how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

Gwenhwfar - yes, I was online dating in my mid/ late 30s and it was a nightmare. I like to think I'm realistic about the part physical attraction plays in a relationship. I've never been one to think it's shallow to want your partner to be physically attractive and for them to want the same in you. But OLD was horrible for the sheer prejudice levelled at women over 35 and the assumption that your appearance was 1. all that mattered and 2. going to be dreadful because you were over 35.

It was just trying to find that balance between saying yes it's important but also it really isn't the only thing. And now fortunately I have a partner but appearance is still important. The love and support we give each other is more important, but we're both physically active and fit. And I know that isn't possible for everyone but it works for us and hopefully will continue to work until we're unable to be that active and neither of us really care!

I haver noticed that the one thing that makes my friends look "old" (and trust me, we ARE old - much older than 35!!) is their teeth! Get those crooked teeth straightened, gaps filled, and whiten up! That will make you smile more, and that, along with some decent red hippy, will take you a very long way, I promise! I appreciate where you're coming from, and have to say, that lots of tiny tweaks (moisturise, hair highlights and decent cut , teeth, brighter lips) all add up to much more than any weird, major intervention. I suggest you look at some of Bobbi Brown's make-up tips, too - she is great!

some decent red hippy,

For a moment there I was wondering how a nice communist with a penchant for weed and kaftans was going to help

I'm around the same age as you and these are the thing that have worked for me - easier said than done I know but it really does make a huge difference:
Lots of exercise, find something you love. I highly recommend strength training! When your body is fit and powerful, you feel invincible - healthy and great, as well all looking good.
For your skin - keep hydrated, cut down on processed food, refined sugar, alcohol, start using a glycolic acid exfoliator after cleansing, retinol serum, and hyralaounic acid moisturiser. Superdrug does all of these very cheaply.
Dress to suit your shape and choose classic pieces rather than crappy chiffon stuff from new look etc.
Make sure your brows and nails are in good condition - I would go to a salon every now and then for this.

Thank you all so much! You have been so lovely and understanding and kind and given some great suggestions. I’m going to look up retinol products. What are ‘acid peels’? Sounds a bit like it might damage my skin more if I do it wrong?
I don’t really want to do botox though, I couldn’t afford to go to a really good place and I don’t want a botch job somewhere cheap.
I’ll also look into getting my eyebrows done once all this is over.

I do normally dye my hair actually, I think lockdown has scared me in seeing how much grey has been hiding under there.

I feel a lot more positive today, your posts have made me look in the mirror thinking “is it really so bad?” And perhaps it’s not. So thank you x

I think older women look attractive when they look “strong” from exercise. Defined arm muscles and less of a tummy because you’ve exercised.

Sadly I don’t fall into that category but in theory I think these women look lovely at any age! And the exercise probably leads to a happier outlook and face.

I don’t really want to do botox though, I couldn’t afford to go to a really good place and I don’t want a botch job somewhere cheap.

I've never gone that route OP. I aim to look good for my age rather than look younger than I am. The former is eminently do-able, the latter is just fighting nature and a losing battle.

31 here. Definitely got a thinner face and baggier eyes. But people think I'm 24 still. Got a young face. I always put makeup on. I'm so pale and freckly I look rough without it. Blusher, mascara etc make me look less dead lol. I keep it natural and glowy. Not a fan of heavy thick makeup and dark eyes etc.

Treat yourself to some nice creams and shower stuff. I love spa sanctuary from boots. I always straighten my hair too. Mines auburn but I do have the odd grey underneath now but I haven't dyed it yet because it's quite warm in colour.

I hate my stomach and stuff. After two babies I've got a wrinkly podgey pouch and my belly button is stretched out of shape. I just wear tops that I like. I don't show my body of in summer etc.

When I was feeling abit frumpy after my son's birth 2 years ago I got myself some colourful jumpers. Instantly felt more stylish. I used to stick to navy and black. I had no confidence in my style until I was 28. My mum was behind that though. She hates her body,shape and size and decided to bring her daughter's into it. She was telling us in our 20s that none of the clothes in the shops were right for our bodies etc. It really got in my head. Whilst all my friends were rocking skinnies I was in bootcuts still. I'm now a lover of black jeggings. I instantly felt better when I moved with the fashion.

Perhaps you need some new colour in your wardrobe? Some new makeup? Anything to help you feel confident x

Drink plenty of water.

Find a hairstyle that suits your hair type and face shape (top tip if you can pull it off a fringe is an excellent solution to forehead wrinkles).

Start slowly replacing the clothes in your wardrobe for ones that make you happy and feel good instead of what you think you should wear.

Spend time on things that make you smile and feel good.

Make sure you get a decent amount of sleep.

