To be anxious about birth no.2?

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Sorry this is tmi but I’m stressed!

First one was: 40+6 spontaneous labour, went to hospital at 41+0, G&A in pool until head turned odd angle and slow progression, epidural, failure to progress, hormone drip, spinal, episiotomy and forceps, split episiotomy and infection.

It’s healed ok, if I try and explain best I can; the episiotomy went from inside to my vagina to my butt cheek. The incision is healed as (pretty much) a straight line on the outside but I don’t think any stitches were used inside because for about 3-5cm inside there is a wide V shape (that wasn’t there before) which follows on from the line outside. It’s stitched up until the opening so the opening ‘feels’ very tight compared to my actual vagina.

I’ve got this horrible feeling that it’s just going to burst open during labour no.2 and what damage is/could that do?

Anyone who has had an episiotomy and is it like I describe above were you ok the second time? or has something gone wrong?

My midwife just said it’ll be easier next time and I’ll have to concentrate on stopping pushing to not tear but I honestly think it’ll fly open like the gates of hell when they start coming down past the pubic bone.

With DD1, I had similar to you. Episiotomy with an infection. Had to have surgery to resolve it, where they cut out the infected area and then stitched me back up.

With DD2, I had little time to worry about what was happening down there as she came out like a rocket. I did tear but in a different place to my Episiotomy (that goes diagonally from the entrance vagina towards my thigh.) Tear went between vagina and bum. Had a few stitches and healed a lot quicker than with DD1.

I had an big episiotomy with my first that didn't heal great and stitches came open , second birth the midwife mentioned she could see the scar from previous birth that was very big and she was going to have to do another episiotomy but it would be a lot smaller and a lot of care was put into stitching it up , the result now is that it is better than it was previously and healed much quicker , am pregnant with number 3 now and nervous about what will happen this time round

Similar boat to you and due soon so quite nervous, but I have heard of plenty of ladies that had no trouble so we might be ok!!!