to think Swinging is disgusting? (long rant sorry)

[TanishasMum]

I have a problem with friends of ours that are into swinging - she even likes women iykwim?. The thing is, DH likes this couple and don't get me wrong they are a nice couple but I feel very uncomfortable around them especially her as she constantly talks about sex and what they get up to with other couples (makes me feel sick).

Anyway, we meet up with them once a month for a drink/meal and their DD is the same age as ours but AIBU to not want to bother with this couple anymore? My DH likes them though - I think her constant flirting flatters him she is rather big breasted and she asks him jokingly if he wants a feel . I am not exaggerating about this, she is the biggest flirt I have ever met in my life.

I think DH is more than happy to continue the friendship but I am not. I am defo not into swinging but I am wondering if my DH secretly wants to . So AIBU?

Actually I was thinking about this and what you should do is next time she wiggles her wongas in your face, chuck an osteopaths business card down there and say 'he'll sort you out love, you must get awful backache with those puppies hanging round your neck all day'

sueb.

dont go. i dont get alot of people sending me smiley faces.

i normally get these...

or these.....

and alot of these....

I havent read everything, I sort or rolled my eyes slightly and sped to the top when I saw it starting to derail just ever so slightly.

This couple does not sound great. I understand it must be unnerving to feel pressurized into a sexual situation with people you dont really fancy having sex with.
Especially if it seems your husband might be keen. In my opinion, this could only be a good idea if all four people involved thought so, quite on their own volition.

I know 2 couples who swing & they are both perfectly discreet - until the dws got a bit pissed on a night out & it came out in conversation.

By all accounts there are fairly strict protocols about NOT upsetting non-swingers, not hassling people, not creating potential misunderstandings: generally not upsetting the applecart by creating offence!

Your friends just sound rude tbh, & as if they haven't read the 'rules' - I'm sure you're not supposed to wave your norks in someone else's dh's face without a pretty unambiguous green light.

Well quite. Because someone is a swinger doesn't mean it's OK for them to behave rudely and persist in heavy flirting when they've been asked to back off (any more than it's OK for anyone you meet to keep flirting or making advances when you're backing away, not responding or have asked outright for them to leave you alone). Lots of swingers are nice people with good manners who wouldn't dream of annoying or upsetting other people like this. Behaviour like this woman's would be regarded as a bit iffy even in the middle of a swinging club with group sex going on all around the room: the golden rule is, if someone doesn;t want to play with you, accept it politely and leave them alone.

Thanks for those of you that replied sensibly. I have had a good chat with my DH and told him I know longer wish to meet up with this couple as they constantly talk about sex and she (in particular) is very disrespectful.

He said I am overeacting and said he has made it clear that we are not interested, however I pointed out they still persist with the sex talk & her flirting - I really don;t need this shit in my life. I told him to F - off and go swing if he wants but I want no part in it. I can feel a divorce coming on.

WhoMoved - I should have known my nemesis would start causing problems! I shall at you in a passive-aggressive sort of way...

Disappears in a flash of vanilla non-waving of norks

You are perfectly entitled to feel any way you want about swinging. You are also entitled to not want to give the impression that you would be willing to consider it - or would stay with your husband if he went for it!

However, it is up to each person what they do, so ...

Swinging is disgusting - YABU, consenting adults choose for themselves. Other people's choices are theirs to make and not yours to judge.

You are personally disgusted by the idea of you swinging...YANBU. You are entitled to your feelings and other people should respect your choices and feelings about things that are to do with you and not try to make you do something you do not want to do.

This is obviously a 'dealbreaker' for you. (marriage ender!) Lay your cards on the table and give your husband a choice. You can't control what he wants to do - even though he's your husband, you really can't. BUT you can ensure that he knows the consequences.

OH DEAR GOD MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES

Thanks so much for the granny porn link. I was able to rechew the omlette I had for lunch.

Go swing.

I like that

I have a friend who is a swinger and is quite open about it - amongst his friends, I doubt his work colleagues know!

He is good looking.

I read the Op and probably about half of this, so may ahve missed some answers.

