To not allow my husband to use my car to teach his son to drive?

[Bengal12]

My stepson is taking driving lessons and my husband assumed I would be OK with him using my car to supplement the teaching.
His car is automatic and mine is manual which is what my DSS is learning to drive.
I love my stepson dearly but I think he should learn in the learner vehicle with the instructor. I am not overly precious about my car (a small runaround) but I intend to keep it for the next 8-10 years as I don’t drive much and don’t want to have an awkward situation If anything goes wrong with the clutch etc. I can tell that DH is v disappointed but I even get annoyed when my husband who is not used to driving manual any more stalls it or delays changing gear and ends up revving it up too much. I’ve paid for some of my DSS’s driving lessons but I just don’t want him - or anyone else - using my car as a learner vehicle.
Thoughts?

[safariboot]

OP, have you put it to your DH that if he wants to be giving your children the chance to practice driving he can do it in his car? What has your DH said to that?

"But it's an auto and yours is a manual"? It doesn't fucking matter. If the driving instructor has a manual he'll learn clutch and gears well enough in the lessons. Or if he ends up taking the test in an auto so what? Manuals are on their way out anyway.

"But it's too big"? Bullshit. If you DH can drive it so can your son.

"But it's too expensive"? And there, if your DH says that, we will have the rub - that he's quite happy to risk someone else's property but won't risk his own.

[MrsClatterbuck]

I was 23 in the early eighties when I passed my test. My dad took me out once in the family car and DM never as that would not have been a good experience!!! My dsis took me out a couple of times and all the rest was with the instructor. I passed 1st time and my DM response was one of surprise not sure why as she hadn't sat in a car with me driving.
My DM told me lately that she feels safer with me driving her than my dsis who admittedly doesn't drive her very often as she lives abroad.
So apart from my driving lessons once a week I had very little practice. It is doable and my lessons cost £6 approx each.

[Bengal12]

@Boohoohoohooho that’s a very good idea and I did propose this to DH but he is disappointed as he would want to teach our DS to drive a bit first..

[wentawaycameback]

Agree with Boohoo. Wait until he has had quite a few lessons. We asked our daughters driving instructor to say when he thought she was ready to practice in our car. Also look at short- term insurance - you can insure a learner driver on your car for a week, four weeks etc.(Marmalade Veygo). Not letting him use your car - is unreasonable.

[Boohoohoohooho]

Not read all the thread

How about a happy middle ground. Let him use your car but only after he has had a good few lessons. That way there is no reason for him to be stalling your car.

[walksen]

Maybe let him get 10 hours or so so he knows what's he's doing and less likely to have clutch issues and then let him drive around to practice roundabouts or what not.

Otherwise the message is you care more about the car than him.

[Honeyroar]

Initially I thought you were being a bit mean, but from your updates I don’t think you are. If he’s going to get a car anyway, get it sooner. It’s obvious!

There’s no point him learning in an automatic if he’s going to do a manual test. He can drive an automatic later. You might as well learn to drive a manual so you can decide which you prefer. At least you have a choice..

As for insurance going up, I think we were quoted nearly £2k more a year once my stepson had passed his test (😮). It was a bit cheaper while he was learning, but still a lot, and that made the decision for us that he just learned with the driving school!

[mamansnet]

I agree with a pp about him using your FP's automatic. There is so much to remember when you're first learning to drive that it's quite overwhelming. In an automatic he can concentrate on the road laws, manoeuvres, learn to anticipate other drivers, etc, and not have to worry about stalling on a major roundabout like I did once and my instructor shat himself and said I was going to get us both killed.

Your DS can then use the lessons with the instructor to concentrate on using the gearstick. Added bonus is that he'll be confident driving both types of car in future.

And it sounds to me like your DP is being a bit precious about his nice big car!

[Alwaysinpain]

"Supplement the teaching" Why on earth do you have to use such cringeworthy, business-like language? You are coming across as though your stepson and your husband are work colleagues or strangers!

[DuesToTheDirt]

I just don’t think parents should be teaching kids how to drive

I agree about teaching - an instructor will be more up to date for a start. But the extra hours behind the wheel are invaluable.

