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Original poster

To feel the majority of people are not very nice

199 replies

Namechangeme1 · 11/05/2021 23:49

NC for this post.

Just that really. As I approach 40 im starting to see very mean sides to people that is making me not want to spend much time around them.

Not all people, but it's starting to become the vast majority. I'm not perfect by any means but slightly worried about approaching older age as a bitter recluse. I have a husband, very good close family and a handful of close friends but aside from that, people never cease to disappoint.

I'm struggling with it - are the majority of people outside your close circles not very nice or is it just mine?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangeme1 · 11/05/2021 23:51

I never used to feel this way either, as I get older I'm starting to see this much more as I get older . I think the naivety of youth makes you miss these things perhaps

OP posts:
Whitegrapewine · 11/05/2021 23:51

To be honest, I think I'm not very nice.

Rummikub · 11/05/2021 23:53

I’m nice

ZednotZee · 11/05/2021 23:54

Yep most of them are self serving bastards.
And a lot of them are mind numbingly stupid, its a shit combination.

Rummikub · 11/05/2021 23:54

And I see others being nice
Obviously there’s some twats around but overall I notice the nicer things people do

Covid10lbs · 12/05/2021 00:22

I work in healthcare and I agree and disagree with you. People are capable of great self sacrifice and stoicism. Or can be incredibly selfish also. I suppose on balance, there is more good than bad in us, or society would fail to function.

I think it is important to not take things for granted. I think the quality of our elected leaders filters down. If we don't see decency around us, and believe that decency is important. I think behaviour generally deteriorates.
Sometimes I do despair, and feel that society, generally, is less kind & politicians less honest. But then I reflect on where we are coming from as a society & no, we are becoming more fair, prosperous and equitable.

Looking at it another way, are prople wrong to look after themselves and their nearest & dearest first?

Original poster
Namechangeme1 · 12/05/2021 00:25

@Covid10lbs it's not wrong to want to look after nearest and dearest but that doesn't mean you have to shit on those that aren't nearest and dearest either.

But I do agree with your post

OP posts:
Mrbob · 12/05/2021 00:26

Read Humankind

Goddamnroids · 12/05/2021 00:29

I think as we age we become less tolerant, and some people get quite crabby. When I became a mum I became far less compliant and people pleasing and a male work colleague told me I wasn’t as nice as I used to be. That’s tough isn’t it.

People who were nice are still inherently nice though. Most people who are unpleasant always have been

Beatinghearts · 12/05/2021 00:29

Agreed to be honest but I feel being bullied all through my childhood and teen years may affect my views on this

Blacktothepink · 12/05/2021 00:32

Hell is other people...

Gothichouse40 · 12/05/2021 00:33

Sometimes, Im not very nice. I try to do better. When I worked in catering, some regulars were lovely, but some customers were hellish. Ive got to say that in the main I trust no one, but that is down to bad experience with ex-friends. Since Lockdown I have found people more nasty and aggressive. I keep my head on a swivel when I go out and am wary of who I engage with. People now are also very competitive regarding possessions, not a nice trait.

ImInStealthMode · 12/05/2021 00:34

I like to think I'm nice (although I can also have not very nice moments) and I try to surround myself with people who are nice.

But yes, there are some not nice people about. I don't much like at all the 'I'm alright jack and to hell with everyone else' entitled attitude that seems to be in fashion. Of course people care most about their nearest & dearest, but when it comes down to it none of us are born better, more important or more worthy than anyone else on this earth and I think it's a dangerous game to think that we are, and particularly to teach our children that we are.

Babyroobs · 12/05/2021 00:38

@Goddamnroids

I think as we age we become less tolerant, and some people get quite crabby. When I became a mum I became far less compliant and people pleasing and a male work colleague told me I wasn’t as nice as I used to be. That’s tough isn’t it.

People who were nice are still inherently nice though. Most people who are unpleasant always have been

I agree with this. As I've got older I'm much less of a people pleaser and just say what I think now. I just don't want to stand for any crap like I would have done when I was younger. This may be interpreted by others as not being very nice. I'm also very easily irritated by others and I try not to let it show, but inevitably it does at times.
stayathomer · 12/05/2021 00:47

I think as we age we become less tolerant, and some people get quite crabby. When I became a mum I became far less compliant and people pleasing and a male work colleague told me I wasn’t as nice as I used to be.
This too. I used to be much much nicer, now tiredness and the general hamster wheel of life definitely has me more cranky (am 40). So I don't know whether we see the negative more, or we're at an age where everyone is more cranky. It's why when people on mn go on about their mil I think 'you'll probably be doing the same, nagging and pushing forward with opinions'. I find it horrendously sad that I'm surprised by niceness now, I used to be an eternal sunshiney optimist

Bunbunbunny · 12/05/2021 00:53

I'm actually trying to be less nice as I feel I've had mug written on my forehead and I'm sick of it.

