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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
ForwardRanger · 02/06/2021 12:25

I am a little disappointed with how this thread has planned out. I thought it had vg potential for classics with regard to topic and clarity of OP. But the responses have been decidedly crap. Missed opportunity.

Nayday · 02/06/2021 13:05

Honestly - the woman sounds eccentric, the behavior is not in the realms of standard. But she couldn't/didn't just 'turn up' to the OP's house - the group are inviting her! You can't follow a group and arrive before them Hmm. At best they're naive but at worst there's an element of cruelty here. I'm not excusing her behaviour, but it's so bizarre it sounds a bit mentally unwell. And I can't really bring myself to laugh at that.

Nayday · 02/06/2021 13:09

@MintyMabel - yes, they are spineless - agree with everything you've said here

maskface212 · 02/06/2021 13:18

[quote celiamary]@maskface212

Yes lonely and a bit sad. They keep wanting to do things that are out of their reach. Kidding herself that she is 'one of the gang'.[/quote]
Exactly but from the descriptions eg the child's bike and turning up for no reason to see them off at 7am, seems as though there is something else going on with her. Perhaps something more than loneliness such as mental health issues or something else. Most people a. wouldn't take it upon themselves to cheer lead a bunch of blokes on bikes and b. would take the hint after a while. A member of my family has histrionic personality disorder and several others and her behaviour is similar - likes the attention and doesn't read the room. It's not her fault though, and I feel very sad when I see it.

JSL52 · 02/06/2021 13:27

Sorry , why can't someone just remove her from the WhatsApp group? Then start a new one ?

DrSbaitso · 02/06/2021 13:35

@ForwardRanger

I am a little disappointed with how this thread has planned out. I thought it had vg potential for classics with regard to topic and clarity of OP. But the responses have been decidedly crap. Missed opportunity.
Didn't you see "my muffins bring all the MAMILs to the yard" and "you and me baby ain't nothing but MAMILs so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel"?
fearfulfran · 02/06/2021 13:44

Thing is though @maskface212 there hasn't been a hint for her to take as far as we know. Seems like the Mamils haven't done much to dissuade her

MintyMabel · 02/06/2021 13:50

I have a pretty good idea, to be fair

She's told you, then? Or are you making assumptions based on your own judgements?

SpringlikeBunk · 02/06/2021 14:07

I agree this woman sounds eccentric and laughing at her isn’t on

but equally I think it’s easy to dismiss stalky types as “eccentric” up till the point where they’re causing issues in your day to day life?

Then it escalates.

Just because someone isn’t neurotypical doesn’t mean they can’t be clued up and sexualised and fussy and possessive about who they want to socialise with.

Eg with the weird guys who came to Meet-up groups and creeped out the women, I found it was easy to dismiss them as “lonely” and “harmless” and “just needing a friend”

Up till the point you clicked they were working through the members list and direct messaging/trying to get in with/targeting ONLY those women they saw as desirable/vulnerable/younger.

They didn’t want friendship and support from other men or women they weren’t attracted to!

Same with this woman - if she wants to give her time and volunteer and bake and be all plummy and sparkling, she could be doing it with lonely older people or refugee children and it would go down a storm?

Or like pps said plenty of mixed lower level sports groups she could join.

But it seems like she desperately wants to be part of an “all-men” group here.

I’m not commenting on the attractiveness or not of MAMILs but in general I think someone who is trying too hard to get into a group they’re not naturally part of isn’t a good social situation.

MustardRose · 02/06/2021 14:40

@MintyMabel

but I think she would have no qualms if the opportunity presented itself

Do you judge all women in this way? Or just the ones you don’t like?

You have absolutely no idea of her motivations, let alone whether she is after any of the apparently spineless guys in this group.

Oh I think we can all spot the predatory type of woman a mile off.

And that's the reason we instinctively don't like them. It's nothing to do with being judgy.

SpringlikeBunk · 02/06/2021 14:55

@MintyMabel

Yy - someone can be both a bit eccentric and easy to dismiss because of the way they look/act, and also controlling and predatory

You feel sorry for them then realise they’ve used their perceived “eccentricity” or “otherness” to violate every normal social boundary

Many creepy guys just initially seem very geeky and lacking in social awareness. Like Uriah Heep in David Copperfield.

but they somehow are able to “switch the social awareness on” when it comes to, say, aggressively pursuing someone they find sexually desirable.

waterlego · 02/06/2021 15:43

unless someone is filling her in after the ride I do t get how she would know

Am I the only one laughing at @Kona84’s (unintended?) innuendo here?

belinda789 · 02/06/2021 16:58

@4cats4kids
She is NOT a support car. Punctures indeed

Quite so. How could she cope with an injured man and his bicycle in a sports car?

DrSbaitso · 02/06/2021 17:08

[quote belinda789]@4cats4kids
She is NOT a support car. Punctures indeed

Quite so. How could she cope with an injured man and his bicycle in a sports car?[/quote]
Maybe she can tie the pompom fringes together to make a stretcher.

fearfulfran · 02/06/2021 17:12

"Someone's filling her in" Grin

areallthenamesusedup · 02/06/2021 17:18

I have got visions of Julia Davis' Jill in Nighty Night.

Iamthewombat · 02/06/2021 17:18

Maybe she can tie the pompom fringes together to make a stretcher.

HAHAHAHA

copperpotsalot · 02/06/2021 17:21

@areallthenamesusedup

I have got visions of Julia Davis' Jill in Nighty Night.
Yes! Definitely had the same vision
BumCat · 02/06/2021 17:30

@areallthenamesusedup yes! With a hint of Dorian from birds of a feather. 😂

Coffeepot72 · 02/06/2021 17:42

A lot of posters are suggesting either deleting her from the WhatsApp group, or starting a new one and leaving her out. But this would only ever work if the group wanted to do this, not just the OP (who isn’t in the group) thinking it’s a good idea.

MintyMabel · 02/06/2021 18:50

Oh I think we can all spot the predatory type of woman a mile off. And that's the reason we instinctively don't like them. It's nothing to do with being judgy.

Of course it is judgy. You are questioning someone else’s motives based on your own world view.

I work with mostly men. Most groups I’m involved with are men because of that. I’m sure you’d judge me as predatory if you saw me with them, but I have absolutely no interest in any of them.

Coconuttts · 02/06/2021 20:07

She is going to turn out uo be one of the groups ex whom he can't shake off.

Nayday · 02/06/2021 20:46

She's not really predatory though is she? Added to a WhatsApp group, told about lunch and the address to be at. All very easily avoided in the first place. Predatory is not knowing those things and finding out by stalkery methods - which she isn't because they're telling her themselves 🤦‍♀️

Gingerwhinger01 · 02/06/2021 21:16

I work with mostly men. Most groups I’m involved with are men because of that. I’m sure you’d judge me as predatory if you saw me with them, but I have absolutely no interest in any of them
No. Unless you are actively choosing male dominated work environments, most people don't get a choice on the sex of their colleagues.
If your social circle is mostly male as a result, again no, but presumably you are also welcomed in to the group and accepted as an equal member, you're not just turning up with muffins and shaking your pom poms around.

Justilou1 · 02/06/2021 22:08

I’m wondering if she was hurt doing something that she decided was for the team (put her back out with one of her pompom routines or developed harmorrhoids from her shorts) or something or her pretty car was scratched up or dinged, is she not a potential insurance liability for the club? What if she hurts someone else?

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