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Original poster

To feel the majority of people are not very nice

199 replies

Namechangeme1 · 11/05/2021 23:49

NC for this post.

Just that really. As I approach 40 im starting to see very mean sides to people that is making me not want to spend much time around them.

Not all people, but it's starting to become the vast majority. I'm not perfect by any means but slightly worried about approaching older age as a bitter recluse. I have a husband, very good close family and a handful of close friends but aside from that, people never cease to disappoint.

I'm struggling with it - are the majority of people outside your close circles not very nice or is it just mine?!

OP posts:
JennyBees · 12/05/2021 10:57

Agree with OP. The older I get the wiser and less tolerant I get! 🙂 Why waste energy on people who doesn’t deserve your time?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/05/2021 11:00

In my experience, its those that make out that they're super nice that are actually the meanest. Those people who tell you they will do anything for anyone.

The standoffish are the ones who have your back.

I'm not the nicest person ever. I said the other day "if I ever get murdered, don't go on the news telling everyone how lovely I am, tell them I'm a dick".

TheVanguardSix · 12/05/2021 11:01

I think people are extraordinarily self-centred... nice enough, but being stars of their own show is the be-all and end-all for them. The Big Me Show. Totally self-absorbed.

RagzReturnsRebooted · 12/05/2021 11:07

I find people who are too 'nice' annoying, because it doesn't seem genuine or like my SIL it is genuine but done because they want to be liked and then get upset when others aren't as self sacrificing. Polite and friendly is appreciated and I try to be this way, but not at the expense of my own wellbeing because we are inherently selfish as that's just natural for survival.
I'm friendly and chatty with random strangers and will offer assistance any time I see the need. In my job I'm very compassionate and understanding and get good feedback from my patients. However, I don't have a reputation as being 'nice' among my friends, relatives etc as I'm also opinionated and outspoken and won't take crap, especially from men.
Both my Dad and DH used to joke that their friends were all scared of me, because I had perfected my withering glare (height helps here!) and no bullshit tone as a teenager. I've never been 'nice' to men just for an easy life or so that they don't think I'm a bitch, I really don't care if they do.

I'm also becoming more of an angry feminist with age, which I'm embracing.

Spectrumofhumanlife · 12/05/2021 11:07

@TheVanguardSix

I think people are extraordinarily self-centred... nice enough, but being stars of their own show is the be-all and end-all for them. The Big Me Show. Totally self-absorbed.
All people except you?
CallMeCleo · 12/05/2021 11:09

"I have a husband, very good close family and a handful of close friends but aside from that, people never cease to disappoint."

You're lucky!

My family are all toxic, my partner dumped me for a younger, slimmer model and my close friends turned out to be takers and fakers.

I now understand why women end up with just dogs and cats.

TheVanguardSix · 12/05/2021 11:12

All people except you?

Yes. Of course that's what I meant! Got it in one Spectrumofhumanlife. Hmm

TheVanguardSix · 12/05/2021 11:14

Spectrumofhumanlife you wrote:

Mean Girls is one of my all time favourite films. I often say ‘you can’t sit with us’ to DH when I’m pretending to be annoyed with him about something. I was 20 when it was released!

You probably shouldn't be on this thread.

PetuniaPot · 12/05/2021 11:20

If people are polite it's enough.

toocoldforsno · 12/05/2021 11:20

Yes, most people are awful, rude, and unnecessarily nasty.....But I'm a cow to most people I don't know

So really you mean YOU are awful, rude and nasty, and are somehow surprised when other people are the same back to you?

rosiedeus · 12/05/2021 11:32

I've thought about this, and the people I really can't stand are the ones that will do something "nice", usually to gain favour and then expect you to do similar back for them no matter how difficult or inconvenient to you, you

Ragwort · 12/05/2021 11:34

Interesting how people are so quick to accuse others of being unfriendly and unpleasant ....

