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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my husband to use my car to teach his son to drive?

205 replies

Bengal12 · 11/07/2020 20:11

My stepson is taking driving lessons and my husband assumed I would be OK with him using my car to supplement the teaching.
His car is automatic and mine is manual which is what my DSS is learning to drive.
I love my stepson dearly but I think he should learn in the learner vehicle with the instructor. I am not overly precious about my car (a small runaround) but I intend to keep it for the next 8-10 years as I don’t drive much and don’t want to have an awkward situation If anything goes wrong with the clutch etc. I can tell that DH is v disappointed but I even get annoyed when my husband who is not used to driving manual any more stalls it or delays changing gear and ends up revving it up too much. I’ve paid for some of my DSS’s driving lessons but I just don’t want him - or anyone else - using my car as a learner vehicle.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 11/07/2020 20:15

Blimey it's just a car, be a bit more generous

mineallmine · 11/07/2020 20:16

Aw, I think that's a bit mean, OP, sorry. My DH and I both have automatic cars and my ds will learn to drive on my dad's (manual) car. It didn't even cross my mind that my dad would mind, and he didn't. I presume your DSS has had some lessons already so is unlikely to wreck your clutch? I think you should allow this, I really do. It's just a car at the end of the day.

dementedpixie · 11/07/2020 20:16

if you did you'd need to add him to your insurance which could be expensive. I was never allowed to use my parents' car for driving. Doesn't have dual controls too which the instructor's car will have

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2020 20:16

I don’t drive much and don’t want to have an awkward situation If anything goes wrong with the clutch etc.

If someone does happen, which it probably won't, why would it be awkward? Your husband would have to pay for the repair.

frazzledasarock · 11/07/2020 20:17

I can understand that. Why doesn’t your husband get a small cheap runaround to teach him in?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 11/07/2020 20:18

I expect you'll have to have both your DH and DSS on the insurance which could be costly.

MsVestibule · 11/07/2020 20:19

Can you compromise and allow him to get some extra practice in, in the run up to his test? By that time, he should be a fairly competent driver and unlikely to damage the clutch.

Pollypocket89 · 11/07/2020 20:19

I don't think yabu, it's OK saying its just a car but I know I wouldn't have money to fix mine at the drop of a hat if something did go wrong. I wouldn't like the presumption either.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/07/2020 20:21

Nope, I wouldn't agree to this either. Even for my own dc.

What s the cost of adding him to insurance?

Driving lessons twice per week is sufficient to learn.

Backbackandforth · 11/07/2020 20:21

I’m same as PP - never allowed to undertake lessons in my folk’s car as the additional premium was around 400 odd extra a month. Maybe it’s cheaper now but it’ll still be a jump - maybe use that as a gentler (but entirely as justified) reason?

PenCreed · 11/07/2020 20:22

You get annoyed when people stall? I think you need to relax a bit! He'll pass his test much sooner if he has the additional practice, and you don't need to be there to see any errors - get your DH to supervise. You're being weird about this.

BobbieDraper · 11/07/2020 20:26

@Backbackandforth

£400 extra A MONTH!? What the hell kind of car did your parents drive?

WhiteCat1704 · 11/07/2020 20:28

Insurance cost is the biggest issue. That makes it often unfeasible to let teenagers use your car to learn.
I had SD added to mine but it was a work car so didn't need to pay extra..but if not for that we wouldn't have added her..it costs a fortune.

angelaEhen · 11/07/2020 20:29

Seems a bit mean

surreygoldfish · 11/07/2020 20:30

YABU, all learners need practice in addition to with a driving instructor, just make sure they’ve had some lessons beforehand so not a total beginner.

GrumpyHoonMain · 11/07/2020 20:32

Your car your rules. If your DH doesn’t like it he can buy his son a run around car. By the way people with provisional licenses get the cheapest car insurance deals as they cannot drive without supervision - so it wouldn’t be about cost but OP’s convenience and that matters.

Dotinthecity · 11/07/2020 20:32

He's not just your husband's son, he's your step son. Surely you're a family. It seems very mean spirited not to share your car for a few lessons.

Louise91417 · 11/07/2020 20:33

I think you being mean..

Janleverton · 11/07/2020 20:34

You can get learner driver insurance really cheaply. You insure the driver as an additional policy separate to your own. Veygo is one provider we’ve been looking at. Basically can pay for 2 hour slots which are around £7 on my manual.

It’s much more expensive once they pass - because up to then they always have to have an adult with them = less chance of going nuts.

LittleDonk · 11/07/2020 20:35

Have they even checked to see if he would be covered on the insurance?

I'd be concerned about your husband helping teach someone to drive a manual when he himself drives an auto and gets in a muddle when driving a manual.

ekidmxcl · 11/07/2020 20:35

I can’t really see the problem. I can imagine your h is pretty fed up as the car is there and dss isn’t allowed to drive it. He’ll pass much quicker with daily practice with his dad and this semi lockdown situation seems to be a great opportunity for them to go out. It’s very unlikely to cause damage to your car.

janj2301 · 11/07/2020 20:39

Both my daughters learnt on our automatic car, they have authomatic liscences, no problems at all

TemperedFursAndSpangledBoots · 11/07/2020 20:40

I think yanbu if he has literally had one or two lessons but yabu if he is close to test standard. By that point it won't even be 'learning' as such- he will have learnt with the instructor but could drive your car just for some extra practice. When he has had more lessons, could you maybe go out with him, rather than his dad? Sounds like you have a good relationship with him and that you could perhaps really help him out.

It's been a rubbish time for learning to drive- my test was booked for early April then lockdown happened. Long backstory with me being very anxious about learning, then I nearly got there, and then lockdown happened. Who knows what this Autumn/winter will be like, and if lessons will have to stop again, so it might be really good for him to get the practice if you could help him?

whatnow41 · 11/07/2020 20:40

I'd suggest he uses your husbands automatic. Yes it's different but will give him an opportunity to really concentrate on manoeuvres, steering etc without worrying about the clutch and changing gears. I used many different cars while learning to drive and loved using a diesel because of the sheer inability to stall. Gave me loads of confidence when trying to parallel park.

Sophiesdog2020 · 11/07/2020 20:41

Insurance cost is the biggest issue.

No it isn’t. Learners can now be insured to drive a parents car using a specific learner driver policy, completely separate to parents policy. They don’t need to go on parents policy at all.

Learner policies can be bought for any duration between a week and 5 months. Look up marmalade, but there are other providers.

YABU Op, both mine got loads of practice in our cars, from days after they turned 17, and it made learning much easier for them. DS was driving our large estate within a month of starting lessons, it’s still running 5.5 yrs later with no damage done.

Would you feel differently if he was your own son Op? I bet you would!