Am I being unreasonable to expect husband to cancel his holiday?

[Bruce123]

Hi
I have had a melanoma in situ removed from my leg and need further surgery to ensure the margins are big enough and a skin graft to cover the hole. Date of surgery clashes with husbands’ walking trip away with his mate. He postponed once due to Covid and had to rearrange from Wales to Cotswolds because of lockdown restrictions. I can’t postpone surgery because surgeon is coming off his holidays to clear his backlog. I am not supposed to walk and keep the leg elevated for the first few days after surgery. Am reliant on 15 year old (anorexic) daughter who is stropping/ refusing to offer get up before midday to feed cats/ make me breakfast.

Am I being unreasonable in asking my husband to consider postponing his holiday? He is saying he won’t do so. Am feeling very hurt as this whole marriage ceremony, I am sure, mentioned something about in sickness and in health...

[perfumeistooexpensive]

You're having cancer surgery. What would his friends say if they knew? I would also expect a 15 year old to help you, without question.

[cameocat]

YABU - you should let him go on his walking holiday and tell him to keep on walking and not return.

Sorry, wrong time to make a joke of it but honestly he sounds very uncaring. No wonder your daughter is too, he's not exactly modelling kindness.

Poor you OP. Do you have a friend who could help?

[glassshoes]

You are being entirely reasonable. You don't say whether your daughter is also his, and how unwell she is with anorexia at present. He is entirely unreasonable to leave you for a holiday when you need him most, and also (potentially) to leave the parenting of his unwell daughter entirely up to you when you are unwell yourself. Honestly, I would consider this a relationship deal breaker.

[glassshoes]

You are being entirely reasonable. You don't say whether your daughter is also his, and how unwell she is with anorexia at present. He is entirely unreasonable to leave you for a holiday when you need him most, and also (potentially) to leave the parenting of his unwell daughter entirely up to you when you are unwell yourself. Honestly, I would consider this a relationship deal breaker.

[nosswith]

You are only asking for a postponement of a month maximum.

I am surprised there are four people who think this reasonable, assuming that they pressed the correct option.

[chipsandpeas]

if he doesnt cancel let him go but dont let him back in

[Mmn654123]

Book yourself into a post operative convalescent care facility and enjoy being looked after - nice ones have spa treatments and restaurant level dining and nurses/physios to support your recovery.

If your husband and daughter are both being selfish, time to spend some family money on your essential needs.

[FreshFreesias]

Both daughter and husband are being unbelievably selfish.

[thinkingaboutLangCleg]

Your husband and daughter are both behaving disgracefully. He’s the adult, so he should step up and cancel his holiday. How could anyone enjoy a holiday under those circumstances anyway?

for you, and I hope it all goes well.

[museumum]

You are absolutely not unreasonable at all.
Your dh should absolutely stay and care for you. He is allowed to be sad about missing the holiday, particularly as we’re all missing / cancelling so much right now that we were looking forward to but he should absolutely not sulk or take it out on you.
Will his friends not postpone again? My dh would definitely stay home with me but tbh his friends would probably offer to reschedule or at least do something else at a later date to make it up.

[isadoradancing123]

They are both totally out of order, your husband definitely, however also your daughter, at fifteen this is totalky unacceptable, i would be rethinking things like her phone, spends, lifts, and many other things

[Mellonsprite]

I’m sorry for you, neither DH or DD are offering you any support. He absolutely should be cancelling his walking trio, he should be volunteering to do it too.

[Nousernameforme]

So you asked him and he refused? I don't know if it's worth ending the relationship over but I don't think I could forget that and it would breed resentment in me.

[PolytheneHam]

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Your husband and your daughter are being very selfish abd I'm angry on your behalf!

[FunTimes2020]

Hmmm I would be a bit pissed off if I was your DH and cancelled because our teen DD was being selfish. Neither of them are sounding too great. I feel for you and hope your surgery goes well. In an ideal world it would be great to call on some local MNers to help. If you were near me I would be very happy to do so.

[rwalker]

Difficult without knowing how extensive surgery is. But TBH when I'm ill i just want to be alone .
Minor surgery I would let him go major surgery ask him to stay.

[EarlGreyJenny]

YADNBU. How would he feel if the situation was reversed?

[Bruce123]

My other daughter (18) has offered to take me to and from the surgery but she has to go to Uni immediately afterwards, hence younger daughter and I will be left to cope.

Yes I suppose he does have a quite unsympathetic disposition- examples- he left his brother to cope with a broken arm as a teenager. And when older daughter was sent home from school with a sore wrist, he picked her up from school at 11am and I came home from work at 6pm to discover she hadn’t been taken to A and E. I did so and x rays showed she had broken her wrist

[JenniferSantoro]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this without your husband’s support. It’s shocking that he wouldn’t, of his own volition, cancel his holiday and look after you. You’re not asking for anything out of the ordinary, just basic human kindness from the one person who should give it willingly. Good luck with your op💐

[Nousernameforme]

What is he like if he is sick or injured?

[Iwonder777]

You're not wrong

He's being a prick

[EarlGreyJenny]

Lovely that people are suggesting outside help, and normally great, but global pandemic anyone?