I bet you look a lot better than you think you do OP. I am 50 but get told I look younger. I think part of it is down to genes also:

I walk to keep fit and slim

Drink lots of water

Haven't smoked

Dye my hair

I have a fringe and longish hair which I hope makes me look younger

Moisturise twice a day and massage the moisturiser into my skin especially around my laughter lines

Keep out of the sun

Lots of sleep

Try to eat well (but have treats as well)

P. S everyone looks about 10 years older in harsh light - even Elle Mcpherson

Everyone feels a fright sometimes I’m currently looking in the mirror thinking ‘ Jesus’ you have deteriorated but know I just need some grooming I will go slap some treatment on my hair and some moisturiser and gradual fake tan and make up and look decent again .

hello from 20 years in the future. I see you have the perils of being one of the pretty ones. I never was, so never got compliments about looks, and was brought up not to be bothered anyway as long as I was clean, tidy and intelligent. Also did science stuff at school so ended up working in environments which were mostly blokes. Result. :-) And also much more interesting office conversation too.

when normality resumes, rather than dating apps join some real life hobby or sport clubs. That way you start with a mutual interest rather than just judging on appearance.

makeup is aging (that's why teens slap up to get into pubs) - lose the black and red circles and lose the added 10 years. Clean tidy hair of whatever length you like (although obviously not the old lady cut or perm which even the old ladies are stopping doing). Stuff to talk about, an interesting job or volunteering, help your community and keep active. That's attractive.

I’m 35 I have Botox! it makes me look and feel so much fresher. Iv got individual eyelashes, I always feel so much prettier with them. I always wear good foundation and a lipgloss/lipstick. Exfoliate at least once a week. I Shave legs, underarms
Etc this def makes me feel more attractive.

I get highlights
I get gel nails every now and then but I do this Myself, when I give my nails a break I wear clear nail varnish to keep then strong.

I would love my teeth done, everyone seems to have them done now.

I sound really shallow but I suffer from low self esteem so I couldn’t go out all natural it’s very sad I know.

Just to add to the many posts probably saying the same:
Get your eyebrows done
Good hair cut
Teeth whitening
Exercise
Clothes that fit and look good on you
Most importantly: love life and be interesting! That is so attractive.

makeup is aging

Oh it so isn’t! I look 90 without mine. It takes years off my face.

I’m 33 and people think I’m 10 years younger. In my last job, I was asked “is this your first full time job” as they thought I had just left uni.

DH looks younger too. We watched the Sound of Music recently and Christopher Plummer was 34 when he played Captain Von Trap! We laughed because DH is 35 yet looks much younger. CP looks like a “proper grown up” in that film.

I have quite a round face and oily skin (thanks acne) might have helped with the fine lines?

My goodness, how sad. You can spend the rest of your life chasing your youth but unfortunately you will never get it back! That does not mean you are not attractive nor that you cannot be!

Tbh I really don't think potions and lotions make much of a difference and botox and other beauty treatments often don't look good. Confidence and a smile looks good.

A lesson I learned early in my life was that t wasn't my clothes, hair or make up that made me attractive, it was how I felt and how I presented to the world. Shy sad Ludo - not good. Happy fun Ludo in her old underwear, with legs that needed shaved and no make up on was the one that always had good sex/got the bloke.

I promise that in years from now you will look back at pictures of yourself and wonder why you didn't have more faith in yourself.

Ffs op you must feel overwhelmed by all these suggestions- I know i do just reading a through of them.

Firstly I would recommend that you accept that we all get older and your appearance will change. Only a small number of people truly look like they did years ago. Realise that you may not be getting those second glances off men because men in their mid thirties have also grown up
And are not necessarily going show what their thinking publically. It doesn’t mean that they haven’t noticed you.

I don’t think realistically you should have a think about the one thing that would make you feel better to begin with and then get it done. Is it your hair? Is it a basic skin routine- cleanser, moisturiser and spf is enough- is it a new wardrobe of clothes. Once you do one thing to make yourself feel better the rest will follow.

As for exercise as little as half an hour a day can make all the difference.

What I will leave you with us this - having held my 38 year olds husbands hand when he passed away- you will not be remembered for what you looked like. My husband was a good looking man but that’s not what we remember it’s the food times and the laughs. And as a previous poster said don’t get to 70 and regret you spent loads of time fretting on your appearance. There was also a lovely post from a male that said actually it’s more than appearance that makes a person attractive. Amen to that man.

@Sparkles333 Holy crap don't pay £350! Get a good deal on groupon or wowcher, I've had mine done twice for £70 and the places were lovely, professional, the results great. No need to pay that higher price if you look about for a deal.

@CrazyToast
Thanks ill have a look on groupon then.
£70 is a much better price 🙂

I didn't handle aging happily. Here are the things I do:

Botox for eye and forehead lines
Filler for plumping areas which have gone flat
Microblading eyebrows
Exericse for body and good moisturisation for skin
Facial exercises! I swear they worked well for me especially my eyelids
Eyelash extensions-- just cos I love them and they make me look less tired

Other things:

Hair colour and style
Nice clothes you feel good in

I wish I could just accept looking older and feel good but I don't. So I have to put in the effort.

A new haircut : I have always had the same forehead issues and a fringe changed my look for the better
Decent moisturizer
Self care : diet, exercise etc
Decent sleep
Self acceptance: nothing more attractive than someone who doesn't dwell on their own imperfections

I look much younger than I am, I even get ided often , I think investing in skin care , drink lots of water , don't smoke , have a great hairdresser and dressing well really helps , also make-up a good foundation i use either Ysl all hours or georgio Armani luminous silk , I also get my eyebrows microbladed (subtle is key!) , I have subtle eyelash extensions too (not those Russian ones that look clearly fake) and I have hair extensions for thickness , I have my nails manicured regularly .. also a high quality fake tan does a lot for your appearance x and regular exercise its no secret that after 25 you do have to work harder to stay trim x Lisa eldridge is brilliant for make-up tutorials too x