I've stopped saying if you need help speak to me at work as people took the piss and I let them but no more. I hate the be kind motto as it keeps women in their boxes, I much prefer don't be an arsehole

steff13 · 12/05/2021 00:55

I am nice, and all of my friends are nice, and most of the people I encounter are nice. Although I will admit to a bit of a "Pollyanna" way of viewing the world. I smile and say hello to everyone I see, I frequently compliment strangers, etc.

I do frequently have people thank me for being nice at the end of their hearings (I conduct public assistance hearings for work), which leads me to believe that they expect people not to be nice to them.

Covid10lbs · 12/05/2021 01:01

@Babyroobs I liked facemasks for this reason, & will miss them, for this reason only. I agree with everything you are saying. My councillor said to ask internally 'what about me?'in the context of being a People Pleaser in a big family. I found it liberating. And not being a PP is not the same as not being nice - or maybe it is & neither are worth striving for...

@Goddamnroids because of course women should be 'nice'. My thoughts would be 'F*k off you manipulating f*ker' and hope that my mask was hiding my bared teeth. No. Years ago I would have fretted about this & tried to be extra 'nice' to him, because that was my default. Thank God that's over.

As I get older I'm stuck by the frailty of people. Often an aggressive manner can be a cover for stress/depression/anxiety. A very abrasive client can be worried, they are often quite socially isolated. The world can be a very frightening place if you do not have social supports, a secure job, a decent home. Covid has just been an extra layer of stress on a lot of people that were struggling to cope anyway

Welshcakes03 · 12/05/2021 01:13

@Namechangeme1

NC for this post.

Just that really. As I approach 40 im starting to see very mean sides to people that is making me not want to spend much time around them.

Not all people, but it's starting to become the vast majority. I'm not perfect by any means but slightly worried about approaching older age as a bitter recluse. I have a husband, very good close family and a handful of close friends but aside from that, people never cease to disappoint.

I'm struggling with it - are the majority of people outside your close circles not very nice or is it just mine?!

I agree. I don't speak to people anymore I avoid them if possible.
Wheresmybiscuit3 · 12/05/2021 01:34

No it’s not just you... for instance there’s a thread going on MN with people discussing how flat and low they are feeling at the moment. Seeking comfort and reassurance from each other. A couple of people have felt the need to write about how well they are doing instead. One even told everyone to cheer up. It’s not nice or needed. I’ve notice that kind of thing happens on mumsnet quite a lot actually. I don’t know why people do it. Must make them feel better about themselves.

MrsTroutfireVII · 12/05/2021 01:42

I think the issue is that we're told we should be nice so people pretend to be.

When I moved to the logistics sector (where I mainly deal with truckers, plant workers, mechanics, etc) I found it a bit jarring etc, but I soon realised it was just the lack of airs and graces. Most people who seem nice generally are became they're not doing it as a PR strategy.

MrsTroutfireVII · 12/05/2021 01:44

'Because' not 'became'.

PoleToPole · 12/05/2021 01:50

I think women are too concerned with nice. Everyone has different moralities, everyone has different ideas of what nice is, and all too often nice is just another stick to beat women and girls, to force compliance and to erode boundaries. I have very rarely heard a man worrying about whether he was nice or not. Kind fits into the same camp.

I think it would make for happier lives if people stopped worrying whether they were nice or not, and just aimed to do what they considered to be the right thing. Do the best you can with what you have, and don`t be a mug. Firm boundaries make for good relationships.

Coyoacan · 12/05/2021 01:59

Maybe we need to set the bar higher for ourselves and stop judging other people so much.

As it is, you will go from thinking that other people are not very nice, to not bothering to be nice yourself because other people aren't worth it and the whole world becomes that little bit more unpleasant

user1471453601 · 12/05/2021 02:02

I'm 70 now.

I try, but do not alwAys succeed, to be nice to people. I like to think that most others are like me. We try, we sometimes fail, usually because of circumstances not related to the particular circumstances of the here and now.

I try to remember this, if someone is less than pleasant to me.

I think most people are like me. Mainly benign,but sometimes other circumstances affect our behaviour for the worse.