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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 01/06/2021 17:24

Still dinner know why I got deleted.

But I apologise profusely for saying the wives are saps for rotating preparing lunch and actually doing it. And that it was wrong these MAMIL got their wives to make lunch for them after they have a had hard day indulging themselves.

sniggers

ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 01/06/2021 17:24

Dinner know? Don't know!!

Coconuttts · 01/06/2021 17:28

The notion of a support car is crackers! Come off it.

TheChiefJo · 01/06/2021 17:37

What use would her 2 seater coupe (or did I imagine that bit?) be as a support car?! Could she even carry a rider and bike?

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 01/06/2021 17:44

If she's a bona fide club member, when is she due to be hosting lunch at her gaffe?

Don't forget to invite yourself early OP Wink

ClaudiaWankleman · 01/06/2021 17:50

The explanation given by your husband, which you have chosen to believe, is frankly not credible.

But why wouldn't he have just said she was the support car, instead of giving the details about the pompoms and muffins?

Do amateur cycling groups organised via Whatsapp even have support cars? It's hardly the Tour de France.

TheChiefJo · 01/06/2021 17:52

The support car suggestion is ridiculous.

LouScot · 01/06/2021 17:53

Oh @4cats4kids I've been following this thread and it really has made me laugh. I don't think you sound jealous or catty at all, and this lady does sound rather eccentric to me. Perhaps she is lonely, or just now able to read social cues, or perhaps she just fancies going round to cheer them off (or fancies one of them!) but I agree with you, it does sound strange behaviour - and I don't for one minute believe there's anything underhand going on on your husband's part.

queenmeadhbh · 01/06/2021 17:57

@4cats4kids

“This is a mean post from a jealous wife who has just discovered her husband is appending Sunday morning a with an attractive woman she knew nothing about”

You see, I find that comment misogynistic. I am not jealous if this woman. If I was, I would say so.

It is not normal to turn out at 7am for a cycling club when you don’t even have a bike. To give some context, I know where the cafe is. It’s on the edge of a park and is rammed with cyclists all weekend, not just 7am. There are loads of women’s groups; mixed groups if all ages; groups who just take a more leisurely ride round the park etc etc. Put it this way, if I wanted to get into cycling right now, I could easily find a beginners’ group at a time to suit me. And before I even did that, I would at least get an actual road bike and go round the park by myself a few times to practise! What I would not do, is hone in on a specific group of MAMALs who clearly take the whole thing seriously and start showing up at the crack of dawn waving muffins and pom poms fgs. Who does that and on what planet is this remotely normal? It makes no sense.

This week was the first time she has gone so far as to drive the route in the car. DH says this hasn’t happened before. He is adamant about this, I asked him last night. He said, “I don’t know, maybe she fancied the drive?” He thinks she is an eccentric, basically. He says “ Why would she be after us?” This is what he says.

@4cats4kids what is “MAMAL”?

I think she sounds nuts and likes attention or the feeling of being someone “looking after” these men. And the men sound clueless and socially incompetent/afraid of confrontation so none of them said to her “who are you and what are you doing here”. A bit odd that your DH hadn’t told you but I suppose he didn’t attach any importance to it.

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 18:01

How can she be a “support car” when he says the first time she ever drove
the route was this weekend? In a two seater convertible? I bet she doesn’t even have so much as a plaster in her bag fgs. And no, they don’t have a support vehicle for such things. They did when they went across Russia, etc but this is probably just Surrey or Berkshire. He came into the kitchen and he said to me, “Sorry this lady is a cycling send-off woman but we don’t really know who she is.” That was before lunch. Then he told me the rest later.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 01/06/2021 18:05

Maybe she's the pace car??

4cats4kids · 01/06/2021 18:08

ContinuousMonotoneBeep - I don’t know why you got deleted. I thought, by sap, you meant stay-at-home-parent, for some reason, but now I see you mean sap as in pushover, or something like that.

My marriage might be a little different to yours and yes, I would generally cook for my husband and / or guests, but obviously that is just one element in a wider picture and I’m not a “sap.” Thanks.

OP posts:
TheChiefJo · 01/06/2021 18:09

People are desperate to assign Pom Pom a role. If she had one, OP's DH would have surely said so.

OnlyheretovoteonAIBU · 01/06/2021 18:22

@CocoStar555

"But it’s very odd to drive around a cycling route."

