To message and ask this?

[mrinvisible]

I'll keep this short, and I mostly expect to be told I'm AIBU, but hopefully people will understand.

I really want to know who my bio dad is. I'm mid thirties and have no idea. My mum and "dad" passed when I was a child and I wasn't told until my teens that dad was not my dad. To be honest, I knew (overheard conversation).

I have tried asking a couple of my mums friends, but they don't know, or couldn't remember his name.

I have two options right now. Message my aunt (mums SIL) or another friend who happened to message me on FB to say hello a few weeks back.

I know it's not ideal. I have no other way of asking the friend, but it feels like an opportunity. But I don't want her to feel used.

Or my aunt. We see each other very rarely, so I thought if I messaged her, it would give her the chance to discuss with my uncle and get back to me? It could be that he doesn't know anything anyway.

What do people think? I feel like I really need to know.

Thanks.

Of coyrse YANBU. It's totally normal to want to know regardless of your age.

I would try the friend first, as if there are any issues then you're not causing a family upset.

I hope this works out for you, OP, but just be aware you may not get answers or they may not be pleasant ones.

Have you considered a DNA test on ancestry.com or something similar? If any family members have also done a test, or do one in future it'll link you up. Might draw a blank but equally might help.

As long as it's approached sensitively I think I'd ask them both.

@Mywingshurt

Have you considered a DNA test on ancestry.com or something similar? If any family members have also done a test, or do one in future it'll link you up. Might draw a blank but equally might help.

As long as it's approached sensitively I think I'd ask them both.

No, I have considered it, but I haven't done anything about it.

And yes, I'm not expecting a heartfelt reunion. He could have got in touch if he wanted, but hasn't.

I just want a name and face to put with it. For now, anyway.