To feel the majority of people are not very nice

[Namechangeme1]

NC for this post.

Just that really. As I approach 40 im starting to see very mean sides to people that is making me not want to spend much time around them.

Not all people, but it's starting to become the vast majority. I'm not perfect by any means but slightly worried about approaching older age as a bitter recluse. I have a husband, very good close family and a handful of close friends but aside from that, people never cease to disappoint.

I'm struggling with it - are the majority of people outside your close circles not very nice or is it just mine?!

I’m a nice person and always try to see the best side in people. I always try to help people if I can.
I must admit that after the menopause I could easily rip someone a new one because some people act like entitled idiots and think they deserve the world.

Women are often conditioned to be nice to their detriment. It's overrated. As I've gotten older, I give less fucks about people thinking I'm nice. That doesn't mean I'm automatically a bitch though. I just take less shit from people.

I am nice and polite and try to not let things bother me but I work with the general public who are very petty and entitled and speak to younger staff members like shit because they think they can .

I did have the point out to a new starter not to mistake my kindness for weakness,when he was being an arsehole.

People are mostly horrible entitled nasty self absorbed , jealous and most wouldn't help you if you were on fire.
The last few years have opened my eyes to how bad it can be. I always knew people were like this but it's gets worse as you age and the nasty pettiness from some is just laughable.
People with money seem the worst too!!
Of course you will meet the nice ones occasionally, but not where I live unfortunately. They are so stuck up and entitled. I work in a school a few hours a week and the majority are pretty awful apart from one or two. I try to just nod and smile and keep it brief.
Apart from a few close friends I've known for many years and can trust , I keep everyone else at arms length. Best way not to get involved. If they go low , you go higher is a good mantra to have in life , but it is hard at times when you know they think your a nobody!
Rant over!!.. ( I'm sure many on here are not like this )

I was incredibly nice when I was younger. Not so much now: my life is much happier mostly I don’t spend my time doing things I really don’t want to do with people I don’t particularly want to be with.

Mostly because

I think it’s easier to be “nice” when life is going ok

I don't think humans are innately nice and I think that people in general are getting less nice, as there's less incentive in society for people to be nice. Also the way you experience the world depends on a person's position in society and if you have say a low position in society you will experience less niceness. It becomes obvious that people don't want to invest in you when you have a low status.

We've become more self focused. I think there's been a huge cultural shift. We are constantly watched and judged by our peers. There is pressure to live an impressive life and this has increased our anxieties. A society of stressed, anxious people trying to out do each other isn't pleasant. You have to take people as you find them though, most are okay.

@grapewine, totally with you on that. People are good people until they show otherwise to me, then they get filed in the 'distance' cabinet and I keep them politely at arms length. My tolerance has got shorter in direct relation to age and experience. I cringe at some of the crap I put up with when I was younger. However, I have also been blessed with a few good apples in my time.

@ChardonnaysPetDragon

I'm tired of being nice. Also, I'm tired of being told "be kind" as shorthand for "you're not allowed to have an opinion on this".

So I'm polite, and that's that.

I agree with this. I’m not actively unkind or unpleasant, but I’m entirely sick of the rhetoric that people (women) should always be going out of their way to ‘be kind’. It’s rarely said to men, and is usually used to stop women having/expressing an opinion. People are not ‘nice’ or ‘horrible’. They’re multi faceted. You say only your close friends and family are nice... think about what a ridiculous statement that is. They’re nice to you. People who aren’t their close friends and family might have a different opinion of them. You haven’t just happened to stumble across the only ‘nice’ people on the planet and befriended them.

I naturally expect the worst from people and I think over the past year people have become particularly aggressive. I think the worst offenders are older people, usually men. I'm really small and young looking and older men always think they can disrespect me. I clearly look like an easy target but I've really snapped lately and have stopped taking shit from them. It's liberating.

