Am I being unreasonable to expect husband to cancel his holiday?

[Bruce123]

Hi
I have had a melanoma in situ removed from my leg and need further surgery to ensure the margins are big enough and a skin graft to cover the hole. Date of surgery clashes with husbands’ walking trip away with his mate. He postponed once due to Covid and had to rearrange from Wales to Cotswolds because of lockdown restrictions. I can’t postpone surgery because surgeon is coming off his holidays to clear his backlog. I am not supposed to walk and keep the leg elevated for the first few days after surgery. Am reliant on 15 year old (anorexic) daughter who is stropping/ refusing to offer get up before midday to feed cats/ make me breakfast.

Am I being unreasonable in asking my husband to consider postponing his holiday? He is saying he won’t do so. Am feeling very hurt as this whole marriage ceremony, I am sure, mentioned something about in sickness and in health...

Are you unreasonable to think your husband shouldn't go on holiday while you have surgery? No. Why the hell would someone swan off on holiday while someone they love is going something so horrible?

Oh, I usually find myself on the husband's side on these things but not this time, he should definitely be there for you. I can't think of any circumstance when it's ok for him to go.

Mind you, I be hurt by and furious with DD too.

No, you are not being unreasonable. I wonder why the holiday is so important to him. Do you know why?

Um, he's being a complete prick. Skin grafts are very painful and you will need help.

That’s incredibly upsetting for you
I’d be furious

Why would you need to ask him to cancel? He should be doing it automatically as he needs to be at home to help you.

Am I being unreasonable?

You’re not being unreasonable at all

What earthly reason has he managed to come up with for not canceling?

Your DH is being a twat. He shouldn’t need to be asked. I’d expect him to be immediately insisting he’d be home to look after you!

Not unreasonable at all. A couple of years ago my wife was called into hospital for surgery without any notice ("be here in 2 hours") the evening before I was due to go on a walking (pub) weekend with my friends. I had cancelled my place on the weekend within 5 minutes of her getting the call.

You are not being unreasonable at all. He should absolutely cancel his holiday.

NBAtAllU.
Horrible knob, let him bugger off for his walk!
I'd there anyone who could stay a week?

Ok... but if he cancels and is resentful about it, then he will not be looking after me in a loving way. He will be doing it under duress. Then I will be dealing with a painful surgery AND a sulking, resentful husband.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. My husband wouldn't even consider leaving me in those circumstances. No decent person would.

What a knobber. YANBU.

I'd be pretty annoyed with your DD tbh.

Nope not being unreasonable at all.

Your husband is being unreasonable, but so is your daughter.

Why does he think he shouldn't cancel? How does he expect you to manage?

Tell him to carry on walking and not come back, selfish git.

If you can't count on him to be there when you need care after surgery, what is the point of him?

Tonicwaterparty: the fact that a bloke has had the same experience and cancelled immediately makes me think my husband’s moral compass is way out of whack. Am now questioning our whole relationship dynamic.

You are not being unreasonable

You’re husband is being massively self centred. It’s surgery, how are you even getting home? Driving I would imagine be painful and not recommended.

@Bruce123

Tonicwaterparty: the fact that a bloke has had the same experience and cancelled immediately makes me think my husband’s moral compass is way out of whack. Am now questioning our whole relationship dynamic.

Yes, you should be, TBH