I have two acquaintances who constantly moan that they haven't any friends, no one likes them, everyone is mean to them; they need to take a long hard look at themselves, everything I suggest as ways to meet people, get involved in activities is greeted with a negative response and they aren't willing to do anything to get out of their comfort zone. Fine - but don't then moan that they haven't any friends.

Woeismethischristmas · 12/05/2021 11:39

I think most people fall within a spectrum of niceness. 5% are varying degrees of arsehole, 5% are saintly.

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 12/05/2021 11:40

Ybnu wish the voting was enabled on this one.

funinthesun19 · 12/05/2021 11:45

I don’t like the people who constantly look for conflict with other people. I saw two people yelling at each other through their car windows yesterday, effing and blinding near my children’s school at pick up time. Absolutely pathetic behaviour.

Spectrumofhumanlife · 12/05/2021 12:16

@TheVanguardSix

Spectrumofhumanlife you wrote:

Mean Girls is one of my all time favourite films. I often say ‘you can’t sit with us’ to DH when I’m pretending to be annoyed with him about something. I was 20 when it was released!

You probably shouldn't be on this thread.

Why?
the80sweregreat · 12/05/2021 12:40

I am always polite in shops and if I'm out. If I have a query about something I'll be nice about it and I try to be pleasant generally
It's hard when others are just not though !
It's the attitude I can't bear.

Cheeseandlobster · 12/05/2021 13:50

@Alwaysablockednose I think I am from where you are too and I agreeSmile

AgeLikeWine · 12/05/2021 13:55

Naive idealism + life experience = cynicism.

Viviennemary · 12/05/2021 14:00

Not sure about being nice. But nearly everybody does whats best for themselves although they cover it up very well in a lot of cases. Took md many years to reslise this.

ButtercupSquash · 12/05/2021 14:19

I have a more positive view of humanity having grown older and moved two degrees south.

ButtercupSquash · 12/05/2021 14:30

I have a more positive view of humanity having grown older and moved two degrees south.

psychomath · 12/05/2021 14:39

@Echobelly

I think most people are fundamentally 'nice' and well meaning but also put themselves first, which is often fair enough.

I think assuming most people mean well has served me better than being cynical about them would have, I mean, I've never jumped to a negative conclusion about someone's actions and had a needless argument about it, for example.

I agree with this. I think most people (including me) are generally well meaning up to the point where doing the 'right' thing inconveniences them too much. A few are genuinely self-sacrificing and a few are actively unpleasant.

I don't think people are fundamentally more self-absorbed than in the past, but I do think society has changed in such a way that many of us are living more individualistic lives than we were say 50 or 100 years ago. That's not necessarily a bad thing either - if you're not a people person or are someone who finds it hard to fit in, it's probably easier to live life your own way without being judged nowadays (especially for women). But it means we've lost a lot of the benefits of having strong community networks too.

Dacquoise · 12/05/2021 14:44

I think we all live on our individual spectrums between selflessness, self care and selfishness. We can be selfless taking care of our children, assertive at work looking after our own interests when necessary and selfish eating that last bit of chocolate cake in the fridge when no ones looking. It's probably a good thing to move up and down the spectrum when and where necessary. The bad thing is to be permanently on either extreme.

MadMadMadamMim · 12/05/2021 14:50

I think the problem with modern life is that it's busy, tiring and stressful. And women in particular are often juggling home, job, family and friends.

I also think there is a very modern phenomena of 'fakeness' driven by reality tv and social media where people gush about OMG I love all these guys so much. We've become best friends and I genuinely think they are all so talented/so marvellous, etc If you watch reality shows everyone is SO humble, kind, generous of spirit and it's all such utter bollocks, really.

In real life too, people say Oh let us know if we can do anything to help without really meaning it. People trot out platitudes to make themselves look and sound caring and kind, but in reality have no intention of giving up a Sunday to have your kids/help you move house or whatever. People are generally wrapped up in their own lives and don't have the time or energy to spare for others.

It's too easy to say things, but rare that people will come through with kind offers if it puts them to any trouble.