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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel the majority of people are not very nice

199 replies

Namechangeme1 · 11/05/2021 23:49

NC for this post.

Just that really. As I approach 40 im starting to see very mean sides to people that is making me not want to spend much time around them.

Not all people, but it's starting to become the vast majority. I'm not perfect by any means but slightly worried about approaching older age as a bitter recluse. I have a husband, very good close family and a handful of close friends but aside from that, people never cease to disappoint.

I'm struggling with it - are the majority of people outside your close circles not very nice or is it just mine?!

OP posts:
malificent7 · 14/05/2021 10:19

Ive felt like this since I was about 10! It's not just an old person thing....hell is definately other people.

zafferana · 14/05/2021 10:21

Oh - and have low expectations - that way when someone does something spontaneously kind or goes out of their way to help it's a pleasant surprise. I expect very little of others and that way I'm rarely disappointed.

Sillysandy · 14/05/2021 10:24

I had the opposite epiphany. I changed industry a few years ago to teaching in a school. It's a big school in a very established close community. I was friendly with many but not many friends if that makes sense. I found it all as bit twee and insular to be honest.

Well my views changed when I fell on hard times two years ago. They rallied! Honestly I was blown away by the continued support and kindness i was shown. My partner and I have no family and no longterm friendships here but we never felt alone for the whole year we were in dire straits - people helped with childcare, dropped off food, gifts, cards, flowers, took me out for walks, sent messages of hope. I had never seen anything like it.

Cadent · 14/05/2021 11:11

I'm nice to women, I've stopped being nice to men. Too many expect me to move out of their way on the pavement, on the road in my car, at the roundabout (in my right of way), in the supermarket, everywhere really. NAMALT obs, but the majority.

Adventureswith · 14/05/2021 11:18

I'm the opposite, I really believe that most people are intrinsically good and kind. Even though most people can be thoughtless or selfish at times, generally they're not as a whole. It makes the world a nicer place to exist in.

motherloaded · 14/05/2021 11:21

Really? There are a few dicks around, but generally it's men who get out of the way, in the street, on the road, offer me a seat, stop to let kids and I cross the road.

When I am running and it's narrow, most men make way, women - especially with buggies - just stay side by side.

I can't remember ONE woman ever offering me a seat, even when pregnant or on crutches. I have better experience with male in general than women.

Cadent · 14/05/2021 11:22

@motherloaded

Really? There are a few dicks around, but generally it's men who get out of the way, in the street, on the road, offer me a seat, stop to let kids and I cross the road.

When I am running and it's narrow, most men make way, women - especially with buggies - just stay side by side.

I can't remember ONE woman ever offering me a seat, even when pregnant or on crutches. I have better experience with male in general than women.

We have wildly differing experiences then. I got on the tube for years and it was mainly women who got up for pregnant women/elderly/disabled people.
motherloaded · 14/05/2021 11:30

I even had men offering to help with luggage in stairs every-time! I always think they are very brave, the risk of being screamed at by an offended feminist screeching about equality is real!

Tooshytoshine · 14/05/2021 11:35

I hope I am nice and I have nice friends. I try to look for the best in people and offer kindness and compassion. But like you I am nearing 40 and am more cautious of other people - I do still think people are generally good.

I have a pleasant face with kind eyes and have been completely blindsided by users in the past, who have exploited my obvious good nature. I try to avoid materialistic people, people whose self justifying mantra is people are awful(they are saying "I am awful") or social climbers (they will move onto the next wrung asap).

Like you, I have a lovely spouse, some really good friends, a six figure household income and a no drama family. I feel lucky and largely unscathed by life (so far); it's easy to be a nice person when you have a nice life - some people are living and others surviving.

Cadent · 14/05/2021 11:37

@motherloaded

I even had men offering to help with luggage in stairs every-time! I always think they are very brave, the risk of being screamed at by an offended feminist screeching about equality is real!
'Feminist screeching'? I now don't believe a word you're saying. You clearly have an agenda.
imgoingtoregretthis · 14/05/2021 11:38

Someone at work said I was a bitch and my staff were scared of me. To clarify I had to be responsible for something and the staff had to complete 2 training sessions every year to remain qualified. They would give every excuse not to attend as most of them school/ college age. If there was an accident it would be me being questioned maybe even taken to court about why someone died. They just didn't take it seriously and so I was a bitch if I was strict on attending training.

I actually think I'm too nice.

Lottapianos · 14/05/2021 11:40

'the risk of being screamed at by an offended feminist screeching about equality is real!'

