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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 02/06/2021 22:09

*haemorrhoids, obvs

ohsuzannah · 02/06/2021 22:40

@BlueLobelia

We used to have a lady who would turn up at all the weddings in our village and watch and wave and throw streamers. That was rather nice.

except when DH and I got married and then went on our honeymoon and she waved us off .... at Heathrow. Which is a 2 hour drive away from where we live.

Neither of us knew her name and I have no idea how she knew where and when we were going away.

We had a man in our village who went to all the funerals, and the wakes. You could always spot him, because he was the one grinning when everyone else looked serious Confused
PigGondola · 02/06/2021 23:04

@MintyMabel

Oh I think we can all spot the predatory type of woman a mile off. And that's the reason we instinctively don't like them. It's nothing to do with being judgy.

Of course it is judgy. You are questioning someone else’s motives based on your own world view.

I work with mostly men. Most groups I’m involved with are men because of that. I’m sure you’d judge me as predatory if you saw me with them, but I have absolutely no interest in any of them.

But presumably you’re actually doing whatever activity it is the groups do, not just trailing them with your pom-poms and yakking on about ‘my boys’? Which I don’t in fact think is predatory but a bit tragic. If you want to do something, actually do it, don’t think that waving your pom-poms outside someone’s basket weaving class is the same thing.
ForwardRanger · 03/06/2021 08:00

DrSbaitso

Didn't you see "my muffins bring all the MAMILs to the yard" and "you and me baby ain't nothing but MAMILs so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel"?

An attempt but does not maketh a classic.

DrSbaitso · 03/06/2021 08:04

@ForwardRanger

DrSbaitso

Didn't you see "my muffins bring all the MAMILs to the yard" and "you and me baby ain't nothing but MAMILs so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel"?

An attempt but does not maketh a classic.

Ok, well, we still have space for another couple of hundred comments. Show us how it's done!
Maireas · 03/06/2021 09:17

I'm just waiting for her to post on aibu
"I'm part of a mostly male cycling group, we're all friends and it's great fun. However, one of the wives is jealous and resentful and hardly spoke to me at a recent lunch. Btw, I drive a sports car and she drives a Ka."

nottoday3000 · 03/06/2021 10:01

Not read the entire thread but I've only just worked out what a MAMIL was !!!! 😂😂😂

DrSbaitso · 03/06/2021 12:09

Not read the entire thread

I really, really recommend that you do. There are some gems.

nottoday3000 · 03/06/2021 12:15

Marina last of the summer wine 😂😂😂😂😂I'm no use to the poor OP so sorry but due to some issues at my end I haven't smiled or laughed since Saturday x you've all helped me out so funny 🤣

nottoday3000 · 03/06/2021 12:30

@Sunbird24 I'm still laughing at marina 😂😂😂seriously cheered me up 👏 thank you

nottoday3000 · 03/06/2021 12:43

@DrSbaitso Pom poms as a tourniquet ffs I've gone 😂😂😂😂this thread has got to go to classics excellent the replies on here but literally I've got no support to offer OP hope she's had a laugh at them tho well done 👍🏻

MustardRose · 03/06/2021 13:48

@MintyMabel

Oh I think we can all spot the predatory type of woman a mile off. And that's the reason we instinctively don't like them. It's nothing to do with being judgy.

Of course it is judgy. You are questioning someone else’s motives based on your own world view.

I work with mostly men. Most groups I’m involved with are men because of that. I’m sure you’d judge me as predatory if you saw me with them, but I have absolutely no interest in any of them.

I'll judge away when I see another woman simpering all over my husband and elbowing me out of the way so she can stand next to him and hold his elbow against her boob while she flutters her eyelashes and whispers in his ear. Especially when I've already seen her do it to several other men the same evening.
hennaoj · 03/06/2021 14:41

@CarlottaValdez

Ugh at the wives taking turns to do the lunch. She’s obviously shagging one of them.
One of the wives or one of the husbands?
TheChiefJo · 03/06/2021 14:56

One of the husbands. Or maybe more than one. Maybe they were taking turns with more than lunch.

5475878237NC · 03/06/2021 15:01

They obviously don't see the issue otherwise would have taken one of the many steps we've suggested on here. Someone (at least one person) in that group wants this woman around.

MintyMabel · 03/06/2021 18:57

but presumably you are also welcomed in to the group and accepted as an equal member, you're not just turning up with muffins and shaking your pom poms around.

I’m not always taking part in the activities. I don’t play golf or football but turn up to support them when they are playing tournaments. It’s not unknown for me to bring refreshments for the team. It’s part of being involved in the team.

MintyMabel · 03/06/2021 18:58

I'll judge away when I see another woman simpering all over my husband and elbowing me out of the way so she can stand next to him and hold his elbow against her boob while she flutters her eyelashes and whispers in his ear. Especially when I've already seen her do it to several other men the same evening.

None of which is what this woman is doing.

Liverbird77 · 03/06/2021 19:00

She sounds like an icon. I think I've pissed my sides laughing!!

Murraytheskull · 03/06/2021 19:31

The cynical part of me is thinking at least one of the men definitely wants this woman around, probably because they're shagging. The really cynical part of me thinks it could be the OP's husband and this is a power play on her part, turning up on OP's 'turf' unannounced. The husband deflects this behaviour by passing off the cycling cheerleader as some bonkers woman who keeps following them around, and is just tolerated by the group as a whole.

But I am by nature and experience a very cynical person.

Jobsharenightmare · 03/06/2021 21:15

The only people who seem to find this normal must be some weird hangers on who are not dissimilar to this woman!

Justilou1 · 04/06/2021 00:49

I think if one of the men wants this woman around he’s a bit desperado himself... She sounds barking mad.

HeavenHotel · 04/06/2021 01:35

@EsmaCannonball

Is there one of the men who looks like he eats a load of muffins despite all the cycling?
Omg that made me laugh more than it should!!
imsanehonest · 04/06/2021 11:29

This thread has the honour of making it onto 'Mumsnet Madness' on Twitter 😆

lemonjelly10 · 04/06/2021 16:50

FFS what is it with Mumsnet and the obsession with everyone must be having an affair and also with cyclists?

I'm a female cyclist and yeah I wear lycra. I'm also middle aged, does that make me a MAWIL? (Hilarious 🙄)

Anyway, It's quite normal when someone new turns up to the group to be added to the group WhatsApp. Usually if they don't come again they take themselves off eventually.
It's certainly not normal to invite yourself along to things in the manner in which the OP has described though.

Chances are the poor lady, and yes, I do feel sorry for her, has hung around a bit but hasn't really caused any harm, and the men haven't liked to say anything (too nice?) But now this lady has pushed things a little too far (hence the husband's embarrassment at this lady turning up at the house!)

Whilst it's odd she'd latch onto this group and not one of the others, beginners etc, I don't know..maybe she felt welcomed, included, safe. She does sound lonely and obviously isn't reading the signals either. Some people don't

You're NBU , OP she does sound like she hasn't read the social cues and unfortunately without causing hurt I don't know what to suggest other than setting up a new group, or gently suggest she gets her bike back out and joins a beginner group (look at Breeze bike rides for women)

3scape · 04/06/2021 17:49

If your husband was previously just not knowing who the fuck she is he now has a perfect chance to raise in conversation (when she isn't there) "DW asked me who cycling send off woman as she hadn't met her before is and I realised I don't know, who introduced her to the group again?, what's the story?" It wouldn't be hard! Now is the time!

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