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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister-in-law debates

19 replies

Mumtalk20 · 04/05/2021 17:28

Feel like my sister in law has to copy everything I do or anything my daughter has hers does too and its starting to annoy me.
Started walking to lose weight she's now been and brought walking Shoes aswell.
I've recently decided to try bike riding and now she's getting a bike 😩.
Am I being a cow ?
it just really grates on me she has to do the same or better than me

OP posts:

Nsky · 04/05/2021 17:29

Just ignore

Josette77 · 04/05/2021 17:30

Those examples seem pretty benign. Lots of people walk and bike especially in Covid.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/05/2021 17:32

Those examples seem like pretty low level imitations. Does it really impact on you that she’s decided she’d also like to lose weight and become fitter and healthier? Perhaps you inspired her?

Unless my SIL was actively making a decision to turn up at family weddings wearing an identical dress to spite me, or something which actually affected me (not that I’d really care that much about the dress, really, but that sort of thing) I can’t think why I’d mind even if she was actively copying. What difference does it actually make if you’re doing the same hobbies or driving the same car or going on holiday to the same destination?

Jamiefraserskilt · 04/05/2021 17:32

Just feed wrong info then tell her you changed your mind after she has bought one. I am looking to join x gym, I have heard good things about it. (Doesn't join gym just leaves leaflets around). I am investing in a treadmill (has no intention of buying a treadmill), I have heard fab feedback about x class/personal trainer, what do you think? (Ha no chance)

she will eventually get the message when her bank balance suffers.

Thinking about and looking into is not doing.

katy1213 · 04/05/2021 17:34

If she had to buy a gold Rolls Royce, I'd say you have a point - but a bike is hardly an exclusive mode of transport.
What the heck does it matter what she does? (Though I'd laugh if she loses more weight than you! That'll really peeve you.)

Cryalot2 · 04/05/2021 17:43

Jamiefraserskilt is a great idea. You could almost enjoy it (not that you would lol)
Drip feed some things you hate and watch her go.

ravelston · 04/05/2021 17:56

I get you op. I have someone like this and it is surprising how annoying someone copying you is and it's the little things that annoy me the most.
I like the idea of feeding her strange purchases then saying you changed your mind.

Aprilx · 04/05/2021 18:00

Perhaps she was thinking if it anyway or perhaps she just thought it was a good idea. I don’t see how it hurts you anyway, somebody else in the family is walking, oh no...

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 04/05/2021 18:04

I’d definitely have some fun with this.

TheChosenTwo · 04/05/2021 18:05

I’m sure there are other examples and not just losing weight and buying a bike but these on their own wouldn’t make me think anything

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 04/05/2021 18:07

get a pretend tattoo

Aquamarine1029 · 04/05/2021 18:10

You're being ridiculous. Basically, her major crimes have been deciding to walk for exercise and ride a bike. You do realise you can't make those activities exclusively yours, right? Honestly, you sound like a 12 year old.

Instead of being so miserable about it, why not take it as flattery or be happy for her that she wants to get healthier?

mamaatthegym · 04/05/2021 18:21

I’d be flattered - she probably admires you. If she really is copying it won’t be anything sinister.

HollowTalk · 04/05/2021 18:28

Do you like her? Could you do things with her rather than having her as an enemy?

ToniHargis · 04/05/2021 18:31

Just ignore it. I always feel sorry for people who do that.

Chloemol · 04/05/2021 18:31

Ever thought that she needs some incentive to lose weight and seeing you do it has helped? Instead of moaning, if you live near each othe4 why not walk/cycle together?

Be kinder

RiojaRose · 04/05/2021 18:36

I don’t really understand being annoyed if someone copies you - unless you don’t like them. That would be quite annoying.

TheChosenTwo · 04/05/2021 19:26

Just to add really, do you actually like her?
I only ask as it got me thinking about my relationship with my SILS (I have 5!) and we often do similar things based on what one of us has done and I don’t think anyone has ever felt remotely put out by any of it.
Eg someone says they went to x beach at the weekend, the following weekend one of us will message asking if anyone else fancies a trip to the same beach as we had forgotten about it and it was nice to be reminded of it and then some of us will go.
Or someone did a nice walk and tells us about it suggesting we all go together next time.
But we all like each other and are all close.
Maybe it’s different for you, I can’t imagine being pissed off about someone doing something I’d recently done!

Leeds2 · 04/05/2021 19:31

I don't really think it is all that unusual to see family/friend doing something positive, like bike riding or walking, and decide to do the same to kick start their health drive. Or if, say, your DD started Rainbows and was enjoying it so much that SIL decided to enrol niece as well.

I would feel differently if she was buying identical wallpaper, or clothing, I think.

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