What total rubbish. Do you tend to find other women 'bitchy'? Hmm

I agree with you broadly OP. I find most people very shallow, self absorbed and really only interested in themselves and (maybe) their family. Really listening and trying to connect with others is a rare skill. Rambling on endlessly about yourself, your kids, what a fascinating person you are seems the norm for a lot of people. I find a lot of people really tedious and disappointing. As someone said upthead, it really helps to lower your expectations

motherloaded · 14/05/2021 11:44

Cadent

'Feminist screeching'? I now don't believe a word you're saying. You clearly have an agenda.*

An agenda? Because I mention some men being polite and helpful? 😂

You need to read some of the threads on here, where posters are highly offended because a man hold a door or offer them a seat "because they are a woman". I am not making these posts up.

What "agenda" do you think there might be?

I don't believe for a moment you have never witnessed a helpful man, and only saw helpful women.

imgoingtoregretthis · 14/05/2021 11:44

@agreatmistake I think as a female boss staff think you'll be softer and staff over share a lot. I certainly don't think a male boss wouldn't have female staff calling up saying they can't work as it's time of the month, every month. I'm sure on extreme occasions they would have to, but I think being female has certain disadvantages. I am very sympathetic, but it's hard when you actually need to get work done.

I have found being a boss very hard as people don't share my work ethic, and I do care if Claire in accounts hamster died and she wants a day off, but if Claire was a pisstaker who had a crisis every Friday then she would most likely get my more firm response about coming in.

motherloaded · 14/05/2021 11:46

Cadent

to add: I actually don't believe the posters ever reacted in real life, I am sure they keep their weird reactions for social media, but you never know...

MindtheBelleek · 14/05/2021 11:49

You need to read some of the threads on here, where posters are highly offended because a man hold a door or offer them a seat "because they are a woman". I am not making these posts up.

I'd be absolutely fascinated to see links to these threads by 'screeching offended feminists.' Hmm

ClarkeGriffin · 14/05/2021 11:50

People are just selfish. You only need to look at the panic buying from last year to know that. Although they are also stupid too, who actually panic buys toilet paper? Not like you can eat it. Hmm It's amazing that some people have managed to survive for so long, says a lot about our health service and the way the country works really. Natural selection should have got rid of that kind of thinking long ago. Grin

Cadent · 14/05/2021 11:51

@motherloaded

Cadent

'Feminist screeching'? I now don't believe a word you're saying. You clearly have an agenda.*

An agenda? Because I mention some men being polite and helpful? 😂

You need to read some of the threads on here, where posters are highly offended because a man hold a door or offer them a seat "because they are a woman". I am not making these posts up.

What "agenda" do you think there might be?

I don't believe for a moment you have never witnessed a helpful man, and only saw helpful women.

No, because your use of language like 'feminist screeching about equality' leads me to think you hate women.

Can you link a thread where a woman was offended a man held a door for her offered her a seat? I dare you.

And where did I say I've never witnessed a helpful man? I said ' it was MAINLY women who got up for pregnant women/elderly/disabled people.'

motherloaded · 14/05/2021 13:06

just advance search, I can't be bothered to search all the threads for you!
There has been enough examples, on AIBU, that I don't believe for a minute you have missed them.

Why would I hate women? I am one 😂

You do know it's possible to laugh at a few ridiculous individuals without hating an entire gender, don't you.. especially one I am part of it.

My point was that people are generally nice, and that the most helpful people I have met happen to be men...

I am not the one saying that I stopped being nice to men (or to women).

Cadent · 14/05/2021 13:20

Examples of it didn’t happen mother

The onus is on you to provide them not me!

Cadent · 14/05/2021 13:33

From a quick glance, I'm seeing lots of debate but no 'feminist screeching'. Any particularly heinous examples?

Ragwort · 14/05/2021 15:23

I've been following this thread with interest and actively trying to see if I can find any people who aren't 'nice' in RL ... and I honestly haven't found anyone this week. Maybe I am incredibly lucky but I just tend to meet nice people, I volunteer with the local FB and we are overwhelmed with donations, people are so kind and generous; someone I work with found me an unusual CD and bought it for me, just because he knew I would like it, the only unpleasant thing to happen this week is that a load of rubbish was fly tipped near our home ... but as we were looking at it a lovely man came to talk to us and explained how he would report it etc.

I had a tricky situation to deal with via a solicitor and they couldn't have been more helpful and pleasant.

I don't live anywhere special, just a big standard town ...but everyone seems 'nice' Smile.

ButtercupSquash · 14/05/2021 16:25

@Cadent

From a quick glance, I'm seeing lots of debate but no 'feminist screeching'. Any particularly heinous examples?
I agree. @motherloaded, you seem to have shot yourself in the foot.
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