To not allow my husband to use my car to teach his son to drive?

[Bengal12]

My stepson is taking driving lessons and my husband assumed I would be OK with him using my car to supplement the teaching.
His car is automatic and mine is manual which is what my DSS is learning to drive.
I love my stepson dearly but I think he should learn in the learner vehicle with the instructor. I am not overly precious about my car (a small runaround) but I intend to keep it for the next 8-10 years as I don’t drive much and don’t want to have an awkward situation If anything goes wrong with the clutch etc. I can tell that DH is v disappointed but I even get annoyed when my husband who is not used to driving manual any more stalls it or delays changing gear and ends up revving it up too much. I’ve paid for some of my DSS’s driving lessons but I just don’t want him - or anyone else - using my car as a learner vehicle.
Thoughts?

[gotothecooler]

I find the idea that the cars are so separate quite odd.

It's not odd at all. Just because it's different to how you and your family do things, doesn't make it odd.

Well I find it odd. That's my opinion. I'm allowed that.


I know not everyone runs their households the same as me. Doesn't make it odd

I don't think I said that. I know people are different. I do not think that is odd. I do think the separate cars that each other can't use within a marriage is odd. Not that every different thing is odd.

[emmcan]

Why are you married to a child that can't drive a stick?

[Pebblexox]

End of the day it's your car, so you choose who gets to drive it. What I will say if experience driving a car without dual controls before your test, is invaluable in lots of ways.
Would you consider it if you're husband paid for both their insurance, and any damages?

[CloudU13]

YANBU - I learnt to drive in my late teens - my parents funded the purchase of a very cheap, old, but perfectly serviceable small car which was insured just for me to learn to drive in. When I didn’t pass before going to uni the car was sold to reimburse my parents (obviously not for the whole amount spent on the car and insurance originally) and when I resumed driving lessons after uni I paid to have 2 blocks of 2 hours each week to carry on learning and pass my test - while also saving to buy my own car. I think people’s perspective will differ depending on their own past experience and their financial means. But certainly there should be no presumption that your car, which you need and need to remain on the road for your use, can be loaned out for practice. I’d sit down with your partner and explain your feelings and encourage the purchase of a small car for learning in which your stepson can keep once he passes. If he knows this he will certainly be careful of it while he’s learning too!

[Pebblexox]

P.s I also think it's highly unlikely he will cause damage. Usually by the time they're ready to drive without dual controls they're a little more competent. However just ask your husband if he would cover it if something did happen.

[gotothecooler]

Why are you married to a child that can't drive a stick?

I asked about this upthread but OP didn't answer. Her DH must have a full manual license to take his D.C. out driving.

[Atthebottomofthegarden]

It’s you’re choice of course, but I think YAB a bit U. It will mean he needs more lessons.

[Atthebottomofthegarden]

Your 😱

[GabsAlot]

i never got any extra practise-teacher advised against it said he doesnt know how many times he had a pupil practise inbetween lessons learning bad habits and wrong rules from parents who insist they know the test from 40 years ago

[caringcarer]

I would never allow any of my children to practice in my car. I payed half for all of their driving lessons and payed for their test. When I was 17 one of my best friends who was having lessons with instructor begged her Dad to take her out in his car to practice. She had a terrible accident and run over a padestrien. Her foot slipped off brake and on to accelerator. No fuel control do her Dad could do nothing. The lady died in hospital 4 days later from her injuries. My friend could not get in car to drive again. It changed her life she dropped out of school and so did no A Levels. She became anxious and stopped wanting to leave house. She had to go to court.

I know this would not happen to many people but I saw what she went through and swore I would never allow my children to be in a position like that. It is not worth the risk.

[zoomzoghedgehog]

I wouldn't allow my children to use my car but then it's my pride and joy id pay for driving lessons I think learning with a professional is the right and only way to learn

[alexdgr8]

i agree with CloudU13 above.
don't do it.
why should you.
you are not being mean.
lot of babying attitudes here.

[GreenTulips]

I had 10 lessons and past. That was a lot in those says! DD recently past after 23 lessons.

She drove my car the day after and crashed it, very minor but the dents still there!

She now has her own cheap run around.

DH has his car I have mine she has hers

[WaxOnFeckOff]

okay, learner insurance is not expensive. You can book it for as little as 2 hours at a time for around £5.

