Dear Santa,
Please wear a mask you are entering the houses of the MN population – that’s a hefty fine for every household when you get dobbed in for non-compliance
Hand santa-tiser (HO, HO, HO) has been provided by the chimney for use on your arrival
Please use the Zoflora anti-bac wipes provided on all presents as we don’t want to have to wait 48 hours to open our gifts – by 8.00 am Boxing Day we will have tree down, decos away and be online ordering more sales tat
A substantial scotch egg meal was purchased in order for you to consume your usual whiskey – however since now entering a higher tier we can offer take away service only, so please consume the mince pie and carrots provided in the comfort of your own sleigh
Can we make a substitution as board games are no longer appropriate – and have a heated picnic blanket size 2m plus for outdoor winter picnics
Anything else I should add ….