I had my daughter in 2018 and it was then that I really realised how rude and entitled a lot of older people are. Making snide comments and just for daring to have a pram in a shop, complaining that they had to move out of the designated pram space on the bus, giving me dirty looks because my baby cried in M&S (literally one cry). I'm not saying all old people are rude but nearly all rudeness and aggressions I've experiences has been from pension-age people.

I think most people are fundamentally 'nice' and well meaning but also put themselves first, which is often fair enough.

I think assuming most people mean well has served me better than being cynical about them would have, I mean, I've never jumped to a negative conclusion about someone's actions and had a needless argument about it, for example.

Maybe it's you, OP. You get what you give.

I find the majority of people to be lovely.

I think as we age we become less tolerant, and some people get quite crabby. When I became a mum I became far less compliant and people pleasing and a male work colleague told me I wasn’t as nice as I used to be.

I actually think nice is over-rated and that not being is not necessarily a bad thing. Nice is often just a PR veneer to allow people not to rock the boat. And critically its something which people seem to value much more in women than men.

I'd take a person who was direct, consistent, loyal, brave and had honestly-held convictions but was prepared to make enemies over someone who is just very good at keeping everything smiley any day.

I don't like people who are rude or selfish or don't consider others in their day to day lives. But I don't think you have to be "nice" to live by these rules.

@An0n0n0n

I dont think people are innately nice. They train themselces to be in order for social acceptance. Being nice and therefore liked makes you part of the group and less likely to be predated in primitive terms.

Im nice. My friends are nice. Were all also jealous, petty, critical and get pissed off like every other human being but hide it well and dont voice or "bitch" about eachother. Some people are better at playing the game convincingly.

I think this is accurate.

I try to be kind but have my moments. Mainly because big corporations that rip you off and provide a poor service push my buttons. Maybe we just have higher expectations nowadays so get more annoyed when things don't work out. This can be due to both people having too much but also being constantly bombarded with marketing and advertising on our phones as well as traditional media like the radio and television promising us things that are totally unrealistic.

I also feel the sense of obligation relating to gift giving and celebrating every little event has gone insane. I work hard to provide a living for me and my family and resent the hundreds of pounds people expect you to pay on ever more elaborate social events like meals out, weekends away, paying extortionate rail fares to meet people who cancel arrangements at the last minutes, gifts for people you barely know for more and more reasons. Saying no makes you look mean and unkind but maybe the person suggesting or expecting others to incur such expenses is also not nice.

I think as the gap between rich and poor widens there is more situations likely to arise which leads to more clashes resulting in unkind behaviour. Equally people have different views as to what being nice is.

I think the best thing is not to seek to be unkind, help out friends and family where you can and try to empathise with others in general but try not to get taken in by people who take advantage of you.

Changing my answer- have seen 3 random acts of kindness which have restored my faith in the human race!( one by my son!!) #spreadthesunshine

Yes, most people are awful, rude, and unnecessarily nasty.

But I'm a cow to most people I don't know

Agree.

I trust v v v few.

I think the vast majority of people are nice, and willing to help people. That's my experience. On the whole people mean well, even if it comes out wrong.

Just you notice the bad eggs more.

I've long suspected 30% are selfish wankers. Life is much easier when I come at it with that expectation.

Orange I find that an incredibly sad comment - most of my friends and acquaintances are people of 'pension age' and they are a great bunch of friends, supportive people ... the vast majority of volunteering in my community is done by the over 60s - whether it is running the sports clubs, helping rough sleepers, helping old folk, all sorts of different activities. This weekend a very elderly friend is organising a fund raising event (Covid guidelines ensured) and I know that it will be a lovely gathering of really 'nice' people and I am looking forward to it. Of course a few volunteers might not be 'nice' but most people are, I appreciate that many of us volunteer because it is something to fill our time but also because we want to put something back in society.

It is a real shame that so many of you seem to be surrounded by people that aren't very nice. .

It's not my experience.
As I'm older I ignore rude negative people if I have to deal with them in work I'm extra nice to piss them off or calm them down. Whatever they decide.
Ime most people are polite decent and getting on with it.