It's not unreasonable to not want to use your car, but it's not unreasonable to want to either.

i let DH take DSs out in mine and they didn't do any harm but I'd wait until his instructor feels he is ready for the extra practice, at that point it should just be working on smoothness and road rules. he should be competent at the mechanics of driving.

As an alternative, you can hire dual control cars for an hour or two at a time - I think Arnold Clark do it round our way but i'm sure there will be somewhere where you are :)

[Quarantimespringclean]

I don’t have step children, only my own DC. There is no way I would let (or did let) any of them practice in my car. I need that car to get to work, I would never risk letting a learner driver practice in it.

Having said that, I am the daughter of a driving instructor - having heard his anecdotes about the few occasions he had to step on the dual controls I am probably extra cautious!

[WaxOnFeckOff]

The reason we used my car btw is not because DHs is too precious, it's because he drives a large estate with a powerful engine. Much better to use the little run around. To be fair although one car is registered in each name, we are both insured in both, i just choose not to drive the estate.

[Lollypop4]

I agree with you.
Our car is too big for our DD to learn to drive in but even if we had a smaller car, she wouldnt be learning in anything but instructor or her own .
Im not overly precious about my car but Ive always had a thing ablut other people even being in my car as a passenger, I don't know why.

[ticktackted]

@caringcarer that's a truly awful thing that happened to your friend :-( but, I always think surely things like that are more likely to happen to just passed 18 year olds who have only ever had the security of dual controls, and haven't got used to the responsibility of regular, normal, driving? Just a different way of looking at it I guess. Driving is dangerous, no matter your experience. You can't eliminate the risks without not doing it.

[TheseShoesAreMadeForRunning]

I don't think I said that. I know people are different. I do not think that is odd. I do think the separate cars that each other can't use within a marriage is odd. Not that every different thing is odd.

I'm asking in good faith. What do you mean when you say it's odd?

I assumed you meant weird or unusual. I don't think someone not giving their car for teenagers to learn to drive in is unusual or weird. Plenty will say yes, plenty won't.
I know people who have and use their own cars and people who interchange. I don't either is odd that's all.

It's not her husband she's saying no to driving it, his 17 year old son and the way her dh is clunky with it when he does use it Im not surprised she's uncomfortable with him teaching an inexperienced teen in her car.

[Nottherealslimshady]

I wouldn't. How is your husband, who cant drive your manual properly going to teach his son? Is he going to pay for a new clutch, hand brake, repairs to the body work?
Your step son is better off learning from a proper instructor and keeping your car out if it.

[Nottherealslimshady]

I actually broke the power steering on my instructors car!

[BrummyMum1]

There are 2 good reasons why you wouldn’t want him to drive your car. One is the lack of dual controls (a safety issue) and two is the increase in insurance premium. I would pick one of those rather than saying you just don’t want him to drive it which sounds a bit petty.

[Nishky]

@Brummymum as several people have pointed out learners can have their own policies which don’t affect anyone else’s policies.

[Cheeseandwin5]

I honestly can not believe what I am reading here and indeed some of the posts.
Firstly this maybe your SS, but he should also feel like he is part of the family and not some stranger off the street.
Secondly the assets in your household should be used for the family. The money we have in our family goes to fund all of us in my family. Our cars were bought with it. If I need to use my DH than he is fine with it , if he needs to use mine that is true too. If our kids need to then its fine too (if we dont need it). Putting cars over family is just sick.
Those saying telling your DH to go pay for insurance himself or get his DS his own car etc, would be singing from a different tune if the reverse was happening.
Honestly if my DH was acting you were, I would soon be splitting finances down the middle. If you want a car you pay for it from your money, including all on going expenses, and soon that would extended to all expenses. Those ppl screaming would soon be shouting abuse without seeing the hypocritcal nature of events. There are so many who seemingly give advice wanting to break up realtionships.
You are part of a family, you should be working towards helping all of your family if you can. Stop the selfish attitude or be prepared for hurting those you say you love and sttarting a chain of events which will cause huge divisions. Although to be fair when you write it will still be your DH's fault for some.

[Pollypocket89]

Can we get a mic drop on 'cars over family is just sick' thanks, I really needed a laugh