related messages. My workplace is really strict about not contacting staff on maternity leave too much. But they should have discussed and agreed it with you, I think lack of communication is the real issue here

Do you think they thought it best that your phone isn’t pinging all the time with pointless messages while you take care of your new born? That’s my first thought, but I do understand why you would feel upset if you had discussed it with your supervisor and they haven’t told you in advance they were going to bring the removing forward.

Email your supervisor/ team a photo of the baby any the info you would have put on WhatsApp or send it via WhatsApp to anyone from your team. Or create group?

Yes they did think that, as do I! Which is why I said I would leave after they arrive so I could let them all know and send a picture.

Contact levels and methods were agreed - this was part of it.

If you're not close enough to someone to tell them your baby has been born, maybe they don't need to know? You can contact the colleagues you're close to individually. If you're close you'll have their details.

Maybe they are using the group to discuss money collection/ideas for a new baby gift from the team?

We didn’t have a WhatsApp when I had DD a couple of years ago so I emailed my manager. That’ll be fine.

You’re in a weird time at the moment, I felt really odd when I started maternity. Loads was going on at work, I’d just finished the biggest project I’d ever done, there were lots of staff changes happening, people were leaving, and I felt sort of disjointed and left out, bored of waiting for the baby, nervous and tired and restless. You’re feeling left out and your daily normal has changed so this feels really significant and upsetting. People you saw or spoke to every day are carrying on as normal while you’ve got a massive life changing event ahead of you.

It’s normal to feel floopy, it’s probably not just about this.

Best of luck with the end of your pregnancy, you’ll meet your baby soon!

As PP said, if you're not close enough to anyone to tell them your baby has arrived then yes YABU.

Let your manager know / send a pic and let them know they may share with the team or ask them to let the team know.

There's a few people I will tell but it would have just been easier to do it in one. I guess I was looking forward to the replies from the team too. Saying I wasn't close to anyone may have been a bit dramatic.

It's a group chat where we spoke about mostly non work things. New dogs, holiday pics, fancy dinners, can someone swap shifts - all that crap.

They gave me some baby bits before I left which was nice.

Just seemed mean to do it before the baby has arrived, when they knew that's what I was waiting for.

Well tell one of the people you talk to and ask them to let the others know and the others you are close to will contact you when they hear the news.

Bloody hell woman, how do you think we coped before social media?! Tell one person and they’ll have it all round the office within minutes.

Surely you just email your supervisor with your news and picture of the baby and ask them to forward it round the team. They'll most likely do a collection/card for you (virtual if you're all wfh) and you'll get messages that way? If you're not close, I'm not sure why messages would be more than "congratulations" or bad jokes about getting used to sleepless nights anyway.

@DotBall

Bloody hell woman, how do you think we coped before social media?! Tell one person and they’ll have it all round the office within minutes.

This. They understandably aren’t as invested as you are in the announcement.

My line manager removed my boss from all group emails when off sick, he didn’t want to be seen to ‘ask’ her to work. I think it’s fair enough.

Can get paid for keep in touch days when on maternity maybe they felt having you on group chat would be classified as kit and need to pay you for them ?

Why would you want to be removed when on maternity leave if it’s a WhatsApp group used for socialising and not for actual work related reasons? I’d ask to be kept on it. When you want to find out what everyone’s been talking about recently have a read through the posts and when you don’t want to be bothered by notifications, mute the conversation. You can then post baby info any time and won’t feel out of the loop. It’s a win/win situation.

It's possible the supervisor knows one of the group may have miscarried or something. Perhaps they don't want them to have to see photos?

It is possible they are discussing a collection / gift for you on the group.

It is possible there are people on the group for whom a baby announcement would be difficult.

It's also possible someone just forgot what was agreed.

It is also possible it is to be careful if not including you too closely in work talk.

It's not a big deal OP. You are on mat leave now. Focus on that.

@WorraLiberty

It's possible the supervisor knows one of the group may have miscarried or something. Perhaps they don't want them to have to see photos?

This is a possibility.

I'd just email the manager and others you want to know when the baby comes

I’m glad I had my dd before social media and what’s app groups. It took 10 years to conceive so I think I would have struggled in a group like yours where someone “announces” the birth. It’s easier to ignore via email.

I’m sure it’s something like this rather than your supervisor being mean

@thefourgp

Why would you want to be removed when on maternity leave if it’s a WhatsApp group used for socialising and not for actual work related reasons? I’d ask to be kept on it. When you want to find out what everyone’s been talking about recently have a read through the posts and when you don’t want to be bothered by notifications, mute the conversation. You can then post baby info any time and won’t feel out of the loop. It’s a win/win situation.

To be honest I did feel like the group chat wasn't a big deal as it's not very work related and it would be a nice way to keep in touch, but the last person who went on Mat left the group and I think it's seen as the done thing. We do shift work so messages come through at any hour, I think it was because of this. But frankly I thought it would be nice to have something from my "normal life" to look through at 3am when I'm feeding baby.

I had muted it (I always have it on mute!) - I was removed at the weekend and only noticed tonight.

It is possible someone had sad news and thought it was best I didn't post. But I don't think this was a great way to handle it if that's the case.

I guess they just don't care, which is fair enough I guess! I'll just email my boss when baby arrives and text the few I'm closer to.

This was agreed with the person who removed me (a supervisor).

You are reading too much into it.
You said you were going to remove yourself as you didn’t want it pinging all of the time and the supervisor agreed. They may not have understood that you were going to remove yourself.
I’ve never known people who go on mat leave to leave the group chat though, they just obviously message a lot less because they’re busy but they’re still on there.