how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

Gawd.

@Lilyamna I think it’s about FEELING good which takes work on yourself. I’m 35 and had always been (slightly) overweight since my 20s. Not really fat by any means but I didn’t feel good. At 33 I decided to start a new way of eating which radically changed my shape, dropped 2 stone and I feel really good in clothes that I’ve never ever been able to wear before. That’s not to say that weight is your issue or SHOULD be anyone’s issue but I feel so much happier since cutting out sugar because as well as weight loss it’s made me feel so much healthier. You are what you eat as they say. Also, you mentioned make up - I look back at photos from my 20s and cringe at how much make up I wore. Less is more I think. A decent, light foundation and a good mascara. Plus having your eyebrows threaded professionally to work best with your face shape. All cosmetic and surface self care but makes me feel good!

For those who mentioned doing weights, I want to start out, never done them before, I'm 34 but haven't a clue. Can anyone help with which ones to buy and what program/website to follow please?

@louisethedisease oohhh great question also interested in the answer. I was thinking that once Coronavirus restrictions ease off more I might do a couple of sessions with a personal trainer to get some proper advice on this.

It’s all down to personal preference surely? For example, lots of people tell me they like my hair up or naturally wavy or whatever but I like to just wash and straighten and leave it fairly natural. So regardless of other ppl, I just do it the way I like it. And I pretty much apply that to my style and make up etc.

So you should focus mainly on the things you like and make you feel good. Whatever they might be.

That said - there are some things which if I think of the women who look good to me stand out:

Exercise - good for the skin, the body, mental heath. Doesn’t have to be excessive - can just be a robust walk around the local park. Aim for 10K steps a day and lots of fresh air. Women who exercise regularly have a glow and usually self confidence too.

Sleep - aiming for at least 7 hours a night. Not easy these days but my face is always better after decent sleep.

Water - essential for good skin and flushing out toxins and bloating etc.

Good skincare routine - check out The Ordinary range for budget friendly excellent skin care.

Hair - fresh clean and glossy - style is irrelevant if they are rocking it but I always notice when someone has fresh bouncy hair. If you have greys then just touch up the roots, easily done, follow a youtube video if need be!

Simple outfits with cute accessories. My fav outfit is sometimes just black leggings, a boyfriend style black tshirt and funky trainers but I like a good pair of sunglasses, a nice cross body causal bag etc - basically it’s causal and usually picked up off my bedroom floor but adding some accessories adds a tiny bit of effort

In summary - moisturised skin, fresh clean hair, simple clothes with bit of effort on the accessories