To not allow my husband to use my car to teach his son to drive?

[Bengal12]

My stepson is taking driving lessons and my husband assumed I would be OK with him using my car to supplement the teaching.
His car is automatic and mine is manual which is what my DSS is learning to drive.
I love my stepson dearly but I think he should learn in the learner vehicle with the instructor. I am not overly precious about my car (a small runaround) but I intend to keep it for the next 8-10 years as I don’t drive much and don’t want to have an awkward situation If anything goes wrong with the clutch etc. I can tell that DH is v disappointed but I even get annoyed when my husband who is not used to driving manual any more stalls it or delays changing gear and ends up revving it up too much. I’ve paid for some of my DSS’s driving lessons but I just don’t want him - or anyone else - using my car as a learner vehicle.
Thoughts?

[trappedbytheangel]

YABVVVVVVVU

[PigletJohn]

He needs to learn on a manual gearbox.

[SandyY2K]

All my friends whose kids are driving have let them practice in their cars. I thought it was then norm to be honest.

The big difference is this is her stepson....so not the same relationship.

I don't see that she would have posted if it was her own DS.

I learnt to drive when I was in Uni and had left home, but when I went back home my dad would take me out and I world drive my mum's car for practice as it was smaller.

Neither of them have it a second thought and the paid the insurance for me to drive.

[Anordinarymum]

@Bengal12

My stepson is taking driving lessons and my husband assumed I would be OK with him using my car to supplement the teaching.
His car is automatic and mine is manual which is what my DSS is learning to drive.
I love my stepson dearly but I think he should learn in the learner vehicle with the instructor. I am not overly precious about my car (a small runaround) but I intend to keep it for the next 8-10 years as I don’t drive much and don’t want to have an awkward situation If anything goes wrong with the clutch etc. I can tell that DH is v disappointed but I even get annoyed when my husband who is not used to driving manual any more stalls it or delays changing gear and ends up revving it up too much. I’ve paid for some of my DSS’s driving lessons but I just don’t want him - or anyone else - using my car as a learner vehicle.
Thoughts?

Ok.. so the car will be in the hands of a teenage maniac and I don't blame you for not wanting him in it, but it's not the end of the world.

I taught both my sons to drive in my car and I found out recently that they both took it out when I was asleep in bed, but thankfully this was all a long time ago..................

Let hubby pay for the extra insurance and the repair bills if there are any and the next service. It's not worth getting into an argument over

[TatianaBis]

I think you need to pull yourself together.

‘Awkward situation if anything goes wrong with the clutch’. 😂

[LEELULUMPKIN]

It's mean and petty.

[ticktackted]

I drove with both parents whenever either was going anywhere, and extra for practice, all the time from about my 2nd lesson onwards (so basically once I could start without stalling & had basic road knowledge!) and passed my test in 5 months on 10 x 1hr lessons. My parents said it was much cheaper to insure me (& risk extra wear on the clutch I guess, but they never replaced it that I can remember, and they had the car for 8 more years...) than to pay for more lessons. I was sensible, listened & stopped when told. My driving experience was varied & realistic. I've always been a happy, confident driver, and in the 13 years since have had no accidents, despite doing a few years with a 120 mile round commute. I can't imagine people who have only ever been in a lesson situation with dual controls, being told exactly where go, are safer drivers when they're suddenly totally on their own in a different car. So, I think the more driving the better, and long term safer. Worth coming to an agreement with your DH about who is sorting insurance and who will fund it if it needs repairs sooner as a result, but clutches aren't that fragile & your DSS would need a lot more (expensive!) lessons to get the same amount of driving experience if he can't practice. Obviously it's your car your decision, but I think your DH is very sensible to offer your DSS practice.

[starfishmummy]

Practising tonsupplement driving lessons is pretty essential. Why on earth didnt you think about this before you contributed towards lessons?

[Tinamou]

Well it's up to you OP, but personally I'd let him.

[MessAllOver]

YANBU, it's your car. He should have asked you, not just assumed.

[thegcatsmother]

When ds finally decides he is motivated enough (now 24 and no interest to date) to learn to drive, we will have this problem. My car is a manual estate, and dh's is a classic car, and only he drives that and only he is insured for it. I am unconvinced that an estate is suitable for a learner.

[rwalker]

All this aside not a fan of teach kids to drive .The instructor can correctly show them the rightly to do things .
There lots of things different do you go down the gears to stop or coast in neutral now.
Took ours to empty carpark got then used to setting off stopping and reversing . Then over to the professionals .
You can undo all the work the instructor does.

[pussycatinboots]

I practised in my dad’s car and when my daughter was learning she practised in my old car which she then had when she passed.

^this - your DH will expect his son to have access to your car once he's passed.
You need to "manage expectations" one way or another

[Fatted]

YANBU. I am was never allowed to drive my dad's car.

The price of the insurance will be eye wateringly expensive and probably cost more than your car is work.

[TheseShoesAreMadeForRunning]

Surely, if you're married, you both own both cars?

It's 2020. Women are allowed to own their own things. Even married ones are allowed things of their own and it's not mean to be annoyed at someone assuming they can give the use of your shit to someone else.

[Bengal12]

Thank you all for your view points.
To answer the questions:

• my DH is paying for the driving classes (mostly) but I’ve paid for 10
  
• it’s a second marriage for both of us with each one of us bringing in DCs from our previous marriages so some finances are joint but some (like paying for cars) are separate. I paid for my car and pay all the bills for it and he pays for his
  
• DSS will get a little car soon (I’m contributing) so my DH Just needs to buy it a bit sooner
  
• I would treat ‘my’ kids (or not step kids) in exactly the same way, id would let them learn to drive in my car which is only 4 years old and I worked hard to buy
  
• I paid for my own driving classes when I was in my 20s, wasn’t allowed to drive my dad’s car, he won’t let till this day so perhaps it’s genetic?😉,

[MitziK]

Unless he's a brilliant driver himself, he won't be teaching your DSS properly, anyhow.

There are plenty of people around who endured a couple of 'lessons' from spouses or parents who were put off driving altogether after everything the qualified instructor had said was dismissed as 'but this is how you really drive' or they get angry.

I'd say no.

[Bengal12]

‘Ie not step kids’

[Bengal12]

Oh dear. Can’t type. Another corrects: ‘wouldn’t let’

[IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0]

So you are worried about a car that you hope to keep for 8-10 years being damaged by a learner driver? If he does his test on a "manual" he can also drive an automatic- if he does his test on an automatic , he cannot drive a manual.When I learnt to drive, it was a mixture of profi driving teacher and either my Mum or Dad in the passager seat with LPs on the bumper-

[TheseShoesAreMadeForRunning]

I find the idea that the cars are so separate quite odd.

It's not odd at all. Just because it's different to how you and your family do things, doesn't make it odd.


I know not everyone runs their households the same as me. Doesn't make it odd. Not everything is shared between spouses, some people like their own things and that's fine too.

[arianwe]

Aww I would definitely let him use it!

[TatianaBis]

The more driving practice he gets the better. Stop being so uptight, controlling and selfish. He’s not going to damage your car and even if he did it’s not the end of the word.

[Topseyt]

I am with you, OP. I've never insured my DDs to drive my car, especially as learners.

I dislike driving and I know that I would be a terrible and overly anxious "driving instructor" anyway so they would have to have their lessons with a professional one.

Your DH should not have presumed that your car would be available.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Bit weird that your four year old car is so precious (and a 'run around' as you previously described it), that you couldn't possibly let a learner driver use it. Seriously, what damage do you think will happen?