[MitziK]

I've remembered something from when I was at college. The kids who passed their tests all expected to use their Mum's car at the weekend. Every weekend. And, of course, because Mum could afford a nice car, they got to drive something faster than the bog standard things the other students could afford to insure - by 'eck, did they capitalise on that. The ones flooring it at the first sight of dual carriageway? Mum's car. Trying to slide into corners? Mum's car. Not seeing the raised concrete bit dividing a wide junction and bumping up over it? Mum's car.


None of them were ever allowed to borrow their Dad's car. Because a woman's property is the property of everybody, but the man's car was his own. It was their teenage entitlement to take the keys from Friday night until Sunday. Because it was only Mum's and she didn't need a car if she wasn't going to work or taking younger siblings to and from school and activities.


How much does anybody want to support that particular strand of sexism? Quite a lot, going by this thread.

[inthelounge]

I think all lessons should be with an instructor until the test is passed.

[Bengal12]

@BakedBlossoms if you like driving then manual feels far more fun to drive, I feel more in control. Automatic car is a bit like a golf buggy😀

[Disfordarkchocolate]

If he's going to get a car then get it now. You don't want to find that your car somehow becomes one you share with your stepson.

[onlinelinda]

My son has been using my car as a new "passed his test" driver recently. It hasn't stopped him misjudging the edge of a scaffolding lorry exiting a parking space and properly cracking the bumper lower panel thing.

[Berthatydfil]

If you don’t want a learner driver practising in your car - that should be your choice.
Having had 3 dc learn to drive I would say that in the early days practising in any car other than the one they have lessons in isn’t always effective.
The instructors cars were different to mine and either had a bigger engine or were diesel, (I think to reduce stalling at junctions and to make pulling off easier) and all had duel controls.
It was very difficult I would even say counter productive to have them drive my car particularly when they hadn’t been learning long. I’m I can recall several occasions of them being stalled and junctions or roundabouts and having to swap over in order to drive away. These occasions then taking a knock to their confidence.
I found learner insurance not too costly but it was £££££ when they passed and were driving solo.
I would say the best thing is not to wait but to get him a car now which he can drive and get familiar in so he will be used to it when he passes.
I passed that car on as a shared car for them to use now.
You are not BU - I have a much newer car which none of them are allowed to drive, and certainly wouldn’t be letting them learn on.

[mylittlesandwich]

@BakedBlossoms it took me a long time to learn and I did consider changing to automatic only but the cars are still more expensive than a manual so I persevered.

[vanillandhoney]

@Hopoindown31

The car will be insured. You need practice outside of the lessons or it takes ages and costs a lot more money.

I'd have a rethink here OP.

A car being insured doesn't stop the driver crashing it or causing damage to it while they're driving it, though. Presumably, like most of us, OP needs her car to get to work.

His dad can buy him a cheap run-around to learn in if he's so keen.

[Hopoindown31]

The car will be insured. You need practice outside of the lessons or it takes ages and costs a lot more money.

I'd have a rethink here OP.

[Pollypocket89]

Absolutely nothing

[vanillandhoney]

@Macncheeseballs

I dont really understand investing so much energy in things and stuff

Because stuff costs money and most people can't afford to just replace things like cars at the drop of a hat?

I look after my car - mainly because it was expensive and I need it to do my job, and as I'm self-employed, I can't afford not to have any income because my car has broken down. I also can't hire a car as I walk dogs and need a vehicle kitted out with crates etc.

What's wrong with caring about your things?

[vanillandhoney]

Lessons are between 25 and 30 around here. Giving opportunities for practice once they've had a decent amount of lessons allows them to become smooth drivers and will be more likely to pass.

Absolutely, but that doesn't have to be in OP's car. If his dad is so keen for him to learn, he can use his own car, or buy a cheap run-around.

I wouldn't want a new driver in my car either - I need it for work!

[Macncheeseballs]

I dont really understand investing so much energy in things and stuff

[BakedBlossoms]

A learner can't really learn in an automatic, as they'd have to then take an automatic-only test, and would be severely limited in the cars they can then drive.

I'll have to tell myself that then, as I passed in an auto ten years ago and have never been severely limited in any of the cars I can drive.

[BakedBlossoms]

Off topic but I don't know why anyone bothers with manuals anymore. Automatics are so much easier and it isnt like they're hard to get hold of anymore or rubbish like they used to be.