Am I being unreasonable to expect husband to cancel his holiday?

[Bruce123]

Hi
I have had a melanoma in situ removed from my leg and need further surgery to ensure the margins are big enough and a skin graft to cover the hole. Date of surgery clashes with husbands’ walking trip away with his mate. He postponed once due to Covid and had to rearrange from Wales to Cotswolds because of lockdown restrictions. I can’t postpone surgery because surgeon is coming off his holidays to clear his backlog. I am not supposed to walk and keep the leg elevated for the first few days after surgery. Am reliant on 15 year old (anorexic) daughter who is stropping/ refusing to offer get up before midday to feed cats/ make me breakfast.

Am I being unreasonable in asking my husband to consider postponing his holiday? He is saying he won’t do so. Am feeling very hurt as this whole marriage ceremony, I am sure, mentioned something about in sickness and in health...

[MinesAPintOfTea]

Also even minor surgery can have complications and require hospital stays. What happens to the 15yo with MH problems so severe that she was hospitalised last year if you can't get home and your "D"H is off on holiday?

It's rubbish, and everyone is having a shit year, but he needs to step up.

[Bruce123]

Well...I told him how I felt and that he should step up and stop pressurising DD. He wants a divorce and is sleeping downstairs tonight.

[Bruce123]

Any advice ? Stay put in house??

[lakesidewinter]

He really is a grade one tool.
I wouldn't be leaving the house.
I can't see it being in either you or your dd's best interests.

[MustardMitt]

I don't think anyone has said that the daughter should take the place of the husband. I think it's been said that she also needs to agree to stop being so selfish and help her mother.

FWIW I agree. It reminds me of when my mum had a hysterectomy, I had to come home from uni (it was summer hols but I had a job) and look after her as my sister who lived within walking distance refused to help at all.

[MitziK]

So as you're getting divorced, no harm in losing your keys whilst he's on holiday and having to change the locks.

As he's not coming back, apparently.

[NoSquirrels]

@Bruce123

Well...I told him how I felt and that he should step up and stop pressurising DD. He wants a divorce and is sleeping downstairs tonight.

What a wanker.

Book a hotel. DD can feed cats. It’s just a few days, right?

[Feedingthebirds1]

Tell him he's welcome to go, but not to bother coming back.

To get you through, hire a private nurse for a few days

kinkaidprivatecare.com/

www.carenearme.co.uk/nursing-care/

DD might step up, or she may not, or if she feels out of control her anorexia may worsen. Then you'd need the nurse for both of you.

[Feedingthebirds1]

Sorry OP, I was busy finding private nurses and x-posted.

[notapizzaeater]

All because he's a selfish twat whose holiday is more important than you and DD

[NailsNeedDoing]

Only read your posts OP.

Did you do anything to try and work out a way that he could still have his trip while you were still catered for after having surgery? Maybe all it would have taken is an acknowledgement that his holiday was very important to him after it’s already been changed during what has undoubtedly been a shit year for everyone. I think in your position I’d try everything to alter your appointment ( I know you said it can’t be done, but at least asking would show that you care that something important was being taken away from your husband) or get friends and family to help out for a few days.

[Littleposh]

Change the locks while he fucks off on his all important walk.

Surely this friend can put him up for a bit as he's obviously so much more important than your life.

[TanquerayTickles]

I have often told my Husband that he's missing a 'sensitivity chip', but if I was having any kind of surgery at all, minor or major, I can say hand on heart that he would cancel any plans he had to help look after me and/or the family, teenage daughter or not.

I'm sorry he's threatened divorce over this, but I would absolutely call his bluff on it. What a cruel way to be to someone you claim to love.

I hope your surgery goes well xx

[Feedingthebirds1]

He wants a divorce and is sleeping downstairs tonight.

Are you absolutely, 100%, sure this is a walking holiday?

[Bruce123]

It’s not a threat. He’s serious about the divorce.

[NoSquirrels]

If he’d rather divorce you than change his plans whilst you recover from surgery, there’s really no coming back from that.

I’m sorry

[ineedaholidaynow]

Seriously @NailsNeedDoing. A walking holiday takes precedent over surgery.

[MrsClatterbuck]

@NailsNeedDoing

Only read your posts OP.

Did you do anything to try and work out a way that he could still have his trip while you were still catered for after having surgery? Maybe all it would have taken is an acknowledgement that his holiday was very important to him after it’s already been changed during what has undoubtedly been a shit year for everyone. I think in your position I’d try everything to alter your appointment ( I know you said it can’t be done, but at least asking would show that you care that something important was being taken away from your husband) or get friends and family to help out for a few days.

Are you for real. There is a ton of people waiting for surgery or consultations due to the delays from Covid. The fact they are doing the surgery now means they don't want to delay. Who in their right mind would delay an operation to remove a cancerous tumour. Melanoma is serious and it needs dealt with now not when it is more convenient for her asshole husband. As they say around here you need to catch yourself on.

[Ccccchanges]

YANBU - I find it strange that your husband doesnt want to be there. This exact thing happened to my mum and my father was there 24/7 including changing dressings etc.

I hope you’re ok, and swift recovery after the op.

[Nanny0gg]

@NailsNeedDoing

Only read your posts OP.

Did you do anything to try and work out a way that he could still have his trip while you were still catered for after having surgery? Maybe all it would have taken is an acknowledgement that his holiday was very important to him after it’s already been changed during what has undoubtedly been a shit year for everyone. I think in your position I’d try everything to alter your appointment ( I know you said it can’t be done, but at least asking would show that you care that something important was being taken away from your husband) or get friends and family to help out for a few days.

I think you missed one...

[Nanny0gg]

I'm sorry OP.

Have you any other RL support at all?

[WinterSunglasses]

@Bruce123 I'd have to agree that if he's willing to say divorce if he can't have his walking holiday on those exact dates (he could still rearrange it again) then you're better off without him. Tell him to go ahead, your eyes have been opened now. I still wouldn't rule out this being the ultimate bluff to get you to back down now you've taken a stand. But the only way to deal with it in any case is to call him on it. Stay put in the house. He's the one acting up, he can go if that's how he feels.

[greyinganddecaying]

Wow - what an arse. There's no coming back from this is there?

[MoonJelly]

@Bruce123

Well...I told him how I felt and that he should step up and stop pressurising DD. He wants a divorce and is sleeping downstairs tonight.

He wants a divorce because you suggested he should support his wife with melanoma?

Tell him to move out now. He's clearly not going to support you, so you have nothing to lose.