I missed this detail yesterday. So if she actually drives around the route, this gives her an important role in the cycling club. Punctures, other breakdowns, exhaustion, medical issues. This is why there are support cars in road cycling events. Giving up her time to do this is extremely generous of her and it's churlish for the OP's husband to write her off in the way he has done. I really doubt that the rest of the club perceive the woman in this light.

Furthermore, it would be incredibly rude not to invite her to the lunch after she's gone out of her way to provide a "support car" service for the cycling club.

This now makes me question why the OP's husband has said what he has said, and why he failed to mention the woman. I would be suspicious, unless he only did this because he knew it would trigger a reaction from his wife.

Wow, you really are getting creative here in your eagerness to have a pop at the OP and cast her as the villain in this story 🤣 what utter bullshit.
DrSbaitso · 01/06/2021 18:27

Support car 🤣

What's she going to do, pull out tinsel from the pompoms to use as a tourniquet?

TheChiefJo · 01/06/2021 18:30

Didn't you know? Pom Pom is actually vital to the club now, and OP is totally jealous and misogynist and wants to force her to work as a waitress. Grin

stackemhigh · 01/06/2021 18:35

@bigbadbluewhale

What leaps out to me here is that you have very different expectations of men and women.

I agree that this situation sounds odd, and some of this woman's behaviours do seem strange. From your description, this woman could be anything from a very vulnerable individual to a quirky personality. It is hard to judge from your posts and without having been there. However, you seem to have taken issue with her for:

Showing up at your house
Expecting you to have prepared lunch
Identifying as part of your husband's cycling team
Talking about bikes
Not engaging with you

All of the men involved, including your husband, are also guilty of the first 4 of these. In fact, given that your husband expected you to act like "a waitress" whilst they are there and that you've emphasised they are not your friends, I'd hazard a guess that the men were probably not engaging with you very well either.

I think the group's behaviour towards you is very poor and the fact that your husband have never mentioned this woman is strange. I'm just struggling to understand why the majority of your anger is reserved for the only person in the group that you don't have a relationship with.

I think you're reaching.

I think OP should stop putting on a spread for the MAMILs but I can sort of see why she does it. OP says she does all the cooking and may be a SAMW/M and therefore may not mind cooking for DH and his club members, as she may want DH to enjoy himself. plus it gets him out of the house

This woman doesn't seem to be a member of the club as she's not cycling. If she was cycling with the group and talking to the OP like the others, then it probably wouldn't be an issue.

TheRebelle · 01/06/2021 18:43

I can’t believe the comments on this thread, you’re all telling me if you turned up to a cycling club and there was a hanger on there who overheard where the group are going for lunch and invited themselves, despite not actually cycling, you’d tell them they’re not welcome? What would you say? Sorry, I know you turn up every week and we chat to you but you’re not actually in our group, you’re not invited and then stand and watch as she cries? Or would you just feel awkward and not say anything because you’re gobsmacked that she’s acting in such an unusual way and hope she takes the hint that she’s not really part of the group?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 01/06/2021 18:44

Wait. Is she a cheerleader or support now? Maybe she's medical support too.
After all with all the men eager for her muffins and flapjacks, she's obviously performing a crucial role.
How cruel of you not to see this OP.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 01/06/2021 18:44

TheRebelle totally agree. I doubt many people would tell her to get fucked, as has been suggested.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 01/06/2021 18:54

Nothing wrong with a middle aged woman shaking her Pom poms!

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 01/06/2021 19:00

No one should ever shake pom poms. Not even Madonna.

ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 01/06/2021 19:00

@4cats4kids

ContinuousMonotoneBeep - I don’t know why you got deleted. I thought, by sap, you meant stay-at-home-parent, for some reason, but now I see you mean sap as in pushover, or something like that.

My marriage might be a little different to yours and yes, I would generally cook for my husband and / or guests, but obviously that is just one element in a wider picture and I’m not a “sap.” Thanks.

You're welcome.

@queenmeadhbh, I think a MAMAL might be "middle-aged man at lunch".

DrSbaitso · 01/06/2021 19:04

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

No one should ever shake pom poms. Not even Madonna.
Madonna is the only one who should. Strike a pose!
CarlottaValdez · 01/06/2021 19:05

Nothing wrong with a middle aged woman shaking her Pom poms!

I love Madonna but she’s only middle aged if she’s planning to live to 130. Although to be fair she might!

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