I dont know if the thread is a joke or not, but can understand some people could have this problem or even simply just have a flirtatious friend which annoys them, so am going to answer as if it is real.

Swingers does not mean 'We are going to gang up on you with your husband and make you fuck us' it means 'we are a couple who enjoy consenting sex with other adults'. So I wouldnt be so sure that they would want to swing with you anyway, FWIW, If they often mention swinging to you and havent asked you, it's unlikely they want to.

Doing something sexually which is consenting, no matter how you feel about it, is not disgusting merely not to your taste.

Have you and your DP never discussed fantasies?? I knwo that DP would be horrified at the thought of swinging, there are things I and he would not try but have place in fantasyland that we have discussed, so surely you should know your husbands fantasies?

If you do like this couple, then tell them the sex talk offends you and could they not get into it when you meet, you can also tell the lady that you dont appreciate her asking DH to 'cop a feel', though it seems to me she is joking rather than deadly serious.

Sexual attraction is sexual attraction, doesnt matter who or how many you do it with, there has to be something there.

And for the person who said it was being unfaithful, I assume the couples dont see it the same way as there is no deciet, no pretence and no offence.

Lorayn - They have made it VERY clear they are interested in swinging with us. This couple are not people either myself or DH have been friends with for a long time - they are friends of friends.

They have asked us on many occasions if we would swing, do we fancy the same sex sorry if I am shocked but I just am.

What worries me is she has made it clear she fancies my DH, BUT asks me (when its just us) if I would a) go with her DH and b) would I ever consider going with a women - this really worries me. She makes me feel uncomfortable and that is that.

I think my DH fancies her though and I think its more to do with the fact she is VERY open sexually and I am not.

All I want is a relationship with ONE man that fancies me and loves me for who I am - sadly I think DH is looking for a bit more excitement .

I am REALLY regretting we bumped into this couple.

tanisha. just don;t speak to them, answer their calls, or repsond to them in anyway

if they won;t take no for an answer then bin them!

Tanishasmum, I see you say you have spoken to Dh about this, I can udnerstand he may find it flattering and may like the company of this couple, but if he respects you and your decision then he will stand by you.

There is nothing wrong with feeling uncomforatble when someone discusses something that is not to your liking, I just think amybe the way you worded the OP seemed intolerant?

If dh still wants to see this couple then go along, and make a big hoohah about how much you ahte them and never want to see them again, I'm sure he'll follow you as you leave and they'll get the message (not very productive I know, but ti does stop pressure )

tanisha.

im sorry but i just dont believe you. (not that you care, i know)

would these people really be this forward?

and would your dh behave like this in frount of you. ?

if this is true im afraid your marriage is on the rocks.

talulasmum, some people really are this forward! I've met some people who have been openly sexual and happy to let everyone know exactly what they do/are up for.

I wouldnt go so far as to say her marriage is on the rocks either! Sometimes things occur which we were not expecting to be presented with and have to work through them, surely thats what a good marriage is about?

talula it is true and yes I dont care if you believe me or not.

The problem I have is my DH is a very highly sexed person and I am not. The swingers are highly sexed and I am not.

I think the swingers have planted a seed in DH's head and now I am perceived as the boring one. Do you know what - the sad thing is though I really don't care anymore.

if I could afford to move out and buy rent my own house I would. Sorry I am going off on another subject here.

sounds like your relationship with your DH is the issue, and the swinging issue has brought things to a head. so sort things out with DH ( or not ) but not fair to blame them for putting ideas in his head, if it is in his head, it was there already..

maybe lorayn, ive just never met any. but if my dh was happy to continue seeing people like this id be worried.

i think you need to have a long talk with your dh if he is as easily derailed from your relationship..or indeed if you both are, this should be something which can just be laughed off and you don't see them again if your relationship was ok

every relationship needs input from bioth and compromises along the way..think you need to find out how you can make each other both happy maybe this is an opportunity for an open discussion which can only be a good thing

talulasmum - yes, people are this forward -although I have to admit this particular couple in question are the only ones I have ever met.

tanisha.

can i ask you a personel question.

how often does your dh want sex?

Every day. Why??

do you give it to him everyday?