to think Swinging is disgusting? (long rant sorry)

[TanishasMum]

I have a problem with friends of ours that are into swinging - she even likes women iykwim?. The thing is, DH likes this couple and don't get me wrong they are a nice couple but I feel very uncomfortable around them especially her as she constantly talks about sex and what they get up to with other couples (makes me feel sick).

Anyway, we meet up with them once a month for a drink/meal and their DD is the same age as ours but AIBU to not want to bother with this couple anymore? My DH likes them though - I think her constant flirting flatters him she is rather big breasted and she asks him jokingly if he wants a feel . I am not exaggerating about this, she is the biggest flirt I have ever met in my life.

I think DH is more than happy to continue the friendship but I am not. I am defo not into swinging but I am wondering if my DH secretly wants to . So AIBU?

Not at all. Once a week if he is lucky - sometimes not even that but he has magazines which I don't mind about when I am not up for it

i like you tanisha, its like talking to myself. (which im used to)

dont have any answers for you im afraid, apart from putting something in his tea.

What a fucking odd thread.

It is extraordinarily common for a man to have a higher sex drive than his partner, often because for women there needs to be a mood whereas for men it can be purely physical.
(I'm not generalizing all men/women here, just many)

The key is respect, if your DH loves you and respects you then how much sex he is getting will not change the way he feels.

However, I personally beleive if he has to only have it when you want it then thats pretty unfair, a relationship is not a one-way street, nor is sex.
Maybe you should make more of an effort to liven up your sex life, that dont include other people.

Or send him on here and tell him to start a thread asking 'How do I make my wife want to have sex with me and enjoy sex with me more often' Unfortunately many men are clueless as to how to get it better in the bedroom.

Did you give EricL their address ROFL

Interesting "do you give him sex"

We the long suffering females who give our rampant males sex

I am in favour of bringing in modern day harems that are safe sex orientated and everyone can bonk to their satisfaction... or not whatever the case.

Lorayn - so you are suggesting I am being unfair for not wanting sex with my DH when I am not in the mood ..? My DH wants it every day so what if I am ILL, WORKING, STRESSED, LOOKING AFTER KIDS?? Am I still supposed to do IT with him? Lorayn you are a bloke right?

No, I am suggesting that maybe your husbands needs are just as important as yours.
I also suggested maybe your husband needs to understand how to make you feel in the mood as a lot of them are aboslutely shite and think a grab of the ole knockers and a quick kiss on the cheek means they're in for a good night.
I'm not a man, no, but I do understand that my DP has needs, wants and desires, he also understands that I have to feel happy, relaxed, loved, comfortable, appreciated and most of all sexy to want to have sex with him.

Oh dear.

I can't think of anything more embarrassing, or less erotic than swinging. We are sexual beings and I can understand how people of either sex can be tempted to have sex with some one other than their regular partner; that's quite human. But swinging is so contrived, and does not seem to be based on any desire for intimacy.

it is a bizarre thread...

ElasticWoman - totally agree.

tanisha - if your dh wants sex every day and you want it once a week then there is a problem in your marriage. Though that is rather obvious from your previous postings. That problem needs to be fixed. that does not mean that you need to accept having sex every day, but nor does it mean him accepting only having sex once a week because that is all you wnat. Maybe instead of talking so scathingly about other peoples sexual choices on an internet forum, you should talk to your husband about your own sex life.

And I do know what i'm talking about. Post children, and post depression, my sex drive plummeted and dh and I had similar problems of differeing desires. but rather than treating him like a pervert because he wanted to shag me, I traeted him like the man I loved, married and promised to be with forever, and worked with him to sort out our issues. In our case this meant some restarint from him, some effort from me, and putting in place things to give me space and time to remember how to be sexual being again.

well put prufrock.

Prufrock, brilliant post.

I think the OP has been totally rattled by the swinging thing thrust in her face and is on the defensive-offensive.

lorayn;

give up.

its a wind up and getting more boring by the minute.

prufrock - so you are the expert on sexual relationships? So - I am wrong only wanting it once a week??? giving it to my DH once a week when he wants it every day is SO wrong right? - You must be a bloke right ?

So, this swinging woman open flirts with your dh but her swinging male partner does not flirt with you? Is that the situation?

In your shoes that alone would make me cross, never mind anything else.

Here you are, in the company of a male swinger, whose wife is openly flirting with your husband and yet this male swinger is just not reacting and is apparently showing you no direct interest. I'd be really annoyed with him. He is being really ineffectual allowing his partner to make you feel so ill at ease.

I know you say that both of them have told you they want a swinging relationship with you and your dh, but the flirting seems all angled towards your dh, from what I can gather.

Yes - I'm the expert - didn't you know I am often called pro-fuck on here?

Tigermoth - rofl - as so often you see through the crap and get to the heart of the problem.

i dont know whether this is a true thread or not.

I think if both partners are TRUELY ok about swinging then go for it, but if there are reservations then leave well alone. In fact i would err on the leave well alone side. Imagine how many sexual partners these people will have had, even practicing "safe " sex is going to be risky imo. As for the psychological scars. I dont believe swinging has a place in a normal healthy relationship, well not for me anyway.

I wouldnt neccesarily judge those who do it, but it wouldnt really pull my chain, and anyway, have you ever watched programs on the telly about swinging, they are all MINGERS!!!

wind up central here lol

lol prufruck/pro fuck!

tigermoth - You obviously haven't read all of the thread but yes he does want to swing with me . I do not.

i'm just hanging around hoping to be told i'm a man

tigermoth, perhaps they BOTH fancy the DH, wont he get his cumuppance if they decide to go for it, and his three in the bed session doesnt quite have the dynamic he was hoping for

Yes, I gathered he wanted to swing with you, but no mention I could see that he flirts with you. You talk about how the woman flirts with your dh but AFAIK do not say if this man is actively flirting with you at the same time. I have read this thread quickly but that's the impression I got.